Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Terrible Too

He's/She's just too...

How many times have you heard this statement when someone was talking about someone that they were dating or were thinking about dating? How many times have you said it? I can admit that there have been several brothas that I have dated that I have said this about. It seems that we have these standards that we only discover when someome does them.

We find out that he's/she's too short, too tall, too broke, too wealthy, too far away, too smart, too dumb, too shallow, too ugly, too pretty, too much of a woman, too much of a man, too giving, too selfish, too much or a moma's child, too much of a hoe, too religious (or not enough), too lazy, too energetic, too stupid, lame, too boring, too old, too young, just too damn anything.

We may not see these issues as deal breakers when a situation begins, but they will arise. But I have come to realize that recognizing these things allows us to see what we do and don't want in a relationship. It allows us to see what we will or will not compromise on. Now this is not to say that we can't deal with some issues, but just to say that we should recognize each situation for what it teaches you.

That's All

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

On My Mind

1. Why do I not have any friends that I can call and just say "lets go..."? It seems that they are either living in another city, broke, no car, or just fucking busy. How does a black gay man find people to hang and chill with? Someone please tell me.

2. If God made us, who made God? This has always been on my mind. It's been on my mind since I can remember that I was able to think. When I am flying somewhere and I look out the plane's window and see the beauty of the clouds and mountains, it strengthens my faith in God. But I always wonder that if God made all of that, who made God.

3. My birthday plans for NYC have been cancelled. Two of the principle people have decided not to go for either work or personal reasons. It just wouldn't be right without them. Why is it that I can't depend on people to go or do things that they have committed to? This trip was planned when we left NYC last year. I think that I may just take a trip to Vegas by my damn self.

4. I do want to go to Miami for Memorial Day Weekend for Sizzle Miami. This will give a reason to get my ass to the gym so that I can have a partial beach body. Even if I don't take my shirt off and frolick around the beach, I want to be able to wear a tight shirt with pride.

5. I am now trying to decide if I want another roommate, keep the same one, or live by mysrlf when this lease is up in May. I don't know what I really want to do. Having a roomie does save me money. Living by myself would increase my monthly expenditures by about $400 a month. I don't have a problem with that, but who the hell doesn't want to save money? As far as the roomie that I have now, he and I will have to talk about that. He is doing much better now that I put his ass is subliminal training. He now pays his bills on time, cleans up, and acts like a grown man. I'm such a good trainer that he doesn't even know that he is in training. They never do!

6. I think that my last post made people think that I was trying to form a relationship with dude (who shall be called Lite-Brite). I now know how to keep people at a distance and keep feelings in check. I don't even consider a relationship until I am fully comfortable with a person. I'm a little too seasoned for that quick relationship ish. In addition, a relationship is not even on my mind.

7. I want a Flat Panel LCD TV. I don't need it, I just want it, so I know that I won't get it.

8. I have some interest for a job in Las Vegas. I have never thought about living there, but the job would require it. As much as I love Atlanta, a $15,000 increase in pay could help me learn to love Las Vegas.

9. I am still pissed that there isn't an H&M in Atlanta. They have the best underwear in the world and I have to wait until I go to Chicago or somewhere to buy them.

10. I don't have anything else on my mind. Well yeah I do. Why the hell do I hae things on my mind that I don't blog about? I have about 6 topics going on that are set as drafts. I need to finish them.


Monday, January 22, 2007

Romance Without Finance...Maybe

Why does it seem that all of the dudes that I date seem to be lacking in funds? Why? Why? Why? I am by no means rich and often am low on funds myself, but I always have some money . *figure that out* It seems that most of the brothas that I meet are just broke. I don't know if it's a lack of money or mismanagement of money, but it's frustrating to want to go out with a brotha and have to hear the words "I don't have any money." Well, we aren't going!

I fully understand that situations arise that cause you to have to spend your dough. I understand that a person's situation may not be the best. But the brothas that I am meeting seem to be on a perpetual broke cycle. I'll explain the dude that I am dating now.

He's 34 years old and is in what he calls the worst financial situation of his life. He makes $9.50 per hour and has no insurance, no car, bad credit, and his father pays his rent. At 34 years old, I just believe that a man or woman should have ish together or be on the way to doing so. When he told me that his father was paying his rent, I almost got up and walked out. He started crying and telling me how he doesn't feel like a man because he can't take care of himself. I was thinking to myself "why do I keep meeting these brotha's?" I even asked myself "Is this what I will have to settle for?"

But then something hit me. This one is different from the others. He was completely honest about his situation from the beginning. Instead of going out to eat, he cooks dinner for the 2 of us. He doesn't have a car, but gets to work everyday.

I actually think that he is trying. But that is not to say that his financial situation is not on my mind. I keep thinking about a possible future with this man. What happens when we decide to buy a house and his credit is still bad? Do I just put it in my name? Will in the next few months he ask to borrow my car to do something? *Note: No one drives my car if I am not in it anymore!!!!!* Will he expect me to pay for everything when we go out? What happens if his situation does not improve?

Finance is thing that I have to think about if I am ever to completely let my feelings get involved with someone. Yes, I want a man to do nice things for me and to be there for me and be attractive, but finances are an important part of any situation. More important than sex if you ask me. But the thing that I have to remember is that his financial situation is not my issue. It's his. I was going to just let this situation burn, but as long as I remember that this is his issue and not mine, I can sustain. But if I see that he isn't making an effort to do better, i'm out.

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Sunday, January 14, 2007

Something To Think About 1/14/07

Gay relationships are just fucking difficult. And one of the most common issues that arise are the roles that people try to put on those relationships. Think about it. Whenever you see a gay couple, what's the first question that comes to mind? "I wonder who's the man". "Or, I wonder which one is getting fucked". I can't lie, I wonder these things also. And I think that most people have been conditioned to wonder these things. All throughout our lives, we have seen nothing but straight couples and that is the only example that we as gay people have to follow. But in our relationships, do we really have to conform to any role? I think not.

In most straight relationships, *as if I really know* men seem to take the more "dominant" role and women take the "passive" role. The women cook and clean and the men take care of the yard and take out the trash. The women have tea with their female and gay male friends and the men watch sports with the boys. The women take care of the kids and the men take care of the women. In straight relationships, these role have been followed for years and years and will probably continue for many more. And this setup seems to work.

So what are us gays/homosexuals/SGLs to do but follow their example? The problem is that we can't do that. When 2 men or 2 women are in a relationship, who is gonna be expected to take out the trash? Who is gonna be the one expected to cook? Who is gonna be the one expected to gossip with friends or watch sports with the boys? I mean, these roles have never truly been defined for gay relationships. Most people will assume that the more masculine person is the "man" and the less masculine person is the "woman". But that isn't always true. Confusion surely sets in when there are 2 people of the same level of masculinity. So who is supposed to do what? The answer: whoever is comfortable with doing whatever.

In my only live-in relationship, we didn't have a role of who did what. No one couldn tell who was the "man"or who was the "woman". And believe me, people always wondered who was fucking who. Who took out the trash? Whoever got to it first. Who cooked? Whoever felt like it. Who did the driving? Whoever wanted to. Who watched football. The one who enjoyed it.
What kept people confused was that neither of us was more masculine or feminine than the other. And we all know that that is the method that people use to label gayrelationships. When people asked us who was the man I always said "We both are, that's why we are called homos." *I'm such a smart ass*

I say all of this to say that we really can't label the people in a gay relationship. We don't really need to put labels on the people. The only thing that we can label is the relationship itself. We have enough to work on being 2 men or 2 women. Let the roles go and work on everything else. And to the ones on the outside of the gay relationship wondering, there is no one man or one woman. If there were, I wouldn't be writing this post.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Bank of Information

Welcome to Bank of Information. I'm Norris and how I can help you?

I am sick and tired of being the source of information for everyone. Why the hell do people call me or contact me for information that they can easily find out for themselves? Why do you ask me shit that you can think about and answer for yourself? Why do you ask me shit of which you know that I don't know the answer? Why is it that after I give you a dumb look or a few curse words, can you figure it out for yourself? Most of the time, I will give the information requested, but I am tired of being depended upon to do and know everything. A few examples:

A person that I dated for a few weeks last year called me and asked me if I knew of a good insurance company. I told him that I used Blue Cross Blue Shield and that he should try them. He then asked me what were their rates and coverage. I asked him how I would know that information and that I don't work for BCBS. He says "fine, you don't have to get an attitude." I told him, "you don't have to call me." He hung up all pissed, but called me right back to ask me the number to call for BCBS. I hung the hell up on him.

My ex-boyfriend, Dreads, decided to come visit me this past weekend. Mind you that he has been to my house several times before and black folk have a rule. If you visit more than 2 times, you should know where everything is, so make yourself at home. He wanted a plate to fix himself something to eat. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when he came in and asked me "where are the plates?" I just scowled at him like I wanted to claw his eyes out. I asked him "you mean to tell me that you came all the way to the other side of the apartment to ask me that when you could have just opened the cabinets and looked?" He replied, "well I guess I could have just done that." Yes mister, you could have!

Beatmug and I went to see Dreamgirls on New Years day (my second time). He was pulling into the parking lot and started looking for a parking space. He saw a half empty lot and asked me "is it safe to park here." I just pretended to not hear him. I really wanted to say "how in the hell should I know." When he realized that I didn't answer, he muttered "you dirty bitch, how you gone make me think for myself" and pulled into the parking lot. We both laughed about that one because he knew why I didn't answer the first question!

One of my friends from DC called me and asked me what was a good hotel to stay in in New York. He reasoned that because I travel a lot, I should know all of the good hotels. I told him that I wasn't a travel agent and was not gonna research for him.

My brother called me and asked me to sign him up for Delta Skymiles. I asked him if he had access to the internet. When he said yes, I told asked him why he needed me to do it. I then told him to log onto Delta.com and click on Skymiles. When he did that he screamed out "oh, I can do this."

I have been in the grocery store and people have asked me where something is. I don't even answer them anymore. I just walk off. How in the hell would I know where anything is if I don't work there.

I have been in fast food places and people will ask me the price of something when it's right on the f-king board above their heads.

I know that you all are gonna say that this is petty and that I could just be nice and give them the information. But i'm sorry, it's tiring to be someone else's brain. Whenever I need something, I find out for myself. I don't immediately go and ask someone else something when I can find out myself. I don't call people to ask them for a phone number to Domino's Pizza when I can look it up for myself. But on the other hand, when I have a question to ask, no one seems to know the answer. So it's time for the Bank of Information to close. If you want to know something, do like I do and Google it! And if I do answer your question, here is my price list:

Right Answers-$100
Dumb Looks-Free


Friday, January 05, 2007

Does It Matter To You?

So I have a co-worker that has a bit of a dilemma. I'll explain the situation. She has been dating/seeing a guy for 8 years. Of those 8 years, they have been living together for 2 years. The man takes care of her and pays most of the bills and treats her well. When she told me this, I was thinking "must be nice". But then she told me that she was tired of being with him and that there are a lot of things that she doesn't like about him *I guess it took 8 years to realize that* So I asked her why if she was tired of him doesn't she just leave him and find another man. Her reason: HE HAS A BIG DICK THAT FEELS GOOD.

Wait, I'm not finished. For the last 6 months, she has been dating another guy on the side that she is most certainly in love with. The guy is willing to do whatever she wants and wants to take care of her and has even offered to buy her a car to replace the clunker she has now. So I asked her why doesn't she dump Guy #1 and get with Guy #2. Her Reason: HE HAS A DICK THAT'S NOT EVEN 4 INCHES LONG AND IN ORDER FOR HER TO GET AN ORGASM SHE HAS TO WORK TOO HARD.

I looked at her like she had gold teeth and a jheri curl! I asked her why dick size was so important to her. She told me that she likes getting her orgasms without having to work for it and that "big dicks do it for her". For once in my life, I kept my opinion to myself and just said "oh".

But I don't get it. Why does the size of a man's dick have so much say in whether or not he is worthy of being with? That's one aspect of a man that has never had any bearings on how I felt about him. I have dated and had sex with dudes with all lengths and girths (If that makes me sound like a hoe, oh well). Believe me, I have never failed to achieve an orgasm no matter what the size of the dick I was playing with.

So I ask you all, does the size of a dude's dick have any say in your decision to date him?

Does sex get better with an increase in the size of the dick?

Have any of you ever measured your's or someone elses' dick?

And for those asking for a big dick, what are you offering?


Monday, January 01, 2007

The New Year

So it's a new year and all of that good stuff so I guess it's time to reflect on 2006 and wish upon 2006. So here it goes:
Thankful: I had a lot to be thankful for in 2006 that carry over into 2007
That I am still alive. No one close to me died this year, but people that I know and was aquainted with did. There are some days that I don't think about how valuable my life is to me and to the people that love and care about me. Each time someone dies, the thought that it could be me, lingers in my head for a few days.
That I have real friends. I make it a point to let my friends know that they are special to me. There have been a few that I thought about letting go of, but it has taken too long to get friendships this close. But it does still amaze me that after a year and a half in Atlanta, I still haven't met that many people who can just be "friends". And I also wished that more of my friends lived in Atlanta. Birmingha, Memphis, New York, Chicago, D.C. and cool to visit, but I can't do it all of the time.
That I have everything that I NEED. There are a lot of things that I want to have and experience before I take my last breath. Things such as a husband, kids, a Jaguar XJ8, a nice home, and complete happiness. But having the essentials of life are good enough for me.
That I truly love myself. I know that I am nowhere near perfect, but I love me some me. It has taken me years to get to this point, but dammit, it's here. My whole existence as of now is centered around me loving me.
Planning:How am I gonna enrich my life in 2007?
I have to stop drinking alcohol or at least cut back on the amount that I drink. The reasoning isn't health related, it's budget related. When I go out, I spend too dang much money on liquor. This weekend over 3 days, I think that I spent about $100 on drinking. That ish has to stop.
Stop going off on people. A lot of people think that I am mean as hell because I am pretty confrontational. I'll snap on a biatch in a minute and I have always had that reputation. I don't want it anymore. I think that a nicer less confrontational me has to emerge
Find another job. Although my job allows me to travel all over the country, it's getting old. I think that it's time for me to actually settle and LIVE in Atlanta instead of just residing here when I am not traveling. I also want something with some upward mobility. If I could find a company that allows me to advance as I learn, I would love it. I have found one and interviewed. I am just waiting to hear back from them. If I get it, I will probably be the happiest man in Georgia.
Take time for myself. I need some days where the phone is off and the door is locked and I don't have to do anything. I spend my off days now wondering what I could be doing instead of just resting. And I also need to re-start my solo vacations.
Spend less. I don't have a problem with what I earn, but what I spend. I have always had this problem, but it has to end this year. I don't know how I am gonna do it, but I am gonna actually save some money this time. I want to buy a house for my 30th birthday and I need to get on the track to get that going.
Find some new friends. I a'm talking about people that I can enjoy being with and that I can trust. I love the one's that I have, but most of them live in other cities. There are only 2 people in Atlanta (Mashaun, you are one of them) that I can call "friends" and mean it. But I also want to make sure that I find people who are on a progressive track in their life. I don't want to be bogged down by folks who have no plan for their lives.
Get my body the way that I want it. It's not bad, it's just not the way that I want to have it. Gotta keep working at it. I will have the boys (and girls) cat-calling and whistling before 2008!
Meet some of the Atlanta bloggers. Why don't we all meet up for lunch or dinner and drinks or something? We all know that each other exists.
Just be happy. Happiness, I have found out, is a decision. And I have decided to just be happy with life.
What do you all have planned to enrich your lives in 07?