Saturday, December 31, 2005

Nothing To Be Sad About

I was sitting here is Natchitoches, Louisiana sad that I was bored and not in Atlanta to enjoy the beginning of the New Year partying like I have for the last 7 or 8 years. While in that sad state, my mind started wondering about the last 10 years of my life. For some reason, I could only think about the bad things that have occured. But guess what, there was only one truly bad thing that occured, and that was the death of my mother at 59 years of age. Other than that, life has been good to me.

I thought about a lot of my decisions such as why did I go to Stillman College instead of Howard University? Why didn't I go to law school when I finished my undergrad? Should I really have ended my 3 year relationship with Dreads because he slapped me? Should I have moved to Chicago last December or should I have stayed in Birmingham where living was cheap? Should I have quit my job back in 2002 because I hated it even though I had no prospects for another one (I got my current one 2 weeks later)? Should I have bought a house when I was in college like my mother advised me to do? Should I have moved back in April of 2003 to continue my relationship with Chicago even though I didn't have a job there? Should I have bought my current car even though there was nothing wrong with the one that I had?

These are some of the questions that I think about that I can't seem to let go of. I ask myself these questions constantly throughout my living. But you know what? I have realized that none of these questions are ever gonna be answered because they don't need to be. None of them even matter because all of them are part of the past. I once read a quote that said "nothing is as far away as a minute ago." I don't think that there are many things that could be more true.

So, in this last post of 2005, I am gonna go against what I said and make a resolution for my living. That resolution is to leave the past in the past. That includes all regrets, relationships, money problems, negative thoughts, depressive episodes, and anything else that needs to be left back there.

I really am gonna go after whatever it is that make me happy in 2006. If you don't believe me, I can show you better than I can tell you!

I've Been Tagged

I didn't feel like doing a great big end of the year post so I decided to finish this tag that I received from ProfessorG way back on Christmas Eve.

Fact 1. I threatened to kill my father when I was eleven. The muthafucka used to make me cook for his ass cause he was too old to stand up. Sometimes if the food wasn't perfect, he would make me cook it over until it was the way that he wanted. I told him once that if I had to cook for him again that I was gonna poison his ass. And I was dead serious. After that, I never cooked for him again.

Fact 2. I am very anal about the appearance of my house and car. The must both be clean and neat. You will never find anything out of place in either. If I finish eating, I immediately get up and put away the dished in the dishwasher. And I clean constantly throughout the day. There is nothing in my car except CDs. My mantra is "if you don't mess it up, you won't have to clean it up."

Fact 3. I was adopted. My parents were not really my parents. They were actually my God-parents. I do know and sometimes communicate with my birth mother. I have seen my birth father once and told him that I would kill him if he ever spoke a word to me again. I have no full-blood siblings, but 2 step-sisters and a step-brother from my birth mom and her husband and 5 brothers and 1 sister from my adoptive parents.

Fact 4. I am vain in the fact that I love my body. It's not perfect, but I love it anyway. I cannot walk past a mirror without looking at some part of my body to admire it. I love my legs, ass, and arms.

Fact 5. My life's dream is to become a prosecuting attorney.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

So Much Shit

I have so much shit on my mind right now that I had to let it our here.

First, VP and I are going through a little something. I don't think that he really wants the relationship that he said he wanted when we started talking. That was one of the things that attracted me to him. Or it could be that he doesn't want me. So you can probably guess that the attraction is waning. I also did something to him that I shouldn't have done. Let's just say that it involved an alternate profile on A4A and he didn't know that he was talking to me. I'm gonna stick it out and see what happens. I ain't giving up!

I still haven't figured out what I want to do with my life as far as a career is concerned. I love what I do, but this travel is getting to me. I want a 9 to 5. It's time to start searching for another job.

I know that I want kids in my life. I decided yesterday that I will adopt at least 2 whethere I have a partner of not. And I want to do so by the time I am 35.

I didn't celebrate Christmas this year. I just ain't feel it and I haven't felt it since my mother died in 2001.

I'm still broke and recovering from missing those 3 paychecks back in August and September. We get paid only for the days that we work and I was off for a month. I had used my savings to pay down some bills. When I shore it up again, it will be for emergencies only. By the end of January, I should be back in saving mode. It's amazing that being off for one month can take this long to recover from.

I just am not feeling loved right now. Not from friends, family, or anybody. I need a good strong reassuring hug to make me feel better. I know that if I got that, I could finally cry (which I haven't done since my mom's funeral) and get all of the hurt, pain, and depression out. Everytime I try, I can't do it.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Different Area Codes

Ludacris featuring Nate Dogg"I've got hoes, I've got hoes,in different area codes(area, area, hoes, in different area codes(area, area"

I don't remember if I have ever stated on this blog, but I travel extensively for my job as a software implementation specialist. I have been to about 32 of the 50 states and to Canada twice. My most recent trip took me to Anchorage and Juneau, Alaska where I fell in love with the state. I am now in the city of Anaheim just south of Los Angeles where I was graced to hang out with the famous Trent Jackson. Let me just say that the brotha is cooler than a Chicago niggas nuts.

But back to the point of this post. Since I 1.) am a homosexual and 2.) travel frequently, people assume that I have sex with men all over the country. This could not be further from the truth. Now don't get me wrong, I love sex like I love sex, but I refuse to leave bits and pieces of me all over the country. I ain't no hoe. Now with that being said, in the 3.5 years that I have been doing this job, I have only hooked up with 3 brothas during all of this time. And I know that if I don't tell you about those three brothas, you are gonna ask. So you wanna hear it, here is goes.

I started this job in August of 2002, the 17th to be exact. And my first trip happened to be to St. Louis and also happened to be unevenful except for the trip inside The GateWay Arch . Now that second trip happened to be to a city that I had always wanted to go to, but never had a chance. That city happened to be Chicago, Illinois, so you know who the subject of this story is.I met Chicago at the Prop House ( my second favorite club in Chicago). The club was closing and my boy Simba and I were walking to the car when I saw him. We chatted for a minute and exchanged phone numbers with the intent to hook up and go out on a date the next day. We ended up doing just that where we went to a movie and to Giordano's Pizza for lunch. He was the perfect gentleman and gave me a tour of the city. After our date was over, he dropped me off and didn't ask to come up to my room as most men would have done.The next day, we went on another tour of the city and again to eat, but this time he did come up to my room and we talked and watched TV, but nothing sexual happened. I really did want to jump on him, but didn't want to seem like a hoe. Did I mention that I was already starting to fall in love with him?

The next day, he had to work, but around 10am he called me and told me that he was on his way to the hotel to see me. When he got there, we ordered something to eat and watch Venus Williams whoop somebody's ass in a tennis match. I noticed him inching closer to me on the bed, so I asked him if he wanted to kiss me. He did and it led to some hot, sweaty black on black, man on man, sex. I had to tell him how good it was, and he told me it was because he had been holding out on sex. He hadn't had sex in 3 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The next day he took me to the airport and I cried when I got out of the car. I had fallen in love in 5 days. The relationship lasted a year.

My next sexcapade occured while traveling occured in Boston in December of 2003. I was on yahoo messenger and a brotha hit me up out of the blue. I really thought that it was a coincidence that he was in Boston where I was headed. We chatted for like an hour talking about general things. He told me that he was 23, 6'8", and played basketball for his college. So we agreed to meet when I got to town. The night that I got there I called the brotha and we talked for a minute and he asked me to come over to see him when he finished with practice. So, I hopped in a cab and headed over. I was really excited about meeting this dude because I hadn't seen a picture of him and had no idea what he looked like.When I got to the destination, I realized that he stayed in an apartment, but it was on campus. But that was cool because his roommate was gone for winter break. That night, we just sat, talked, and watched Adult Swim on the cartoon network. Before I noticed, it was 3am and we were still awake. I was gonna leave, but I didn't feel like attempting to catch a cab at 3am, so I stayed the night. Yes, we did fool around a little but there was no actual sex. But the boy knew what to do with some chocolate syrup! I left about 7 that morning so that I could make it to work by 9am. I was a tired ass trying to teach a training class that day.

The next day he came over to my hotel and then we went on a walk around Downtown Boston holding hands. We got some strange looks, but nobody said anything (probably because he was so damn tall that he looked like he would whoop some ass). Because it was so cold, we came back to the hotel to warm up. And warm up we did! When we got naked, he pulled out one of the biggest dicks that I had seen in a while. He asked me if I was gonna give him some booty and I agreed only if he did the same for me. He agreed and we got down and dirty. I must admit that it felt like WHOA! I know that people in other rooms had to have heard me speaking in tongues. When that part was over, I went to get him and he got all hesitant like he didn't want to give me mine. I ain't one to bed so I settled for some head because I was tired anyway. He was also good at that. After our session, we ordered some food from room service and watched television till we fell asleep. When we got up the next morning, we took a shower together. I thought that it was funny that he couldn't stand all of the way up in the shower because of his height. After the shower we both got dressed, me for work, and him for class.

After I left Boston, we continued to talk on the phone for a few days. He then told me something that just didn't sit well with me. He told me that he was really 19 years old and not 23. I was a little more than pissed for 2 reasons. One was that he lied to me and the second was that I felt like I had robbed the cradle. Needless to say, we didn't talk anymore. Besides, I was not trying to get into a long-distance sitation again.

The third time that I gave up the goods on the road occured in Philadelphia in December of 2004. I was working at a hotel there and found myself horny like a mutha one night. So, I jumped online and within an hour, WSIEH was on his way over. By the way WSIEH stands for WORST SEX I EVER HAD. When he got there, I realized that he was a lot big bigger than he said he was, but I ain't one to discriminate against the big boys. We talked for a minute and then he just asked me in mid-convo if I wanted to have sex. I was already horny, so we jumped right into it. I can't explain how boring he was. It was like he was inexperienced and didn't know what he was doing. At first he couldn't put the spoon in the bowl (I have no idea why). When he started moving back and forth I assumed that he had succeeded in getting it in. I felt NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. After about 2 minutes, I told him to stop cause I just wasn't getting anything out of it ( I didn't give a reason, I just told him to stop). He asked if I wanted to do, him, but I wasn't even in the mood. If his dick gave me no feeling, then neither would his ass. He then got up and put his clothes on. We said our goodbye's and he left. I never talked to him again. I could tell that his feelings were hurt, but I really didn't have a reason to care.

So those my dear readers are the only 3 times that I have had sex while traveling. I don't do it anymore because I am focusing on establishing a relationship with one person now. It just wouldn't seem right to be f-cking all over the continent.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


I had some thoughts on my mind and decided to post them in a poem. Here it is.


I want to feel IT in every pore of my body,
I want to feel IT in every hair on my head,
I want to feel IT in all ten fingers and all ten toes,
I want to feel IT in each leg and each arm,

Got to feel IT the when you look into my eyes,
Got to feel IT when your body touches mine,
Got to feel IT when you hold me in your arms,
Got to feel IT when you give me a kiss,

I have to know IT when you walk through the door,
I have to know IT when you scream my name,
I have to know IT when you are mad at me,
I have to know IT when are feeling your worst,

What is this IT? It's your love.

They Fucking With Me

For the last few years, I have been watching my temper and controlling my tendency to "go off" when people piss me off. But last Monday, I HAD to snap on a bitch! Wanna know what happened? I'll tell you.

I had just arrived from Juneau, Alaska on an Alaska Airlines flight and walked to Delta gate A13. Since my flight had been booked through Alaska Airlines, I was not sure if I was eligible for an upgrade to first or business class. I saw one agent at the desk and one at the door and decided to ask. When I approached the desk, there was an agent on the telephone and one standing by the gate door. Being the polite person that I am, I decided to wait until she finished her call. But, when she finished her phone call, she never looked up at me. She looked past me, but never at me. I was so appalled, that I didn't say anything. By this time, the gentleman that was by the door walked to the desk and started to talk to the woman who was ignoring me. I just stood there appalled that neither of them had noticed that I was standing there, 2 fucking feet away. I honestly felt as though I was being ignored on purpose. After they finished their conversation, the walked from around the desk and started down the hall together. I was so shocked, that I stood there for a minute before I realized that they had walked away. Other passengers in the gate area were just as shocked as I was.

At this point, I was a little more than shocked AND annoyed, so I decided to confront them on this issue. When I caught up with them, I asked them if they had noticed that I was standing there waiting to be helped. Both of them denied seeing me standing there. I asked them "how the hell is it possible that a 6'2" tall Black man can stand 2 feet away from you and you not see him." Both of them again said that they did not see me.

The female agent then told me that I should have said something while she was on the phone. I told here that as a Southerner I feel that it's rude to interrupt someone on a telephone call. I asked why did she never look up or around to see if anyone was there and again how she did not notice me? Her reply was that she was not a gate agent and would not have been able to help me anyway.

At that point, I told her that what she and the other gentleman did was rude and not customer friendly. She then told me that she was not a rude person, thereby taking the conversation to a personal level. I told her that I did not say that she was rude, but her actions were rude, not her. She then got upset and told me again that she was not a rude person.

The gentleman then asked me if there was anything that he could do to help me. I told him "no," because I was so upset that I had forgotten what it was that I wanted. I then told them both that the conversation was over and that I would take the issue up with Special Member Service (I called but could not get anyone on the phone). The gentleman walked away as I started to do. But the lady, stepped in my way and told me again that she was not a rude person. I explained again that I had said that her actions were rude, not her. When I attempted to walk away again, the bitch stepped in front of me again. My first instinct was to move her out of the way, but instead I asked her to move out of my way. When I attempted to walk away, she stepped in front of me again. Before she could say anything, I told her to please move before the situation got physical. I did not want to have to put my hands of her for fear of being accused of anything by a caucasion woman. This time when I attempted to walk away, she did not try to stop me. I then walked off to get me something to eat and calm down.

I normally don't report incidents of poor customer service, but this was my breaking point. Although the good experiences outnumber the bad ones, this was by 3rd bad experience in the last 30 days. When I returned to the desk, there was a new guy there. He acknowledged me when I was about 5 feet from the desk. This, in spite of the fact that he was staring down into a computer. I told him what happened and he immediately apologized and upgraded me to first class.

I try my best to be polite and nice to people, but please tell me why people have to fuck with me? I really don't like to go off on people, but that heifer had it coming! If I am ever back in Seattle International Airport and see that winch, she is gonna catch it again!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I Just Have To Ask

I just have to ask because I know that I can't be the only one. Do you ever get so horny that you start shaking? Please someone tell me that they get the same way.

Right now, I am in LA, 1800 flying miles away from my VP who is in Atlanta. I swear that I am so in need of one of his workouts that I am shaking like a leaf in the wind. I am trying to not have have a personal sex session, but I'm about to lose my mind. What do you all suggest that I do?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Don't Want To Be A Fool

Excerpt from "Don't Want To Be a Fool" by Luther Vandross.

Each time around I tell myself

It's the game of love

Ignore the signs and risk it all

In the name of love

Well i've decided i can't let nobody fool me again

So I'll say it til the end

I just don't want to be a fool

(don't want to be a fool)

Said i don't want to be a fool ever again

I am not a writer, so I have to look to someone elses writing to convey my feelings sometimes. Who better than Luther?

Right now, I am feeling like I am becoming a fool for love. The strange thing about it is that I am not in love with or loving anybody right now. But I feel like the want, desire, and quest for love is consuming too much of my time and mind. For the last few months, love and the thought of it, have occupied too much of my thinking. I have awakened some mornings wondering if love is gonna come my way. I go to sleep at night thinking the same thing.I think about what could happen when I fall in love again. Is it gonna give me those "Happy Feelings" that Maze and Franky Beverly sang about. Am I gonna get a "Love TKO" like Teddy Pendergrass sang about.

I want to be, but I won't allow myself to be. The reason. When I start to feel like I am in love, I get a little stupid. I don't know what happens, but I lose my mind a little bit. I start to let things pass my eyes and ears that shouldn't. I start to do things that I normally wouldn't do.
I keep thinking about the things that I have done when I have been in love.

One example: I came out to my boss because I was in love with someone. Here is the story. I was in a situation with Chicago, my ex-boyfriend. He lived in Chicago and I in Atlanta. I met him while I was on an assignment in Chicago. A few weeks later, I saw another assignment there on the schedule. I called my boss and begged her to let me go even though she had already assigned someone to the trip. She asked why I was so adament about going. I told her the truth. It was so that I could spend time with my boyfriend since we were in a long-distance situation. She was surprised about my sexuality, but I went on 6 other trips to Chicago that year to see Chicago.

Another example. I was so in love with someone that I would like to forget that I misinterpreted something that he said. Need To Forget and I had a little something going back when I was a naive little 19 year old in college. It didn't last long because he said that he was bisexual and confused, so he "broke up" with me after a month because he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship with a man. But, he said that he wanted to stay "friends" with me. A week after breaking my heart, we were having a "friendly" conversation and Need To Forget told me that he thought that he was ready for a relationship. I was happy like a muthafucka and went and told a few of my friends that he wanted me. They all looked at me like I had lost my mind because I was smiling so hard. The happiness didn't last long, because someone went back and told Need To Forget that I had told him that we were gonna be a couple. Later that day he called me and asked me to come to his dorm room because he had something to tell me. When I got there, he told me that yes, he was ready for a relationship, but no, it was not with me. It was with a girl by the name of Rashida; who I despised. Needless to say, I was crushed beyond belief. And what was worse, he tried to convince me to have sex with him (we hadn't done it before). I told him that the most that I would let him do was to kiss my ass!

So, you see here, I don't want to be a fool again and do something crazy because I love or am in love with somebody. That's the reason, why I don't get upset now when fellas do dumb shit like lie or stand me up. I refuse to let them think that they have made a fool of me.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Random Thoughts

I never do random post, so I thought "why not?"

1. I'm in Anchorage, AK till Friday. Please tell me why did the sun not rise until 10am and set at 3:45pm. I woke up at 8am confused like a mutha wondering where the sun was.

2. I know that this is TMI, but I am gonna discontinue jacking off for a while. Let's just say that I didn't use any lubrication a few days ago and I am paying the price now. I took that as a sign to leave my fella alone.

3. I just realized that I am poor. I was on an unplanned vacation from work from Aug 17-Sep16. Since we only get paid for days that we actually travel, I didn't make any money for a month and missed 2.5 paychecks. It will take me until the end of this month to get back to where I was previously.

4. Why am I always surprised when people tell me that I am masculine?

5. Why am I always surprised when people are attracted to me or tell me that I am cute?

6. I have only driven my car 3000 miles since July 28. I'm trying to stay below 90,000 mile so that I can get something for it when I trade it in for that pre-owned Range, S500 or XJ8, or Volvo XC90. My next car WILL be a real luxury vehicle.

7. I wanted to be off for New Years because VP is gonna be off and we were gonna spend time together. He is having a party that he wanted me to be in attendance. But I found out today that I HAVE to work because too many people have requested off. But since we get paid only for the days that we travel, a brutha ain't gonna complain about having work.

8. I have not been reading blogs like I use to. I have just not had the time. But there are some people blogs that I have to read (and you all probably know who you are).

9. I am so fucking horny right now. I cannot wait to get home so that I can see VP. That's a date that I know he ain't gonna break.

10. I love my job, but I am tired of being away from home. I feel like I have no life.

11. I am in the Alaskan time zone four hours behind Eastern Time, so it is now 8:50pm, but my body thinks that it is 12:50 am. I am going to bed now. Holla back youngins!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

First, Last, Now

I stole this from Mashaun's blog. I actually typed this in word at the airport this morning in word format because I didn't have an internet connection. So, it's really not all that accurate since I am posting it 20 hours late. But, who gives a shit?

First job: Weichman's Restaurant- I was a dishwasher and cook
First screen name: nlt62 and I still use it 9 years later
First funeral: I really don't remember
First pet: My first pet was a cat named snowball. She was so-named because when she was born, she was all white and looked like a ball of snow.
First piercing: Don't have any and have no plans on getting any.
First tattoo: November 1999. I got a dragon on my right forearm.
First credit card: JC Penney. The would give you 10 percent off of a purchase if you applied. I never thought that I would be approved. Now I wish that I never had been.
First kiss: Don't remember
First enemy: Jovita Chandler. She use to call me "Norris the nerd" because I could do the fifth grade work when I was in 4th grade. I hated that big-nosed skank-hoe.

LastLast car ride: This morning to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport for a flight to Alaska.
Last kiss: Sunday morning with Infiniti (That one-week situation is over).
Last movie watched: Capiero 3 (A Brazilian Porno flick, and it was hot like fire.)
Last beverage drank: Lipton Brisk Iced Tea. If you haven't tried it, don't. You will become addicted to it.
Last phone call: To:VP to say good morning From:VP to wish me a safe flight.
Last time showered: This morning before I left for the airport
Last CD played: A jazz CD that I bought from a black owned bookstore at Southlake Mall.
Last website visited:
Last Book Read: Sons by Alphonso Morgan

Single or taken: Not sure what to answer this with. I am still seeing VP and want to take it further. He admitted that he does also.
Gender: Male
Birthday: March 4th
Sign: Picses
Siblings: 5 brothers and 1 sister
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Dark brown. I love to stare into my own eyes now. I think that they are beautiful Wearing: Camel-colored M Julian leather coat. Gap Blue Jeans. Old Navy Button Down. Brown Timbs.
Drinking: Nothing, but about to go get me another Lipton Brisk Ice Tea
Thinking about: My finances and VP ( I swear that man has got my nose open)
Listening to: The news on CNN.
Looking at: Some nasty ass old white dude scratching his balls. I wanna go slap the piss out of him.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Good Feeling

I just had to share with you all something that gave me a good feeling today. Today was the day that I chose to get my tetra-annual HIV test (I go every 3 months). I went to AIDAtlanta to get my free (donations are accepted), anonymous, and quick (10-20 minutes) HIV antibody test. First, my results were negative just as I wanted them to be. But something else made me feel good. The place was packed. There were about 13 people in the small office. But the thing that really made me smile was that of the 13 people in the office, 6 were black. There were 3 black males including myself, 2 black females, and 1 male-to-female transexual. The fact that we were there helps to dispel the myth that black people don't care about our health.

I also learned 2 things today. The first is that HIV test don't test for the virus, but actually test for the antibody that is formed to fight HIV once it enters the body. The second thing that I learned had to do with cell phones. I kept wondering why they don't want people to use cell phones in health offices. It's so that people remain anonymous. They don't want people to A: blab in the office that they saw so-and-so there. And B: they don't want people using camera phones taking pictures.

You learn something every day.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Spare Tire

When I finished my last post, I mentioned a quote that says that "Men are like tires. You should always have a spare." I don't know where I got this from, but i'm only gonna get run flat tires from now on. No need for a spare.

I left off telling you about the two dates that VP broke. Quite a few people have told me to dump him and move on because of this. I want everyone to understand that I am trying to go into this situation differently. In previous situations, I would have dumped a guy at the first sign of trouble. That modus operandi wasn't working at all. Yes, I was pissed, but VP apologized on both occastions. We have talked about it and I am gonna be patient with this situation.
Also, he is not DL or deeply closeted as I may have implied. He is just not out to his mother.

Now for the spare tire. Last Saturday, I met a guy who I will call Infiniti. He and I immediatley clicked. We went on an unplanned date where we went to a bookstore to get a new novel by Dayne Avery titled "I Wrote This Song" and also went to a nice little restaurant called Einsteins in Midtown Atlanta. I had a really good time with him talking and laughing. We then went back to my place and talked some more. I explained to him that I was seeing someone and he said that he was all right with that because he just wanted to meet someone who was cool. He said that he was cool with the fact that I was already seeing someone and knew what he was getting himself into. I told him that I was making him no promises. It occurred to me that Infiniti was liking me and me him.

The drawback with him is that he claims to be deeply closeted. He also claims to never have seriously dated a guy before which also means that he has never sustained a relationship with a guy either. He says that his situations with men have only been sexual because he has not met anyone that he wanted to continue to date. Until me.

I honestly should not have even met him because I am trying to cultivate something with VP. But I was bored and a man asked me to go out with him. So that's what I did. But I never figured that I would really like the guy and he said the same about me. But it happened anyway.
Last Tuesday night I told VP about my date and of course he got upset. But he tried to play the "you're grown and can do whatever you want to do" game with me, but I knew that he was pissed. I didn't feel guiltly about my date because there is no committment between us and that's what I told him. We didn't talk again until Thursday when he called me. I guess that going out with someone else made him jealous because he has called me at least twice a day everyday. That led up to him promising to see me on Friday night and aborted date #2. I decided to give myself 2 days before I talked to him at that point. I have a tendency to go off when I get upset and didn't want that to happen. Remember, I am trying to do differently.

Last night when I got in from the club, Infiniti called me and asked me to come over, and I did. We slept and then got up, talked, and watched football for a while. While I was there, VP called me and I didn't answer. Infiniti asked me how I felt about VP and I told him that I really did like him. He said that it seems like I am holding onto a last glimmer of hope that it will work out with VP. I then left and went home. I sent him a text message thanking him for being as cool as he has been and also to let him know that his comment kinda got to me. He sent me one back saying "whatever." I was confused and sent him back one asking "what." He sent me one back saying that he was pissed at me because I still wanted to see VP. I just looked at the phone thinking "what the hell is wrong with these damn muthafuckas these days." First he says that he has no issue with seeing me even though I am already seeing someone, and then he has an issue with it one week later. I sent him a message saying that I would talk to him later and received on back saying tht he was pissed and didn't feel like talking to me. Well, another bites the dust.

I talked to VP about our aborted date today and he apologized. He says that he had fallen asleep by the time I had called. My first instinct was to call him a liar, but I thought about the fact that it is plausible that he could have fallen asleep since he had worked 13 hours that day. I can't prove that he wasn't asleep and that he was blowing me off. If he says that he was asleep, then I'll accept that. I don't have to believe it, but I will accept that and let the mishap go. I'll say once again that I am doing things differently this time. I'm tired of being suspicious about everything.

Although he has missed 2 dates, I am gonna continue seeing him. I understand you all's concerns and I do keep my eyes open. Remember that Berlin Wall that I spoke of? I really do like this guy and it is difficult to convey all of the occurences between us on this blog. If you all could see our interactions, you would understand why I like him and want to continue seeing him.

So all in all, there will be no more spare tires and I am gonna continue seeing VP so see how it plays out.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

The Inevitable

When I last blogged about VP, I was delighted with him and all of his wonderment. I felt like he was what I wanted and needed in a partner/spouse/husband. Now in spite of what you may think already, I still feel that way. But there have been 2 issues that have gotten on my nerves the last 2 weeks.

Issue 1: His mother has been in town since the Sunday before Thanksgiving. She has no idea that he is gay and he wants it to stay that way. I don't have a problem with that because it's his issue to deal with. Of course, I can't spend the night with him since she is there, so that is not the issue. The issue is that today makes 2 weeks since I have seen him. Now granted, I was out of town for 5 days, but I still have not seen him. Now, I can't go over to his house within his mother getting in our business, but what is wrong with him coming over to my house. I understand that he works 10-12 hours a day, but I still don't think that that's an excuse.

Issue 2: He has broken 2 dates that we set up. We have known each other for a month now and have yet to do anything outside of the house. Now I enjoy laying up with him and watching a movie or 2, but I want to do something outside of the house. The broken date occured last Friday. He called me and told me that he was heading to a friend's house for a get together and wanted me to meet him there. He told me that he would call me when he got there and give me directions. I was cool with that. I got up and took a shower, ironed the jeans and shirt, and waited for him to call me back. This was at 11pm. By 1 am, I realized that I had been waiting and hadn't gotten a call back. I was not about to call him, so I sent a text message telling him that I was going to bed. I talked to him MONDAY when I got to Arizona and he said that he thought that I said that I would call him. What fucking sense does that make? Somebody please tell me, cause a brotha is at a loss on that one.

My theory: He saw some little fella with a better ass or bigger muscles and forgot about my tight cute ass and newly formed muscles.

The second date that he broke was last night. He called about 7 and told me that he wanted to come over once he got home and took a shower. I told him that I had friends staying at my house and that we were gonna head to THE CLUB about midnight. He got a little miffed because the night before, he told me that he would be coming to see me, but after the first incident, I went ahead and made alternate plans. I told him that I wouldn't go out if he was coming over and he told me to call him at midnight when my boys left for the club. So I did. And you can guess that I didn't get an answer, but the little white lady on the voice mail sounded so nice telling me that he wasn't available. So, I put on the baggy blue jeans, clean white t-shirt, blue and white track jacket, blue and white belt, and blue and white shoes. Then I jumped in the blue Maxima and headed to the club. I wasn't even mad, disappointed, or upset.

Now at this point, I keep thinking that maybe I should let his ass go. The first issue I can deal with because the Moms will be gone when I get back from my next trip. But the second issue seems like it will become a recurring problem. What do you all think I should do.?

I'm not stressed about it because like I have said before, "Men are like tires. You always keep a spare." I'll explain that one later.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

World AIDS Day

I was gonna do some searching and find some information to post for the observance of World AIDS day, but I am not. I don't feel the need to do it. If by now, you have not found out what HIV/AIDS is and does, then there is little hope for you. If you have not found out how HIV/AIDS is transmitted, then there is little hope for you. If you have not found out how detrimental this disease is, then there is little hope for you.

But let's do take this time to remember those that are living with and those who have died from this horrible disease. And do your part to help stop it.