Thursday, July 16, 2009

Maybe It's Just Me But...

...i'm feeling bothered by something and want to get some opinions on this.

Let's say you met a guy about a month ago. Fuck it!! I met a dude about a month ago and apparently he recorded my phone number incorrectly. I had just written him off by then. Then Sunday I went to play spades and he shows up since he lives in the same building as the host. We reconnect and have some convo and we ended up playing around later *no actual sex* that night (sue me, I was horny).

We've talked multiple times since then and he's telling me that he couldn't get me off of his mind for that month that we lost contact. I can't lie, the brotha left an impression on me that night also. That's the only reason he got my number. We've talked and several times and he's told me all that shit that I like to hear. But i've kept my guard up because we really and truly just met. I ain't trying to get goo goo eyes over a dude I just met. I mean the muthafucka is fine as cat hair, extremely masculine, and seems to be quite intellectual and he's getting his doctorate. But again, I'm not trying to get stupid over anyone.

I go to that same spot to play spades again and he's there. Since everyone there knows everyone there, we've kept the fact that we hooked up to ourselves. So there wasn't much interaction between the 2 of us. But I was playing spades and looked around to get a secret wink at him and didn't see him. When I got up from the table, I called him to tell him that I was about to leave. I figured that he was at home and I was going to ask him if I could stop by since I fly out Friday and he flys out Thursday. He answers and I ask him if he had left. To that he replied "yes" and then "let me call you back". All I could say was OK.

As I was preparing to leave, one of my boys asks me to play another game of spades with him. I sit down at the table and look out on the patio and he's standing on the patio looking me in my face. Of course, the first thing that came to my mind was "I thought he said he had left", but I let it go and continued my game.

Then when that game was over, I was preparing to leave. My card partner asked me to step out on the patio so that he could tell me about his new job opportunity. So I step out there and dude who I kicked it with is out there with some dude hanging off his neck. I didn't say anything, but just looked at him surprised. I told my boy that it was too hot out there and that we should step back inside to talk about his topic.

Now this is where I would like to have your opinions! I know I just met this dude for real on Sunday, but I was bothered. It wasn't curiosity, but truly frustration with brothas and there shit. I find it disrespectful to be hugged up with another dude while you're in the presence of someone YOU say you've want to holla at since you met. That's just not some shit I would do and I consider it foul as hell.

The strange thing about this shit is there were 2 different dudes flirting their asses off with me!! And one of them, I was attracted to like a muthafucka But because dude was there, I brushed it off.

So I have 2 questions.

1. Should I have been bothered by what I saw?

2. Should I have taken the cute dude who was flirting up on his game?

Let me know.


First let me say that I am going to have to edit my post so that I don't seem so angry. I wasn't upset about the situation, I was just surprised. I knew I would need to get clarification from Doctorate so that I could clear my head.

I called Doctorate and we talked about what actually happened. When I called last night to see if he had left, he says that he told me "yes, i'm out on the patio, let me call you back". All I heard was "yes". But anyway I wasn't too worried about that situation.

On the other situation, he says that the guy that had his arms around his neck is a non-issue. They guy was drunk (to which several people there attested to) and he got a little too touchy feely. Doctorate says that when he wanted to push the guy off of him, but didn't want to cause a scene. Aight, so since I got my explanation and he got his about why I left, we're all good.

Now what I asked him was:

Can you be upfront and honest with me about anything that may happen between us?

Can you be truthful when I have a question about something?

Can you be respectful of me from the beginning?

Are you completely single and looking to date?

I got an answer in the affirmative on all of these questions and so did he when he returned them to me. I'm didn't ask him anything to try to jump into a committment. I asked him because I want to be assured that i'm not dealing with another brotha that is about head games. I just don't have the patience for it anymore. I'd rather ask upfront about a brotha's intentions.

So as of now, he and I are just going to try to enjoy each other and see what happens.

And i've got to learn to not overreact!!

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Blogger Curious said...

Let me see if I have the timeline right. You have seen this guy three times in one month and Sunday as in 4 days ago was the 2nd time. Since then you've had a few conversations over the phone and he's said the same bullshit lines that we've all learned to say and because of that you think there was some commitment made. Then when you meet up for a 3rd time you play Grace Kelly with him, cool and distant until the end of the movie. Hmmm.


1) Whatever questions you had before about dude and you have been answered so there is no need to get all upset about what you saw.

2) That moment with cute flirty guy has passed already. If you want to see if you made a mistake ignoring him then you have to pursue him, get his number from someone or wait for the next meetup if it ever happens and if he turns up. Otherwise don't worry about it since he obviously didn't peak your interest enough the first time.

6:16 AM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger C. Baptiste-Williams said...

I don't think anyone can say "how" you should have felt. You felt the way you did. However seeing that you just met this person and have only been around him a few times I think it is unrealistic to think that he didn't have a life going on before.

You don't know the extent of the relationship with the patio boy and you shouldnt assume before writing him off see if he is single or if him and patio are dating also.

i think people skip the dating stages of relationships and go from meeting to exclusivity... that is unrealistic.

and yes you should have flirted back with the cute dude but as Curious said that moment has passed now.

7:53 AM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Bristol said...

It's hard to say how someone "should" react in that situation, but I think you handled it in an appropriate manner by just leaving the patio. He is someone new in your life and boys come with pasts. I would have done the same and been respectful of this guy that you were trying to get to know, but everyone does not carry themselves in the same manner. And yes I would have flirted with the cute guy, but kept it on the low.

9:16 AM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger thegayte-keeper said...


9:56 AM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Thanks for the comments since I needed some more perspectives on the situation. But I understand that you can't get the feel of the situation without actually being there.

But I don't want you all thinking that I am some lovesick school-girl. I never thought of the notion of committment. What I thought about was the word inappropriate. It doesn't matter if we just met or not, I just thought it was socially inappropriate.

9:56 AM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

I would feel a certain kind of way about it, too. I'm glad you didnt make a scene or do too much in general. I think you played it very cool and calm. I hope that you leave this dude alone. From what Im reading it sounds like the dude flat out lied about having left. That's some bullshit I wouldnt put up with and knowing you it aint some shit you would put up with either.

As for the other dude, if you are (were?) feeling him, then you should go for it for that reason, not to spite the liar.

I feel you on being sick of dudes and their bullshit.

10:03 AM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

It doesn't matter if we just met or not, I just thought it was socially inappropriate.

^^^BINGO!!!!! The shit was flat-out rude. Period. End of discussion.

10:04 AM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

I'm with Gate and Jones on this one...
You heard dude the first time...don't second-guess yourself. It's a mistake many of us make. Your FLIGHT instinct has been triggered and you're questioning whether the bear will really eat you - no pun. He will. You had your fun and you were also treated as a non-entity with the lack of regard to your opinion of him with a man dangling off his neck...let's keep in mind that dude could have simply smiled, pulled dude off and walked back inside. As you mention in your post, something physical did happen, so a more respectful demeanor toward you is called for - especially in light of the fact that he alleges to be feeling you.
My honest with it if that's all your after, but if you intend to be serious, save yourself the frustration now.

3:33 PM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Ty said...

Before I read your follow-up I was going to say that it was too soon to expect too much of him. Both of you are still single and while you are single you are able to "see" more than one person. That is until the "commitment" talk happens. The way I see it, he was hanging out with friends and flirting with you (with history) and with the other guy.

Now with all of that said, would I do that? No. And I would have felt a little off, at first, in your shoes as well. But time reveals all things so don't give up too soon. He may actually be a keeper.

4:07 PM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Pharaoh said...

Spades....good lawd yall should be playing Bid Whist! lol but moving on.

Until the patio scene was revealed I was going to say "dive in" if you were feeling him. You only live once...wouldn't it suck to wake up 20 years and wonder what if...because you didn't take a chance!

You were right to feel the way you did on the patio, just because that's how you felt...besides I think your feelings were the natural response and you handled the situation excellently. Had you caused a scene, That would have been over the top.

I still say take the to get to know the guy a little better.

And yes you should have flirted with the other cute guy! Who says you have to put all your eggs in one basket!

That's just my 25 cents worth.

11:35 PM, July 16, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's early, pay attention to actions and less attention to his words.

9:18 AM, July 17, 2009  
Blogger Thaddeus L. Works. said...

My good man, Luther Vandross sing a song title "Don't want to be a fool" have you heard it. Be very careful with your heart. People have died over broken hearts. I'm just saying.......,.,,

11:57 AM, July 17, 2009  
Blogger E said...

I admit when I was dating Rock there were times when I know I heard him say something but he would say that's not what he said and it would cause me to second guess myself. I realize I've done that a number of times with him during the course of our relationship.

I think he probably did just say "Yes." and may be saving face since you ran into him later.

I think you're handling things right though.

11:11 PM, July 19, 2009  
Blogger Keisha Kornbread said...

I say you write out your message....on a BRICK. And put it in his windsheild. THAT is how you leave an impression.

11:40 AM, July 20, 2009  
Blogger Chet said...

I believe you have figured this one out by now, it appears that you had answered all of your own questions prior to inquiring the opinions of your readers.

I am a firm believer that if they lie at the start it won't be long before it becomes habit forming within the relationship.

11:40 PM, July 23, 2009  
Blogger HisLoveCoversMe said...

Interesting man, very interesting. However, it does seem like you've got things all figured out.

I always say, don't sweat the small things. People always reveal who they truly are. Its up to us to pay close attention.

BTW. Love the photo's.

Blessings to you my brother.

1:22 PM, August 01, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with most of the other comments and i just add this, when a person reveals who they are believe it. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment but be on your guard, that way there will be no more surprises.

11:31 PM, August 02, 2009  

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