Sunday, November 27, 2005

No Connection

Hey people, I know that you all cannot live without reading my blog each day, but you will have to wait a little longer. I am in a little town called Page, Arizona until Thursday and I have very little internet access. This place doesn't even have an AOL dial-up number. It's so small that they handed me my luggage at the side of the plane and my rental car was parked in space 00.

So when I do get back home or get a decent connection, I will blog about my happenings with VP and the new guy that I met and maybe some other things. Until then, pray for me that I get out of this little town with my sanity.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

5 Signs That You’ve Met Your Perfect Match

I stole this from MSN, but it hit home so hard that I had to post it here. It seems that we get so caught up on looks and material things in relationships that we forget to look for true signs of compatibility. Read on and let me know what you think.

First, the good news: You're headed toward happily ever after if…

1. You discover quirky things you have in common. It's one thing to discover you both like the new Coldplay album. It's another to discover your tastes or habits jibe in more surprising ways. "What confuses people is that they think they're a match because they have things in common that many people have in common, like favorite books or songs, so they're fooled into thinking they're on the same wavelength," says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? "The more uncommon and surprising your similarities are, the better." That was definitely the case for one Rochester, New York dater named Patrick McAvoy. "I have this weird habit of belting out what I'm doing in song, so when I started dating Bethany, one morning I started singing 'Here I am, in the shower...' to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar," recalls the 29-year-old. "When she started singing back, making up more words to the same tune, I couldn't believe it! I knew it would work out." And it has—for three years so far.

2. Neither of you flinch when the future comes up. It's a new-couple nightmare: One of you blurts out something like, "Ooh, next summer we should go to Greece"—and then freezes, fearing the other person will think, "Next year? We don't even know if we'll make it to next month!" But if you and your date don't bat an eye — or better, smile and agree — you've successfully crossed a crucial divide. "It's a sign that you both feel stable in the relationship," says Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerilla Tactics For Turning A Date Into A Mate. So while we don't suggest making plans with your date for next Christmas, take careful notes on what happens if you do mention some advance planning.

3. It's super-important that your friends like your new partner. You thought introducing your date to your parents was the ultimate test? On the contrary, introducing him or her to your friends is even more pivotal. That's because while you can't choose your family, you can choose your friends, so they reflect the person you've become over the years. So if you find yourself prepping your pals about someone you'd "really like them to meet," it's a sign you're seeing this relationship as more than just a fling. "When I introduced my girlfriend Yvi to my friends, I was completely nervous beforehand because we were from such different worlds—she was a Hispanic girl from Newark, and I was a banker from the Jersey shore," says Dave Koczan-Santiago. "And truthfully, things didn't click right away. But when I realized how important it was to me that they all like each other, I knew the relationship was a bigger deal to me than I even thought it was. Now here we are, ten years later, happily married."

4. You think in "we" terms even when the going gets tough. Sooner or later, all couples start transitioning from "Hey, what are you doing Saturday night?" to "Hey, what are we doing Saturday night?" Sure, that's good, but for a real gauge on your relationship, see how you react to these scenarios: If your date wants to leave a party early, do you happily offer to leave as a couple, rather than feeling annoyed or wanting to stay on your own? If your boss wants you to plan a business trip, do you wonder whether it fits with your sweetie's schedule? These are signs you're truly willing to merge lives, and it's all the more telling if you weren't into your date's "thing" to begin with. "I live in New York and could live my whole life without a car and be happy, but when my boyfriend said he wanted to bring his Chevy pickup with him when he moved here from Boston, of course I offered to help him find cheap insurance and parking," says Erin Brennan. "The interesting thing is that after driving it a few times and investing all the time in helping him, I found myself telling people about 'our' truck and really starting to understand why he loves it so much."

5. You constantly stumble across things you want to share. Most couples will exchange a few "thinking of you" phone calls or emails when they're apart. But if you can't walk down the street without tripping over some funny story to tell later or can't leave a store without thinking at least once, "Oh, my sweetie would love that…" then things are rosy indeed. Basically, it's a sign that while you may not realize you're thinking about your date, you are and just can't help it, explains Wolf.

Now, the bad news: You could be headed toward a dead end if…

1. You roll your eyes at each other during an argument. You say potato, your date says… well, even if he or she says it the same way, it's a given you're not going to see eye-to-eye on everything. And that's okay—your differences are what make things interesting! But while disagreeing is fine, it's bad news if one of you rolls your eyes at the other during the argument. "The reason you roll your eyes at someone is because the other person is saying something you think makes absolutely no sense to you and you don't respect what they're saying," says Hamburg. And since R-E-S-P-E-C-T is the cornerstone to any good relationship, take any eye-rolling you or your mate does as a bad omen.

2. You can't handle the uncomfortable silences. Every date has its quiet lulls here and there when the dialogue runs dry, and if these moments don't faze you, congratulations for reaching that comfort level. But if you find yourself squirming in your seat, trying to come up with things to say, checking your cell phone hoping to find a voicemail, or going back to the same old topics ("Have you talked to your sister lately?") that could spell trouble, since it shows you're not really relaxed when you're around them. Take it from Jason Parker of Atlanta: "The whole time my date and I were eating dinner, we'd have moments of silence during which she kept checking her cell phone," he says. "Finally I asked her if she was waiting for a call, and she said, 'No, I'm just checking the time.' As if that was any better!" Whether this gal was indeed nervous or just plain rude, either way Jason was relieved when their brief relationship was happily over.

3. Your dates are always chock-full of distractions. It's healthy for you and your love to fill your time together with fun activities and mutual friends—that is, as long as that's not all you do together. "It's not a good sign if the only things you're saying to each other are, 'Let's hang with friends, or let's do something like go to the ballgame or a movie,'" says Wolf. The reason: These things are buffers that help you avoid really getting to know each other, which may indicate that your one-on-one time ain't so thrilling. If an offer of "Tonight, let's just hang out together alone" doesn't sound exciting, ask yourself: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person?

4. You find yourself criticizing little things about each other. Everyone tends to be positive to each other on the first few dates, "but if the other person starts making critical comments like they don't like what you're wearing, that's not good," says Dr. Hamburg. Criticism, whether you realize it or not, is a way of pushing someone away—so if either of you are saying things that seem innocuous like, "That shirt looks weird" or "How can you stand living on this street?" you're tapping into a bigger problem. "As time passes, you should find yourself wanting to treat your partner as well as you did at the beginning of your relationship," says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., a relationship expert in New York, NY. If not, consider this breakdown in polite behavior very bad news.

5. You only want to deal with each other when the chips are up. It's a red flag if the person you're with gives you the cold shoulder when you're not feeling hunky dory about something in your life. Happily-ever-after means loving — or at least liking — someone when life isn't so sweet. "I was seeing a guy who was usually wonderful, but when I would have a bad day and wanted to just talk to him or be near him, I'd call, and he wouldn't call back for days," says Rachel Harrison of Brooklyn, NY. "He just didn't seem to want to know the whole me, in good times and bad." And being able to weather the tough times — together — is definitely a quality that every good relationship needs.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Another Year.

Every year about this time, I get the same old feelings about the holidays. I never want to go home to Mobile. I hate going home because there is nothing for me there. Absolutely nothing. Some years I go and some, I don't. For some reason around the holidays, I just want to be alone and not be around people and I think these feelings are rooted in 2 issues.

The first is that my mother died in 2001 just before the holidays. She was the center of the family and since she died, I just don't feel like going to Mobile. I think that I have been to there 6 times in the last 4 years. When Mom was alive, I looked forward to going home to see her. It really seemed like we were a family when everyone would drive or fly home and we would sit around and eat and play cards and talk and laugh. Now it just seems like when I go home, we are just there to be there to say that we were there. There is no happiness and cheer like it used to be. I ain't gone waste my time going this time.

The second reason is that I don't feel truly connected to my family. And the truth is that I never have. This has a lot to do with the fact that I am gay, single and childless. When my family gathers, I feel left out. They talk about their kids and snuggle with their spouses or significant others, and I sit around and watch TV. They all "know" that I am gay, but nobody wants to talk about my life, but my sister. (and she is a lesbian and accepted by all). I don't want to just announce over the bullhorn that I am gay, but I do want to be acknowledged. I often wonder what will happen when I am with someone and decide to bring him home for the holidays.

This year, I just want to stay at home and sleep. I'll cook myself watch TV all day.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Maybe 2

When I got back to Atlanta last Sunday, I had planned on spending the evening with VP. That was the plan, but my flight didn't get in until 11:30pm because I couldn't get an earlier flight from whack ass Albuquerque. Needless to say, I took a cab home and went to bed (after 22 days on the road, I was tired as hell).

The next morning, he called me at like 7am just to say good morning. It woke me up from my planned 12 hour nap, but I thought that it was sweet of him. He asked me if I would come over to his house after he left work, to which I agreed. He had planned to leave work at 6pm, but didn't actually leave till 8pm. By that time I was into my Monday night UPN shows and wasn't gonna leave the house till 10pm. But when they were over, I high-tailed it the 25 miles to his house.

When I got there, we just talked and let the TV watch us. We were both yawning, so he asked me to stay the night, to which I agreed. We got in the bed and watched The Golden Girls (I have got to get the DVDs) for a while and then turned the TV off to go to sleep. He fell right asleep, but I could not fall asleep: even with him with his arms around me I was still wide awake. There were two reasons for this. The first is that I was violating my rule of not staying over within the first month (it had been 2 weeks) and the second is that I was trying to sleep in my clothes (which I never do). About 4 am, I just went ahead and took my clothes off and fell right asleep. About 6am I felt something wet on my ass. VP was going to town licking my booty and I didn't mind. That's just one of the few ways that I like to be awakened. We ended up having sex, violating another rule not to have sex within the first 30 days. It was some pretty good moan-scream-groan sex where it just feels good to you all over your body. After we took a shower, he got his sons up and took them to school. I stayed in the bed until he got back and got ready for work. I then left to take myself back to where I pay rent. I spent the day tying up loose ends like paying bills and running errands.

That evening when he got off, he called and asked me if I was gonna come and see him and of course I said yes. When I got there, he was showing one of his friends something on the computer so I just sat and watched TV until they finished. The friend kept giving me the eye to which I played stupid (was this some kind of test?) . After the friend left, VP and I retired to the bedroom because it was almost midnight. I gave him a little special attention and he fell right on asleep as did I. When we awoke the next morning, he got the boys ready and told me to stay and in bed and lock the door when I left, but I left when they did cause I had things to do that day.

Wednesday we talked a few times while he was at work and I went out shopping for a new bookcase for my living room. He was pretty busy at work, but he did take the time to call me. I was impressed. I don't know how he works 12 hours a day and takes care of kids, so of course I don't mind going over to his house all of the time. To which I did, again. This time, things were no different. We watched TV and talked and then had sex and went to bed.

Thursday night, I knew that I would not spend the night with him because I had a 6:40am flight and would not want to wake him up at 4am when I awakened.

Now 4 days, we haven't done anything outside of the house, so I am wondering if this is his life (at least on the weekdays). I also started thinking about the fact that he has already started his family and how would I integrate myself into that if he and I were to get together. I also thought about the fact that he seems reluctant to talk about himself. He will talk about politics, love, sports, and work, but not about him.

I feel optimistic about him, but I still have my eyes open. He has already helped me to break 2 of my rules and he doesn't have a lot of time to spend with me (as if I have time for anyone myself). And he snores. But on the other hand, he doesn't mind that I travel frequently or that I am broke. It'll be hard, but I am gonna take this one one day at a time. I just hope that i'm not posting next week how it didn't work out for some reason or another. That always seems to happen with the ones that I am really into.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Contributing To The Delinquincy

This topic has been on my mind for a few weeks, but I have not known how to approach it. The topic this time is infidelity, or cheating as most people like to call it. But I am gonna talk about a specific part of cheating, not the cheater, but the person that is helping them cheat.

Why do people assist in the infidelity of others? I honestly don't know. But I have known people who seek out people who are married or involved with someone. One guy that I have become friends with has been with a married (to a woman) man for 9 years. He just told me tonight that in those 9 years he has not been with anyone else sexually because he would feel like he was cheating. I asked him if the wife knew that her husband was an infidel, and he told me that she has no clue. I really wanted to ask him why he is helping this man to do wrong, but the "new" me said to shut up and change the subject.

People help others become infidels for quite a few reasons. One of those is selfishness. The don't care that someone may get hurt in the situation, including themselves. They just want what they want and don't care that this person is "committed" to someone else. SELFISH BASTARDS.

Another reason is that they don't want all of the responsibilities of a true relationship. They can have the man/woman only when they need or want them. They don't have to cook, clean, or put effort into a relationship.

Another reason is that they have no respect for monogomany. They may not believe that people can or should be monogamous, so they don't really care that the person that they are with it being foul to another person. They may not even ask if the person is with someone because they don't care.

Some people think that having a piece of a man/woman is better than not having one at all. They may feel that this is the best that they can do. We need to stop at Walgreens and get these people some self-worth. I hear that it's on sale 2 for 1.

These are all that come to mind now. If you have some, please share. But I just keep thinking that if people didn't help other people commit adultery and infidelity, there wouldn't be any adultery and infidelity.

I try not to be self righteous, but I ain't contributing to the deliquency of anybody because I would not want anybody to cheat on me. If you are seeing someone, please don't step to me. I am not gonna help you cheat.

And lastly if you KNOWLINGLY interfere in my relationship, you are best to go into witness protection, because I am going to find you and beat your ass black and blue before I go home and do the same to him. And if my dude didn't tell you and you have no idea, then you may not get a beat down depending on how fast you can run.

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

I Need A Soldier

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


There is a new man that I would like to make a part of my life. We will call him VP because of his job as a vice-president of a company here in Atlanta. I actually met this one online, which is not too uncommon these days. He had no of his face posted, but his ad text made me say whoa! After I read it, I sent him a message telling him that he sounded like the perfect man. He sent me one back saying that he tries his best. We chatted for about an hour on the computer and then he asked for my phone number which I gave to him. We talked for about an hour about why we were on the site and then about ourselves. It was a good conversation.

Now let me tell you about him. The physical is first because he is all that I want in that department. He is 6'4" tall and weighs about 230 lbs. He is highly attractive with a smooth clear complexion, short wavy hair, and nice full-sized pink lips. He is not muscular and defined, but is built just the right thickness for me. And that deep bass voice just draws me to him. Like I said, physically he is all that I want to touch, look at and listen to.

Personality is next because that also seems to be there. He is strong minded and says what is on his mind. I LOVE THAT ABOUT A MAN. As I have expressed before, I do not like men who cannot say what they mean and mean what they say. He seems like the type to be able to control a situation (and me). I don't mean that he will tell me what to do and I will do it, but moreso he won't let me control him and jump when I say jump. He has a strong demeanor.

The next thing. He has 2 children. Two of the cutest little boys that I have every seen. Now I have not met them yet, but I did see a picture of them. I don't want to rush into meeting his kids until he and I see where we are going. The reason being is that I know how I am with children. They seem to get attached to me and vice versa and I end up spending all of my time and money on them. So, I am gonna wait a while before I meet them. Can anybody imagine me as a step-dad? I would love it (especially if I could be a stay-at-home step-dad).

He wants the "traditional" life that I want. He already has most of that. He has the home, the 2 cars, the kids, and the stable job. The one thing that he says that he wants/needs is someone to share life with and to love and fall in love with. We will see if that person should be me. Time will tell.

I honestly don't want to get all excited about this one, but I can't help it. I just see good things happening between us. It's been three weeks and he has done everything that he said that he would do (calls, visits, and that other thing that Linebacker wouldn't do). This time, I am gonna just let it go and see what happens. I want to take down the Berlin Wall this time (I just have to feel him out first.)

I'll keep you all posted on this one.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Woman's Nightmare

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Lose Control

I think that I have figured out one of my biggest issues. I hate to lose control of any situation in my life. I have to know what's going on. I have to know how it will turn out. We have to go the way that I say to. We have to leave when I say we are leaving. We have to eat where I say we are going to eat. I have always been like this. I think that it comes from my mother.

I have issues with trust and that is what causes me to be a control freak. I have never been able to fully trust anybody with anything. There are too many reasons to list, but my childhood background is the number one reason. I have a headache now, so I can't get into that now. But I do promise to get into that later.

For once I just want to lose control and not have to worry about the consequences. And that I am ready to do. I will stop trying to control everything. It's tiring to always be in control because people expect me to know and do everything. I'm ready to relenquish control to someone else.

It'll be hard, but I can do it.
Do you all have any suggestions on what I can do to help

Go Big Girl, What You Gone Do.

I had to post this. Don't tell me that a big girl can't do a split!

You all will get a real post when I get a high speed connection again. I have some questions that I want to ask.