Monday, December 12, 2005

Don't Want To Be A Fool

Excerpt from "Don't Want To Be a Fool" by Luther Vandross.

Each time around I tell myself

It's the game of love

Ignore the signs and risk it all

In the name of love

Well i've decided i can't let nobody fool me again

So I'll say it til the end

I just don't want to be a fool

(don't want to be a fool)

Said i don't want to be a fool ever again

I am not a writer, so I have to look to someone elses writing to convey my feelings sometimes. Who better than Luther?

Right now, I am feeling like I am becoming a fool for love. The strange thing about it is that I am not in love with or loving anybody right now. But I feel like the want, desire, and quest for love is consuming too much of my time and mind. For the last few months, love and the thought of it, have occupied too much of my thinking. I have awakened some mornings wondering if love is gonna come my way. I go to sleep at night thinking the same thing.I think about what could happen when I fall in love again. Is it gonna give me those "Happy Feelings" that Maze and Franky Beverly sang about. Am I gonna get a "Love TKO" like Teddy Pendergrass sang about.

I want to be, but I won't allow myself to be. The reason. When I start to feel like I am in love, I get a little stupid. I don't know what happens, but I lose my mind a little bit. I start to let things pass my eyes and ears that shouldn't. I start to do things that I normally wouldn't do.
I keep thinking about the things that I have done when I have been in love.

One example: I came out to my boss because I was in love with someone. Here is the story. I was in a situation with Chicago, my ex-boyfriend. He lived in Chicago and I in Atlanta. I met him while I was on an assignment in Chicago. A few weeks later, I saw another assignment there on the schedule. I called my boss and begged her to let me go even though she had already assigned someone to the trip. She asked why I was so adament about going. I told her the truth. It was so that I could spend time with my boyfriend since we were in a long-distance situation. She was surprised about my sexuality, but I went on 6 other trips to Chicago that year to see Chicago.

Another example. I was so in love with someone that I would like to forget that I misinterpreted something that he said. Need To Forget and I had a little something going back when I was a naive little 19 year old in college. It didn't last long because he said that he was bisexual and confused, so he "broke up" with me after a month because he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship with a man. But, he said that he wanted to stay "friends" with me. A week after breaking my heart, we were having a "friendly" conversation and Need To Forget told me that he thought that he was ready for a relationship. I was happy like a muthafucka and went and told a few of my friends that he wanted me. They all looked at me like I had lost my mind because I was smiling so hard. The happiness didn't last long, because someone went back and told Need To Forget that I had told him that we were gonna be a couple. Later that day he called me and asked me to come to his dorm room because he had something to tell me. When I got there, he told me that yes, he was ready for a relationship, but no, it was not with me. It was with a girl by the name of Rashida; who I despised. Needless to say, I was crushed beyond belief. And what was worse, he tried to convince me to have sex with him (we hadn't done it before). I told him that the most that I would let him do was to kiss my ass!

So, you see here, I don't want to be a fool again and do something crazy because I love or am in love with somebody. That's the reason, why I don't get upset now when fellas do dumb shit like lie or stand me up. I refuse to let them think that they have made a fool of me.


Blogger Pammie said...

Just wanted to let you know that I act the same crazy ass way, lol lol I voted you as my current favorite blog - keep it up!

10:44 PM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger FreekONature said...

Man, that was deep. I can definitely see where you're coming from. I've written about my "fool" moment before. Hopefully staring it in the face each time I go to my blog will help me say no next time.

2:32 AM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger TrinaBeingTrina said...

I have never been in a situation where I went out of my way for someone, but it's just learning experiences. You live and you learn.

4:34 AM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger Ladynay said...

That is what being in love does. You don't see everything cuz everything is peaches and cream. You don't mind or care about things you normally would because everything is all good. That's part of being in love! Especially in the beginning!

7:32 AM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger Soulful Real said...

Everybody really DOES play the fool. The song has some truth to it. I think part of the reasons we allow ourselves to act out of the norm when we're in love is because it does feel good. It feels good to love and be in love and it feels even better when it's returned. It's one of those things that can be real bad for you but is still so dam good. I think the key to love is to do it unconditional. That way if it ever lets go you can be rest assured it will return.

9:37 AM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger E said...

I hate being the fool too but I guess benig the fool is part of the process.

6:45 PM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger No4real4real said...

Hey I am with you man. I ready for love but I will take my time and find someone right. In the meantime I will have to suck it up and just be horny because I am so disinterested in having casual sex. My last experience a few months ago didn't go to far. We will see what happens.

1:49 PM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger *Madosi said...

you do stoopid shyt cause you a pisces and that's what we do ... LOL


i feel ya patna, do what's best for you!

7:18 PM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger Stone said...

Ahh that is sweet of your boss to send you on those trips. when you are in love you tell the world

5:02 PM, December 15, 2005  
Blogger That Girl said...

Love is good do not want to miss out on what could be because you are scared.

2:15 PM, December 16, 2005  
Blogger D-Place said...

Everybody is giving you good advice. What I do, is just enjoy the moment. I think a lot of times we feel like a fool because we think we were used. In reality we didn't do anything that we didn't want to do so don't feel bad about that. They aren't getting anything that you didn't want to give. Enjoy the way that you love people. And know this too. Just like you found that one person, you WILL find another if they don't work out.

9:26 PM, December 19, 2005  

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