Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Dreams Deferred

Well, as surely as it was started it has ended. We were enjoying each other, we formed a relationship and then made the decision to move in together. But i'll be damned if the anything ever works our for me.



Two weeks ago, Nelson informed me that he had been been seeing someone else, but had broken it off soon after. Well, I was shocked, but then again I wasn't. I knew that something had been going on about a month after we moved in together. His demeanor towards me changed. Daily phone calls from work stopped. The multiple daily text messages he would send stopped. My text messages to him went unanswered and he would claim that he didn't get them (I knew he was, but he was deleting them, but his phone kept them in a trash folder. When we laid down to sleep, he wouldn't hug me. The only physical affection I got was a kiss before he went to work. So I knew that something was going on.



About 2 weeks before that fateful day when he finally confessed, I sat him down and expressed my concerns and explained my observations. He insulted my intelligence by proclaiming that he hadn't changed and he had been doing the things that he had been doing before. I let it go until the next week.



I was at my part-time job and got a text that he was going out for his birthday that began at midnight. I was a little pissed because I wanted him to be with me when the clock struck midnight so that I could give him his gift and celebrate with him. I let that go, but my mind kept wondering. Well I woke up at 5:45am and he wasn't there. Me being the person that I am started worrying. I called him 7 times in a 3 hour period. Finally I texted one of his friends and asked where he was. The friend said that Nelson had gotten drunk and was staying at his house. My intuition said that was a crock of shit and to this day I believe that it was.



So I get up and head to renew my driver's license and when I got back home, guess who was there. I asked him why he hadn't called me back after 7 missed calls to let me know that he was ok. He looked to the side and said he didn't call because he would see me when he got home. That's when I knew he was lying. I stared at him in shocked. I once again asked him what the problem was between us and cif he was seeing someone else. He once again lied and said there was no problem and that he wasn't seeing anyone else.



Well we went through his birthday weekend as though things were normal and then a week later he confessed when I asked him again. I wasn't giving up until he told me what the problem was.



He told me that he met some guy (he of course wouldn't tell who the person was) and went on a couple dates with him (he says they never had sexand he never brought the guy to the house). He told me that through that dude he realized that I wasn't the person that he wanted to be with and after the second date with dude, realized the same about him. He summed it up by saying that he just didn't want to be in a relationship anymore.



To say that I was crushed would be an understatement. To be cheated on and dumped is some bullshit. I could go on and on, but I just can't right now because i'm starting to cry all over again.



And that about sums it up. Oh, did I forget to mention that we had signed a yearlong lease and are stuck with each other for 9.5 months?

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36 Comments:

Blogger Ladynay said...

First off *hugs*. Ending a relationship of any kind that you've had for awhile is never easy on any end of it.

I will admit. When I saw your blog on the top of my blog roll I got excited! Then said "they better not have broken up" in my head.

Cry, mourn, have a pity party for a day if you like, then get on to the next one k?

*one more hug*

5:36 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger Karsh said...

Oh no! I am so so so sorry to hear about that. And you're stuck together for 9.5 months? I have to echo Ladynay's statement -- I hoped it wasn't a break-up. I'm really to hear about this.

5:53 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Thanks LadyNay and Karsh. I'm getting over it, but i'm still angry that I was betrayed. Once I get over the anger, I think i'll be fine. I need to find a place to channel my anger.

6:01 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger Chet said...

Welcome back Norris, I only wish that it were a different circumstance you would be sharing with us, but as long as you've faced the music then it's time to dance.

The good thing is it may be a break up, but it is certainly not a break down. Move on and count your blessing, and yes you have many blessings to count.

Now that part about residing in the same house for nine and a half months... hell to the no! Sublease or something unless you're strong enough to remain friends ater all this. Need to talk I'm just a phone call away.

6:35 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger UrSoVain said...

Im going to go against the grain here. Just my observation and subsequent viewpoint from what was given on this blog. Take it or leave it. I saw the comment box and decided to leave one.

I do read and keep your with your blog. I read the post you wrote on April 5th when you said the two of you were moving in after 5 months. INSTANT red flag went off in my mind. Pictures of the house came and i thought... wow, its really happening...

People tend to move fast during the honeymoon phase of the relationship. It sounded to me like this nelson guy overestimated his level of interest in you and probably his capacity to maintain a relationship. He may not have understood what he really felt and made commitments he couldn't keep. He started to change back into the person he always was in hopes that ur expectations would die down below the level he initially taught you to expect at.

I totally believe that the moment came when things started taking a different direction. When he stopped with the daily texts and the affection towards you. I wouldn't doubt that there were moments when you felt like you were 'bothering' him, not asking too many questions, wondering why he disappeared for small chunks of time.

He was a product that came in a great package that subsequently expired. And you may be left wondering if you did anything wrong. Remembering the good times and wishing he'd get back to his old self. But really, that guy was never real and often times that's hard to swallow.

I read a book called "The Tiger Woods Syndrome by Dr. J.R. Bruns M.D. and Dr. R. A. Richards II" and i think you should too. It may explain a lot of what happened in this situation because honestly... it described exactly what you just went through.

7:59 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

UrSoVain-I took a risk in committing myself to him and it didn't pay off. We all take risks in life. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. This time I lost.

My choices had nothing to do with how he acted or chose to portray himself. All in all I know that I did nothing wrong.

8:55 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger TheBlacks said...

I've been an avid reader of your blog for awhile and when I saw this blog, I like LadyNay got excited to see you had updated. As I started to read your blog, I thought to myself - SHIT, DAMN, MOTHERFUCKA!

You took a chance and I applaud you for jumping in there with both feet and allowing yourself to give yourself to another human being without any hesitation. Its mind blowing that after signing the lease and proclaiming your feeling for him, he fell outta like/lust/love with you.

Keep your head up Norris!

8:59 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger aRm said...

I still believe that the fuckface needs to make reparations! He needs to stop being a punk ass bitch and agree to take on the rest of the least so that you can move on ... "nothing's wrong," and deleting text messages ... pssshhh. I can't tell you how much I dislike him.

Although progress seems slow, I see progress ... in your posts and all. I see you progressing through the grief cycle ... it's all going to be ok. And you'll learn a whole lot from this in hindsight ... but for now, just feel and heal.

9:21 PM, July 14, 2010  
Blogger ÐƎΓΓΛ ƁƎΓΓƎ© The Kewpie Doll said...

It is what It is. Have your moment of weakness...then focus on the rebuild!

3:32 AM, July 15, 2010  
Blogger PiMusique said...

That coward MF. I was in a situation like that six years ago. Thinking that he was going to DC for a job assignment when he was dating a dude in DC. When my investigation started to get too close, he told me that he was moving to DC to be with dude. Then it did not work out and he asked could we be friends. Hell to the MFing no....

Norris, you just called back some memories....I still have not got even with him...but I will regardless of how people keep telling me to let it go......

8:27 AM, July 15, 2010  
OpenID Pillow said...

OMG... I have been a silent reader for about 3/4 years and I am SO upset right now. I read this and I immediately felt with you.

Bro, vent, release and heal...
You got tons of brothers that love you (some of us silent) and sending encouragement and love your way...

(and if you send me your address i will fuck him up for you)

10:52 AM, July 15, 2010  
Blogger Pharaoh said...

First off here's a hug for support and healing!

I have to say I applaud the fact that you took a risk with this guy...more people need to do the same when it comes to love/romance. I know it didn't work out the way you (and anyone else) would have liked, but I think in the end you will be better for doing so than not! Focus on moving forward. Since the house multiple bedrooms I'd say for y'all to pick rooms on opposite sides of the house to give yourselves some space. I'd also say you may also think about renting out atleast one of the other rooms to someone so it won't be just the two of you there alone. (lol We don't want you killing him in his sleep!)

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

PS - Pimusique: man, that dude must have really hurt you if after 6 years you are still considering getting even rather than being in a space where you barely remember his name. If revenger will allow you to truly move forward then go for it....but keep in mind its cost.

10:57 AM, July 15, 2010  
Blogger UrSoVain said...

That's the response i figured id get. We all take risks, yes. But there are signs and red flags along the way and often times people look past them. Whether you did anything wrong is totally subjective. I would say your choice to move forward was done based on the person he portrayed himself to be... some people are really good actors. Men these days are taught to be deceptive. To tell you what you want to hear and play on the things they know you care about in order to receive short term satisfaction. Had he been the way he turned out to be from the beginning (the sneaking around, not so affectionate, not returning texts or phone calls, etc)... i wonder if you would have taken the risk anyway? I still encourage you to read the book.

4:49 PM, July 15, 2010  
Blogger PiMusique said...

Pharaoh, I have not gotten in that space yet. I have so much rage in me that I told the Devil that I was ready to make a deal.

That if the Devil would deliver him unto me, that I would.............Well, I will write about that on my blog. I am a guess in Norris house.

12:37 AM, July 16, 2010  
Blogger cliff said...

Oh my this is not the best of news, and it points out the difficulties of being in relationship. I wish you all the best as you heal and regroup

3:25 AM, July 19, 2010  
Blogger 陳倩江陳倩江 said...

想別人怎樣對你,你便怎樣對待別人。......................................................

7:53 PM, July 19, 2010  
Blogger 芳綠 said...

加油!期待更新哦!.................................................................

4:43 AM, July 22, 2010  
OpenID moody605 said...

Man, I'm really sorry to hear that happened. I agree with you what you said about channeling your anger into something else. Now, if it were me, I would be inclined to channel the anger upside your ex's head, but that's just not grown and sexy :)

11:58 AM, July 23, 2010  
Blogger 謝俊柯凡豐德 said...

很棒的分享~希望不會打擾您............................................................

11:50 PM, July 27, 2010  
Blogger 欣邱儀 said...

Learning makes life sweet.

1:34 AM, July 31, 2010  
Blogger thegayte-keeper said...

I am sending you ALL the positive energy in the world...

4:11 PM, July 31, 2010  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Thanks everyone for the support! I'm almost back to normal and i'll be posting some great news pretty soon!!

4:17 PM, July 31, 2010  
Blogger 凱許倫 said...

耐心是一株很苦的植物,但果實卻很甜美。..................................................

3:51 AM, August 03, 2010  
Blogger 宛淑芳真 said...

愛情不是慈善事業,不能隨便施捨。.................................................................

5:13 AM, August 06, 2010  
Blogger Ink said...

*hugs*

I wish you the best of luck, I know ending a relationship is always hard, especially when someone has broken trust. But from reading your blog, I know you're a strong person and I'm confident you'll make it through intact.

1:19 AM, August 07, 2010  
Blogger 红十字 said...

困難的背後,隱藏著通往成功的階梯............................................................

8:44 PM, August 08, 2010  
Blogger 446 said...

河水永遠是相同的,可是每一剎那又都是新的。..................................................

3:40 AM, August 11, 2010  
Blogger 孫邦柔 said...

文章雖然普通,但意義卻很大~~^^~~ ..................................................

3:40 PM, August 13, 2010  
Blogger 牧宇 said...

生命如夏花洵爛;死如秋葉之靜美。........................................ ........................

6:15 PM, August 15, 2010  
Blogger 瑰潼 said...

心中醒,口中說,紙上作,不從身上習過,皆無用也。..................................................

10:56 PM, August 17, 2010  
Blogger 黃英吳思潔吳思潔邦 said...

到處逛逛~~來繞繞留個言囉~~~~..................................................

6:18 AM, August 20, 2010  
Blogger E said...

Oh man..:-( I haven't been on the blog scene in a couple months and just wanted to check in on you. Damn! I hope you're finding a way to deal with the remaining time you guys are living together. :-(

11:51 AM, September 16, 2010  
Blogger Inside Jamari Fox said...

I have to agree with @Vain

It was so soon when you guys decided to move in. Moving in so early is always a risk because you will BOTH see each other raw and uncut.

I hope things are well and I know you will bounce back.

BTW - put a laxative in his OJ for good measure *wink*

-Jamari

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Blogger Mad Nigerian said...

You don't blog anymore...
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6:05 PM, October 13, 2012  

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