Thursday, November 29, 2007

Which Method to Use

Back when I was in College at the illustrious University of Alabama, I learned about the Rifle Method and the Shotgun Method of finding things. I'll explain what they are. Imagine a hunter out hunting for deer. If he were to use a rifle to shoot at deer, then had had better be a good shot because a rifle only fires one bullet. But there is a better chance of fatally wounding the deer. On the other hand, if he were to use a shotgun, his aim does not have to be as good. Shotguns fire hundreds of buckshots in a wide area, increasing his chances of wounding the animal. The downside is that the wounds may not kill the animal because they projectiles are not as large. So which one is better?

When it comes to dating, some people use the rifle method. They pick one person and concentrate on that person in attempt to make the situation work. Others use the shotgun method. They date multiple persons hoping to find that one in the bunch that fits his/her needs, wants and desires. Some people have fund success firing the rifle and some find success shooting the shotgun.

Me, I have always used the rifle method without even thinking about it. Although I have been known to fire at 2 deer at one time. What always seems to happen is that I concentrate all of my attention on this one dude and get attached a little to quickly. I start imagining life together and all of the things that go with it and try to steer the dude in that direction. As we can see, it hasn't worked for me.

But I have realized that I haven't taken the time to enjoy dating. I need to start using the shotgun method of dating. I need to be more like a white woman and actually go out on dates with more than one man. That way I don't feel like i'm making any kind of committment to anyone other than the 2-3 hours of the date. I don't have to call him or be available to him unless we are planning to go out. I have to stop committing myself to someone just because I like them. I have to start shooting my shotgun.

So I have 3 dates lined up for this weekend. One Friday, 1 Saturday, and 1 Sunday. I have expressed to each of the guys that it's just a date and that's it. Our only purpose is to have a good time, and if we enjoy each other, we can plan a second date.

I'll let you all know what happens.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Something Is Missing In This Story

I really think that the drive-thru employee left out the part where he said some flippent shit to the "ladies" that set them off. Again I say, do people not remember that drag queens are still men.

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I Felt So Weak

So for the 6th weekend in a row, Beatmug and Goofy have come to Atlanta, from Birmingham to party (and next week will make 7). I wasn't planning on going out, but they offered to pay my way in and buy my drinks if I would let them stay with me and go out with them.

We were having a good time talking with people that we knew and having a few drinks. While sipping on my Long Island Iced Tea, I turned around and froze. I didn't want to see him, but he was standing right there 3 feet in front of me. If you don't know who he is, it's VP. My ex from a couple years back. He's the man that inspired this, this, this, this, this, this, this and a few more postings.

I swear, as soon as I looked into his eyes, my heart started racing, my mouth went dry, my hands started sweating, and I downed my drink! Then he smile at me and all of those physiological actions went into overdrive. I had no intentions of doing what I did, but I went over to him to speak. We talked for a minute about a few things and then I walked away. I asked him about the kids, his job, and his mom. He asked me about nothing.

After I walked away, I just felt strange all over. And what made it worse is that he seemed to follow me around the club smiling at me. At one point, he stood right next to me, but wouldn't say anything to me. I found out that it was because the guy that was standing to the left of him was the guy that he was seeing. I imagine that he must have told the dude who I was, because the guy kept staring at me like he wanted me dead. I was ready to kick off the shoes and take of my sweater and whoop some ass in the club. I guess Beatmug must have sensed what was going on because he handed me 151 and coke. After that, I just walked away again.

During my walk to the other side of the club, I felt someone grab by ass and take a squeeze. When I turned around and saw that it was VP, I didn't know what to do. Later on, he asked me for my phone number, but when I didn't see him pull out his phone to record it, I gave him a my old home phone number. I wonder who he called?

So finally we left the club and headed to Waffle House for some breakfast before heading home. The entire time I was eating and driving, I couldn't get my mind off of him.

Why does this man affect me like this?

Why do I still love him?

Why do I have this affinity for him?

Why, after 1.5 years apart can't I get over him if I know that he's no good?

Why doesn't he just grab me and hold me and never let go?

Why doesn't he feel the same way that I do?

All day Sunday, I kept asking myself these questions and replaying our relationship over and over in my head. I put my 'Come Back to Me" Cd in and listened to Whitney sing "Why Does It Hurt So Bad". I listened to Patti sing "Kiss Away the Pain". I listened to Xscape sing "The Arms of the One Who Loves You". I just felt like crying, but as we all know, I am incapable of doing that.

I had been depressed all day thinking about someone who I am sure is not thinking about me. So I turned to the one "person" that I knew could help. So while sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to Vermont, I just prayed to God for the strength to get this man out of my head and heart. Well, as I have witnessed, prayer works when it's sincere. The next day, I didn't even think about him, or Hollywood, or Infiniti, or Dreads, or Chicago.

I realized that although I have strong feelings (maybe even still be love) for these men, I don't have to let my feelings for them consume me. And I thank God for that.

But now I have to take the test of seeing any one of them again and see what happens. God be with me.

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

New Blog to Read

Here is the link to a blog of a brotha that I know, but don't know. Be sure to take a read. I think that he will be pretty interesting.

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Monday, November 19, 2007


I love this segment on Saturday Night Live, so I figured that I would start my own!!! Now these aren't all my personal experiences, but some that people I know have had drama about also.

1. Really, so you have to ask me everything under the sun when you can find out shit on your own. REALLY! When I say, "I don't know", you get upset and say "well you act like you know everything." REALLY! I don't know everything, I just know how to find out about the things that I want to know about. Ever heard of GOOGLE? I mean REALLY!!!!!!

2. Really, so you don't want to drive your car when we go somewhere because gas is expensive. REALLY! So i'm guessing that you thinkt that I get a discount on gas or something! Well guess what, I don't. And my car uses premium instead of regular like yours does. So if you don't want to drive, from now on you will not be going! I mean REALLY!!!!!!

3. Really, so i'm single because I don't know how to treat a man. REALLY! So are you single because you treat them so well? REALLY! I have seen cheat on every man that you have been in a relationship with. I remember back in 1998 when you asked me to lie to your boyfriend, so that you could fly to another city to fuck another dude. I mean REALLY!!!!!!

4. Really, so you thought that just because we met and I invited you over to my house that I was inviting you for sex. REALLY! No nigga! I had already told you that I was abstaining from any sexual contact for the next 3 months! Did you think that by stripping down to your undies while I was in the kitchen would make me change my mind? I mean REALLY!!!!!

5. Really, so you think that just because I have Delta Skymiles that i'm going to get you a free ticket every time you ask. REALLY! I got you a ticket last year at Christmas because you said that your grandfather was on his death bed. And I even paid the fucking $50 last minute booking fee! But it just seems so strange that your grandfather has been alive and well all year. Now you need another ticket because he is sick, but you don't need it until Christmas. Kiss my ass. I mean REALLY!!!!!!

6. Really, so you think that your 5th annivearsary with your boyfriend is more important than my 30th birthday. REALLY! I should forget that my birthday is a week after your planned party and spend my money to fly up there instead of the trip that I usually take for my birthday. Nah playa, I think that my birthday is more important to me. I mean REALLY!!!!!

7. Really, so you thought that because I let you spend the night that you could just wake me up at 7am. This after I told you that I don't get up until 10am on my days off. REALLY! And you said that you only did it because you wanted me to get up! What the hell kind of reason is that? Was the apartment on fire? Was my car being stolen? And you are surprised that I don't want to date you anymore? I mean REALLY!!!!!!

8. Really, I know that we are friends and all, but why do you think it's cool to just invite yourself over to my house? A text message that says, "im on my way over to your house because I need to use your computer" does not an invite make. If you want to come over and use my computer, ask. Did you ever stop to think that I may not be in the best mood for company. I mean REALLY!!!!!

9. Really, why is it that when we go out and the check comes, you always leave it there on the table. REALLY! Do you think that I always have to pay? And you make about 50% more per year than I do and just bought a brand new car! The next time that we go out, I'll wait until after you have ordered your food and 3 drinks and tell the server that we will have separate checks. That will show your ass! I mean REALLY!!!!!!

10. Really, what are some of you all's REALLY moments that you have experienced or seen others experienced? I have seen some of my friends go through some of these experiences as I have myself. I mean REALLY!!!!!!

************************Added Bonus**********************

Bonus-Really, must you complain and bitch about and hate on Atlanta, Georgia. I mean REALLY!!!! If you don't like our traffic problems or abundance of Gay and Black Men, or anything else then stay the fuck away from the city. If you have a business trip here, tell your boss that you are afraid that you are gonna get stuck in traffic and that a Gay Black Man may hit on you, and don't want to go. I mean REALLY!!! I'm gonna guess that your city has traffic that flows 24/7 and has no Black Gay Men. I mean REALLY!!!! Do you really have to go bashing the city of Atlanta because you moved here with no job, thinking you were going to find the job and man of your dreams? But instead of those, you ended up taking yo ass back home to (gay)Moma cause you were to lazy to get off your ass and find either one! I mean REALLY!!!!! Stop all of the fucking Atlanta, bashing. It's getting old. I mean REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Saturday, November 10, 2007

Where You Put The "I"

Normally when I get a forwarded email, I just read it and delete it. But this one is good enough to share.

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.' Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life', you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation , control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each oth er's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain r eplace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "I".

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Because You Like Him

So my best friend, Beat Mug and I were talking about my most recent date that I had to let go. I was telling him that the dude was already calling be "baby" after 10 days of us knowing each other. I was also telling him that I hate for people to do that. You don't even know me well enough to care about me in any way and you are calling me "boo" and "baby". All you know is that you like me because I _______.

After he let me rant about how I hate the about situation, he let me have it. Do you here me? He made me think about myself and some of the situations that I have been in.

Beat Mug: You don't really like this dude.

Me: Why do you say that?

Beat Mug: If you liked him, you wouldn't mind him calling you "baby" or "boo".

Me: (after thinking for about 30 seconds) Yeah, you are right. I'm really not all that into him.

Beat Mug: I have noticed that when someone really likes someone else, he or she let's that person get away with a lot of shit that someone that they aren't really into, can't.

Me: (after thinking again for 30 seconds) You know what, you are absolutely right. You can be kinda profound everynow and then.

Beat Mug: Fuck you! I'm always profound!

Me: Except when that ass is drunk off that 151 and coke!

Beat Mug: You ain't never lied!

I sat there for a few minutes after we hung up the phone thinking about what he had said. Now as much as I hate for a new date to call me pet names or ish like that, would I had allowed it if I was as much into him as he was into me? With the affectionate names, no. I hate that ish and I always tense up when I hear it, no matter how much I like a dude.

But I thought about other things that I have let dudes get away with like this, or this, or Oh God, this. And not just him, but others. Like this one dude that I dated before I met Hollywood *I let him get away with A LOT of ish*. He was one of those "i'll call you back in a minute" kinda brothas that never did. I put up with that ish for about a month before I deleted his number. Why did I do it? It's because I liked him. I REALLY, REALLY liked him. He was attractive, stable, relationship-oriented, and had a specific Caribbean island accent that made me want to give him a book to read aloud. But even though he never did what he said he would, I put up with it. And guess what? He has been calling me lately and I have been answering. So guess what I have determined? I LIKE HIM.

So I guess Beat Mug was right. For those that we like or are really into, we will make concessions. For those that we aren't really into, they have to walk on eggshells and not crush them. If they so much as crack one of those eggshells, that ass is kicked to the curb.

I'm not even gonna ask why we do this, cause I know why. Anyone care to guess?

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Monday, November 05, 2007

WTF Was He Thinking

All of these homos around and he wants to suck a straight dude's dick. This dude needs some guidance for real.

The weekend incident came to light Thursday when Raleigh police released a search warrant connected to the case.
As a member of the tennis team and a stand out in high school, 19-year-old Dejon Bivens of Charlotte is used to having his picture taken, but the mugshot he took over the weekend wasn't voluntary.
Raleigh police charged him with crimes against nature.
Details of the incident were released in a search warrant. There was an off-campus party last Friday at the apartment of one of the tennis team members.

The player told police he went to bed around 3 a.m. Saturday and was awakened two hours later by Bivens performing oral sex on him.

Police arrested and served Bivens with the search warrant that allowed investigators get a saliva sample. He was released on bond that same day.

None of the tennis team members or the coach will comment on the incident though they know about the charges against Bivens.

N.C. State Athletics officials said they can't comment on the matter because of privacy laws, but as of now, Bivens' status with the team has not changed.


Saturday, November 03, 2007


Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am not a religious person. I gave up on religion about 11 years ago when I was in college. I am not against religion, I just don't follow one. But I am happy that I started my life going to church because it taught me to have a love for God. I don't need religion for that.

Sometimes I seem to forget that it's God that wakes me up each morning. I forget to give thanks for that. I forget to give thanks that I can go to my refrigerator or out to eat to get food. I forget to give thanks for being able to get in my car and go where I need or want to. I forget to give thanks for having clothes and shoes in my closet. I forget to give thanks for having my bills paid even if I don't have anything left over. I forget to give thanks that I have people who love me. I forget to give thanks for a lot of things.

But I also find that I forget about God when things aren't going so well or when I am not in the best of moods. But I have surmised that God is the first one that I need to call on when I need something. Not my family. Not my best friend. Not anything or anyone else but God.

Thanks to God, i'll never forget again.