I've Decided to Purchase...

...a handgun. Yes, i finally made the decision to do it. For years, i've said that I wouldn't get one because I didn't want to ever have to use it, but things have changed. Two weeks ago, I came home to my apartment complex to find 6 police cars outside my building. They were pretty mum on telling us what exactly went on, but I found out that one of my neighbors had been the victim of a home invasion and sexual assault. I'm not sure of all of the details, but as of now, she is doing ok.

So i'm in the market for a handgun and I just have to do some research to find out what kind I should get.

Any suggestion?

I Read This Editorial, But...

...I'm not sure how I feel about it. But here it is. Let me know how you feel about it.

A Non-Pessimistic View On Why the Majority of SGL\Black Gay Men of Color Will Grow Old Alone

An editorial by Cleon T. Day, III

Some of you might think that the first part of the title doesn’t match up with the latter part. How can stating “the majority of SGL/Black Gay Men of Color will grow old alone” be a non pessimistic view. Well for one thing in the closer picture in your life with the exception of a few can you count the number of people you personally know who are in a long-term relationship on two hands. The facts within your own circle is evidence of the majority of SGL/Black Gay Men of Color being alone.

Many of you can give “good reasons” why you are alone. Some of you will say that it’s your choice but I believe it’s not your choice as it is the climate not being right, quality relationship- oriented men being available or accessible. I believe if you move in the same circles you been in for several or many years you will continue to experience men in the same circles you move in, the ones you don't want. Then there are those men who are tired of the games and the past headaches of the last or past relationships and are forced by the lack of available or accessible of SGL/Black Gay Men of Color looking for a long-term relationship so you resign yourself from the whole thing of going out and looking a partner.

At some point SGL/Black Gay Men of Color who have only dated within their race will date outside of their culture to find not perfection but “a good man”. For some odd reason there’s a notion that Caucasian men are good candidates for long-term relationship, a belief that there’s more stability, a partnership where there’s personal and material growth. Also Black Gay Men of Color are looking for respect something they aren’t getting too much of from their own brothas. On the other hand a conscious Same-gender Loving man would never consider dating descendants of former slave owners.

I postulate that there are more single relationship- oriented Same Gender Loving/Black Gay Men of Color available than there are not. However what I do say is although they’re available they’re not as easily accessible to us the majority of us. I believe most of these men are for the most part undetectable or as we say in gay terms "unclockable" . Some of these men are closeted and discreet while other unclockable men don’t define themselves as being out but just low-keyed and have no problems in going out with a brotha on a Friday or Saturday night where other heterosexual couples are going to be. However they don't see themselves standing out as a sore thumb but two male men out to catch a movies as any straight brothas and yet they're not measuring themselves against what "they" so.

So here are the facts as I see them;

1. Many of the men we tend to run into in the circles we continue to run in are not honestly looking for a relationship but if it happens it happens, in the meantime it’s about getting some dick or booty or both.

2. There are perhaps SGL/Gay Men of Color in every profession and income level that you can think of with the exception of President or Vice President of the United States.

3. Most of these SGL/Gay Men of Color are single and are not in the clubs or on the adult male sites looking for a long-term relationship.

4. Many long-term relationship- oriented SGL/Black Gay Men of Color are discreet, low key and go about their daily routine of going to work everyday and living for the weekend.

5. Many of these men will meet men from time to time whether it’s at the gym, at work or by chance in a grocery store. It might start off as a sexual encounter but because they are relationship- oriented it might turn into something more.

I believe if we continue to move in the same circles of meeting guys who aren't who we want or stay to ourselves undetected, relationship- oriented SGL/Black Gay Men of Color will continue to be by themselves and grown old alone.

I was good with his article until he gave his "facts" as he sees them.

1. Many of the people in circles I see do want relationships. They just don't want relationships with each other.

2. What was the point of that? I don't think that people really care that much about income. I know I don't. As long as you can take care of yourself, i'm good.

3. Well, where are they? The reason that people feel comfortable with clubs and chat sites is because they know that the men are same-sex attracted.

4. How does he know this? And what does he mean by discreet and low-key?

5. Again, how does he know this?

What do you all think?

I Have No Faith...

...in people when it comes to spiritual beliefs and I believe that I have explained why in at least one post or another. This was a thread on facebook that a "friend" of mine posted. The comments, although intended to be comical, just made my eyes bug out. Why are people so critical of other people's beliefs?


GK: asks what do you say to an atheist after they sneeze?? Anyone?? lol

Yesterday at 4:48pm · Comment ·

LC: Kazuntite!! Lol Idk
Yesterday at 4:50pm

GK: lmao! thats a good one
Yesterday at 4:51pm

NP: Hope u didn't get any on you
Yesterday at 5:15pm

AJJ : "You're f#cked!" Lol sike just playing...I don't know good question.
Yesterday at 5:17pm

Norris: You don't say anything and respect their beliefs. That's what I do.
Yesterday at 5:30pm · Delete

TU: Jesus loves you! LOL!
Yesterday at 5:31pm


GK: When u die nothin happens???
Yesterday at 5:45pm

CM: Go to hell?? lol They'd probably love that.
Yesterday at 5:58pm

Norris: Wow!! I can't even joke on this one because of the negative judgements about other people's beliefs. And people wonder why I stopped going to church. Why can't people just respect what other people believe?
Yesterday at 6:55pm · Delete

NJ: Welp I think Norris just shut this topic all the way down. NEXT! Lmao
55 minutes ago


I just didn't think that this was funny. If someone had made fun of Christianity, Islam, or Judiasm, I don't think there would have been any LOLs in the comments.

I'm Getting Tired Of...

...going out to clubs, parties, and other events. I've been feeling this way for a while and have been wondering why this change is occuring. I noticed last year that when my friends would want to go out, I started declining and would just stay at home. But when it was just an event that involved only my crew, I was all for it. In the last few weeks, i've figured out why I have become the way I have become.

Back in the early part of this decade, I would go out and people would be out to have fun. They danced and sang and partied until the club closed. That just doesn't happen anymore. It seems that people go out to social places just to be seen. They go to do what I call S&M, or Stand and Model. They stand around with their friends and associates with drinks in hand and try to see who's looking at them.

And don't dare speak!! Oh my!!! You get the "who are you to speak to me" look with a grab of the chest!! Why the hell are you going out if you don't want to interact with the other patrons of the social environment? I just don't get it. I remember once I spoke to a brotha and complimented him on his jeans because they were quite unique. This muthafucka turned his nose up at me and then turned his back to me. At first, I was going to let him HAVE IT!! But what would that do? Absolutely nothing but run up my blood pressure. So I just walked away.

Last week, I attended a BBQ hosted by a guy that I know. We got there pretty early so we were able to see who all was coming in. Me being the person that I am, when I walked in the door, I spoke to those already in attendance. I noticed that as people came in, they didn't speak to others that were already there. Why the hell not? As the crowd grew, people started retreating to their corners with their friends with drinks and food in hand. After a while (and a few drinks), I got kinda tired of what I was seeing. I recruited 2 of my friends to go with me to speak to and introduce ourselves to EVERY person at the BBQ!!! And we did!!!! You should have seen the looks on faces!!! People were utterly shocked that we would do such a thing!! How dare you have the audacity to speak to people and introduces yourselves. Oh no they didn't!!! Oh yes the hell we did!!

I think that's one of the reasons why i've cut waaaayyyy back on my going out. I didn't go to the annual white party this year. I only go out to a club maybe 1 time a month. I don't do parties that often anymore. What I do is hang with my crew a lot more. Instead of trying to meet new people, i'll concentrate on improving the relationships that I have now. I don't need to go out to do that.

Maybe It's Just Me But...

...i'm feeling bothered by something and want to get some opinions on this.

Let's say you met a guy about a month ago. Fuck it!! I met a dude about a month ago and apparently he recorded my phone number incorrectly. I had just written him off by then. Then Sunday I went to play spades and he shows up since he lives in the same building as the host. We reconnect and have some convo and we ended up playing around later *no actual sex* that night (sue me, I was horny).

We've talked multiple times since then and he's telling me that he couldn't get me off of his mind for that month that we lost contact. I can't lie, the brotha left an impression on me that night also. That's the only reason he got my number. We've talked and several times and he's told me all that shit that I like to hear. But i've kept my guard up because we really and truly just met. I ain't trying to get goo goo eyes over a dude I just met. I mean the muthafucka is fine as cat hair, extremely masculine, and seems to be quite intellectual and he's getting his doctorate. But again, I'm not trying to get stupid over anyone.

I go to that same spot to play spades again and he's there. Since everyone there knows everyone there, we've kept the fact that we hooked up to ourselves. So there wasn't much interaction between the 2 of us. But I was playing spades and looked around to get a secret wink at him and didn't see him. When I got up from the table, I called him to tell him that I was about to leave. I figured that he was at home and I was going to ask him if I could stop by since I fly out Friday and he flys out Thursday. He answers and I ask him if he had left. To that he replied "yes" and then "let me call you back". All I could say was OK.

As I was preparing to leave, one of my boys asks me to play another game of spades with him. I sit down at the table and look out on the patio and he's standing on the patio looking me in my face. Of course, the first thing that came to my mind was "I thought he said he had left", but I let it go and continued my game.

Then when that game was over, I was preparing to leave. My card partner asked me to step out on the patio so that he could tell me about his new job opportunity. So I step out there and dude who I kicked it with is out there with some dude hanging off his neck. I didn't say anything, but just looked at him surprised. I told my boy that it was too hot out there and that we should step back inside to talk about his topic.

Now this is where I would like to have your opinions! I know I just met this dude for real on Sunday, but I was bothered. It wasn't curiosity, but truly frustration with brothas and there shit. I find it disrespectful to be hugged up with another dude while you're in the presence of someone YOU say you've want to holla at since you met. That's just not some shit I would do and I consider it foul as hell.

The strange thing about this shit is there were 2 different dudes flirting their asses off with me!! And one of them, I was attracted to like a muthafucka But because dude was there, I brushed it off.

So I have 2 questions.

1. Should I have been bothered by what I saw?

2. Should I have taken the cute dude who was flirting up on his game?

Let me know.


**Continuation***

First let me say that I am going to have to edit my post so that I don't seem so angry. I wasn't upset about the situation, I was just surprised. I knew I would need to get clarification from Doctorate so that I could clear my head.

I called Doctorate and we talked about what actually happened. When I called last night to see if he had left, he says that he told me "yes, i'm out on the patio, let me call you back". All I heard was "yes". But anyway I wasn't too worried about that situation.

On the other situation, he says that the guy that had his arms around his neck is a non-issue. They guy was drunk (to which several people there attested to) and he got a little too touchy feely. Doctorate says that when he wanted to push the guy off of him, but didn't want to cause a scene. Aight, so since I got my explanation and he got his about why I left, we're all good.

Now what I asked him was:

Can you be upfront and honest with me about anything that may happen between us?

Can you be truthful when I have a question about something?

Can you be respectful of me from the beginning?

Are you completely single and looking to date?

I got an answer in the affirmative on all of these questions and so did he when he returned them to me. I'm didn't ask him anything to try to jump into a committment. I asked him because I want to be assured that i'm not dealing with another brotha that is about head games. I just don't have the patience for it anymore. I'd rather ask upfront about a brotha's intentions.

So as of now, he and I are just going to try to enjoy each other and see what happens.

And i've got to learn to not overreact!!

I Have Never Understood...

...the point of smoking weed. Never. Have I tried it? Yes I have. Will I try it again? No. Why? Because it did nothing for me. What prompted this post? I'll tell ya.

I have a friend who smokes marijuana regularly. Yesterday I went over his house to play spades and to watch the BET Awards. His boyfriend also invited a few of his friends over. So I noticed that there was a distinct separation in the two groups. My friend and us were downstairs and the boyfriend and his friends were upstairs. We were playing cards, drinking liqour (water and sodas for me) and talking. They were upstairs "chiefing".

I went upstairs to play pool after I lost my game of spades and found the other group just sitting around smoking. When I walked in the room, there was a cloud of smoke near the ceiling and the room smelled like a bunch of ugh! What I noticed is that they were all sitting around looking depressed. They weren't talking, moving or anything else. It was like walking into a morgue. I kept wondering "what's the fun and enjoyment in this" becuase they looked like they were at a funeral. I went back downstairs and joined the fun there.

The one time I did smoke some, I was 27 years of age. Most of the people in my community I grew up with smoked weed and I just never wanted to. I just didn't see the point. In addition, it's illegal. So at the ripe old age of 27, I decided to see what the fuss was all about. So a friend of mine rolled up and blunt and gave me instructions on how to pull, inhale, and exhale. Well after the blunt was gone I noticed that he was in his own little world, while I was sitting there waiting for this so called "euphoric" feeling to come over me where I feel like all my troubles are gone. It never came. After about an hour of waiting, I gave up on that feeling ever coming. Smoking weed did absolutely nothing for me. Nothing.

I guess that's why I am a drinker and not a smoker. First of all, it's legal to purchase. I don't have to wonder if the person selling it to me is an undercover police officer or not. Second of all, I know what to drink to give me a "euphoric" feeling and I know exactly where to get it.

So i'm wondering if someone can tell me what they enjoy about smoking marijuana. Because a brotha like me just doesn't get the point.

I've Had My Share...

...of sex over the years. And now I want to just ramble on about it. It's just been on my mind lately that I have had a lot of sex over the years and now I feel kinda slutty about it. Luckily i'm still untainted and healthy.

I think that I had the most sexual partners during the years of 2005 and 2006. I was a true sexual being. During those 2 years, I think that I had about 20 different sexual partners. To some that may seem like a lot and to others that may seem like not too many. During those 2 years, I was completely single and free to do what I wanted. I just felt like I could do what I whatever, whenever, and whoever I wanted. Although I always used condoms, I was scared each time I took an HIV test or and STD screening. Well, I have slowed down in my old age. I still have sex every now and then, but not as frequently or with as many people.

Now this year, I have added to the number of sexual partners, but not in the number that I did in previous years. I guess it's because I actually want to date someone. I want to wait to have sex until I actually know someone before I have sex. I don't want my first memory of being with someone to be of us moving furniture and putting holes in the wall. I would so much rather have a first memory of a real date. But brothas don't seem to know what a date is anymore.

I still have had a few hookups recently, but I have a rule in place. If I meet a dude and all he wants is sex, then that's all he gets. After we hookup, I don't want to see him again. There will be no dating after a sexual hookup. NONE! Then there are the brothas that like to tell you what they think you want to hear so that they can get in your pants. They tell you that they want to to date or even get serious one day. But their intention is to have sex as soon as they can. I can smell these brothas a mile away. Sometimes, like Monday night, I go ahead and have sex with them. Most times, I just tell them that they aren't getting any and get as far away from them as possible. But I've made a decision that i'm going to have to stick with.

I've decided to abstain from sex. I've said this to myself several times and haven't stuck to it. But there have been 2 times in my life where I did abstain for 6 months or more. It wasn't fun, but I was assured that I wasn't going to catch an STD or HIV. This time i'm older, wiser, and a lot more patient. I can do it this time.

The reason that I'm abstaining is that I:

1. Don't want to catch an STD or HIV. No explanation needed.

2. I want to actually feel something for the next person I have sex with other than lust.

3. Casual sex has just gotten boring. I used to hookup because I liked sex and having sex made me feel wanted. But that shit has gotten old.

4. Did I say that I wanted to remain HIV and STD free.

So, i'm going to just hold out on sex until i'm seriously dating someone. There will be no more first night sex. No more sleepovers soon after or the day we meet. No more sex or any kind, oral, anal or foreplay after January 1, 2009. NONE!!!

I'm going to break out the ring that Jaila gave me last year and wear it on my hand instead of on my necklace. When I get tempted i'll show it to the tempter and let him know of my plan. The quickest way to run a brotha off is to let him know that your abstaining from sex until a you have a committment.

Let's see what happens!!!!

Kid In A Candy Store

Atlanta really is a candy store when it comes to sexy, phyne, good-looking brothas. Last Saturday, 2 of my friends and I took a trip to 6 Flags over Georgia. From the moment we got out of the car, all 3 of us noticed that there was an abundance of attractive brothas all over the place. We saw them in all shapes, sizes, and shades of brown.

It got me to thinking about why people cheat on others. It seemed as though just as soon as I saw one that made me want to swoon and he got out of my sight, another one would appear. I would take 10 steps and see a defined brotha in a tight a-shirt *I don't like the label "wifebeater"* with a basketball booty. In the next 10 steps I would see a brotha with bulging biceps stretching his polo shirt to oblivion and calves of doom giving a pair of jean shorts hell. And then in the next 10 steps, I would see a father with his son(s) or daughter(s) and think that it's the cutest thing in the world. All of the sights would make a dude forget about the rides and wonder which brotha he wanted to ride (I swear the thought never crossed my mind).

But I kept thinking that this is one of the reasons why people cheat. It APPEARS that there is always something better within the next 10 steps *although we are judging solely on the physical*. You are with a dude that you think you are satisfied with and then BAM, another one appears and gives you some attention. Believe me, it has happened several times while I have been dating Hollywood.

I'm not saying that I condone cheating because I don't. But you have to actually be in a relationship and committed to someone before you cheat. This could be one of the reasons that keep people from forming monogamous, committed relationships. You always think that someone else is better no matter how good you are treated or how phyne your man/woman is. All I am saying is that after my experience at 6 Flags is that I can understand.

So I have to ask the question. How you do stay or become satisfied with one person if there always APPEARS to be something better out there?

Note: This post has been modified from it's original version because several readers got the wrong idea. Changes appear in blue.

Another Lawsuit

Please read this and comment news story out of Chicago and comment.

Lawsuit Over Brokeback Mountain in ClassMay 13, 7:20 PM EST
The Associated Press

A girl and her grandparents have sued the Chicago Board of Education, alleging that a substitute teacher showed the R-rated film "Brokeback Mountain" in class.
The lawsuit claims that Jessica Turner, 12, suffered psychological distress after viewing the movie in her 8th grade class at Ashburn Community Elementary School last year.
The film, which won three Oscars, depicts two cowboys who conceal their homosexual affair.
Turner and her grandparents, Kenneth and LaVerne Richardson, are seeking around $500,000 in damages.
"It is very important to me that my children not be exposed to this," said Kenneth Richardson, Turner's guardian. "The teacher knew she was not supposed to do this."
According to the lawsuit filed Friday in Cook County Circuit Court, the video was shown without permission from the students' parents and guardians.
The lawsuit also names Ashburn Principal Jewel Diaz and a substitute teacher, referred to as "Ms. Buford."
The substitute asked a student to shut the classroom door at the West Side school, saying: "What happens in Ms. Buford's class stays in Ms. Buford's class," according to the lawsuit.
Richardson said his granddaughter was traumatized by the movie and had to undergo psychological treatment and counseling.
In 2005, Richardson complained to school administrators about reading material that he said included curse words.
"This was the last straw," he said. "I feel the lawsuit was necessary because of the warning I had already given them on the literature they were giving out to children to read. I told them it was against our faith."
Messages left over the weekend with CPS officials were not immediately returned.

Now I will be the first to admit that the substitute teacher was wrong. She has no business showing ANY "R" rated movie to persons in a public school system. But we all know that the problem here is that the movie had a homosexual theme as evidenced by Mr. Richardson's use of the phrase "It is very important to me that my children not be exposed to this". I am thoroughly convinced that if this she had showed Forrest Gump or Star Wars, there would be no lawsuit.

In addition, if the showing of a movie with a homosexual theme has so severely traumatized this young lady, I truly believe that she was already psychologically traumitized. Most likely by her (seemingly) religious fanatics.

But my whole problem with the substitute is that she showed a movie at all. What was this class, film editing? She should have been teaching the kids just as the permanent teacher would (or maybe would have) been doing.

Do You Agree

A friend of mine sent this to me. I have no idea where she got it from, but it made sense to me. What are your thought on what this passage has to say about infidelity?


Infidelity in the gay and lesbian community causes many long-term relationships to end, disconnects or severs friendships, creates conflict between team or group members, and forces family members to deal with awkward situations. Yet, infidelity doesn't have to be the cause of so much heartache and difficulty; rather, if infidelity is treated as the symptom of a problem within a committed relationship, then dealing head-on with the problem may be the answer.

Certainly hurt and jealousy will stand in the way of immediate attempts at reconciliation. But after a short time of physical separation or not dealing with the problem, you and your partner may be able to sit down and discuss what went on. Strive to keep the focus on problems within the relationship that led to the affair, not on personal shortcomings. Caution your partner not to blame his or her actions on people or circumstances, but instead to take responsibility. Discuss outside resources you can use to work through your problems, such as spiritual advisor or therapist. Finally, both you and your partner need to be open and honest about what you both want in order to know whether you visions of the future of your relationship are comparable.

Today I'll make a serious effort to determine
whether my relationship is worth saving.
If it isn't, I need to walk away;
if it is, I need to stay and work on it.

Does It Matter To You?

So I have a co-worker that has a bit of a dilemma. I'll explain the situation. She has been dating/seeing a guy for 8 years. Of those 8 years, they have been living together for 2 years. The man takes care of her and pays most of the bills and treats her well. When she told me this, I was thinking "must be nice". But then she told me that she was tired of being with him and that there are a lot of things that she doesn't like about him *I guess it took 8 years to realize that* So I asked her why if she was tired of him doesn't she just leave him and find another man. Her reason: HE HAS A BIG DICK THAT FEELS GOOD.

Wait, I'm not finished. For the last 6 months, she has been dating another guy on the side that she is most certainly in love with. The guy is willing to do whatever she wants and wants to take care of her and has even offered to buy her a car to replace the clunker she has now. So I asked her why doesn't she dump Guy #1 and get with Guy #2. Her Reason: HE HAS A DICK THAT'S NOT EVEN 4 INCHES LONG AND IN ORDER FOR HER TO GET AN ORGASM SHE HAS TO WORK TOO HARD.

I looked at her like she had gold teeth and a jheri curl! I asked her why dick size was so important to her. She told me that she likes getting her orgasms without having to work for it and that "big dicks do it for her". For once in my life, I kept my opinion to myself and just said "oh".

But I don't get it. Why does the size of a man's dick have so much say in whether or not he is worthy of being with? That's one aspect of a man that has never had any bearings on how I felt about him. I have dated and had sex with dudes with all lengths and girths (If that makes me sound like a hoe, oh well). Believe me, I have never failed to achieve an orgasm no matter what the size of the dick I was playing with.

So I ask you all, does the size of a dude's dick have any say in your decision to date him?

Does sex get better with an increase in the size of the dick?

Have any of you ever measured your's or someone elses' dick?

And for those asking for a big dick, what are you offering?