Do You Agree
A friend of mine sent this to me. I have no idea where she got it from, but it made sense to me. What are your thought on what this passage has to say about infidelity?
Infidelity in the gay and lesbian community causes many long-term relationships to end, disconnects or severs friendships, creates conflict between team or group members, and forces family members to deal with awkward situations. Yet, infidelity doesn't have to be the cause of so much heartache and difficulty; rather, if infidelity is treated as the symptom of a problem within a committed relationship, then dealing head-on with the problem may be the answer.
Certainly hurt and jealousy will stand in the way of immediate attempts at reconciliation. But after a short time of physical separation or not dealing with the problem, you and your partner may be able to sit down and discuss what went on. Strive to keep the focus on problems within the relationship that led to the affair, not on personal shortcomings. Caution your partner not to blame his or her actions on people or circumstances, but instead to take responsibility. Discuss outside resources you can use to work through your problems, such as spiritual advisor or therapist. Finally, both you and your partner need to be open and honest about what you both want in order to know whether you visions of the future of your relationship are comparable.
Today I'll make a serious effort to determine
whether my relationship is worth saving.
If it isn't, I need to walk away;
if it is, I need to stay and work on it.
Infidelity in the gay and lesbian community causes many long-term relationships to end, disconnects or severs friendships, creates conflict between team or group members, and forces family members to deal with awkward situations. Yet, infidelity doesn't have to be the cause of so much heartache and difficulty; rather, if infidelity is treated as the symptom of a problem within a committed relationship, then dealing head-on with the problem may be the answer.
Certainly hurt and jealousy will stand in the way of immediate attempts at reconciliation. But after a short time of physical separation or not dealing with the problem, you and your partner may be able to sit down and discuss what went on. Strive to keep the focus on problems within the relationship that led to the affair, not on personal shortcomings. Caution your partner not to blame his or her actions on people or circumstances, but instead to take responsibility. Discuss outside resources you can use to work through your problems, such as spiritual advisor or therapist. Finally, both you and your partner need to be open and honest about what you both want in order to know whether you visions of the future of your relationship are comparable.
Today I'll make a serious effort to determine
whether my relationship is worth saving.
If it isn't, I need to walk away;
if it is, I need to stay and work on it.
Labels: Dating, opinion, Relationships
posted by That Dude Right There at
3/26/2007 01:39:00 PM
4 Comments:
I've yet to enter into a same-sex relationship, but this makes perfect sense to me for all intimate, long-term relationships. Infidelity is certainly a symptom of an underlying problem. However, I know for me, it would take a LOT to forgive and forget this level of indiscretion. I will try to keep this passage in mind, but I know it will be very challenging should I ever face this situation.
As much as I dislike this woman, one thing came out of her mouth that struck a cord with me. "There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern"--Dr. Laura. I dealt with someone who for him, it was a pattern. He refused to get help. I just hope he won't keep putting other people through the same pain. I can work through a mistake. If it's a pattern it's time to pack your bags.
If you substitute straight relationships for gay relationships, it makes perfect sense to me. Does she give the same advice to straight couples? If so, they why does she need to qualify it with the gay and lesbian label?
My take, even though she's basically right, I'd tell her to shove it because she's speaking from a perspective of prejudice, unless she can prove to me this is the same advice she would give to anyone.
Actually she gives this advice to straight couples. She's not a fan of the gays.
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