Friday, March 16, 2007

I Want A Man In My Life

The other day, I was wondering when I was the happiest during my 29 years on this planet. Was it my childhood? Was it my adolescence? Was it during college? I thought about it for a while and realized that I was happiest when I was "married" and in love from 1999 until 2002. I kept wondering why was this my happiest time and just couldn't think of it.

Then it hit me. I was happiest because I felt loved and appreciated. It felt good to know that at the end of the day, someone who loved and wanted me was there for me. I miss that like hell! You just don't know. What is it about being with someone that makes me feel euphoric?

I loved coming home from work and cooking dinner for my boyfriend. I loved knowing that when we went to sleep, it would be together in the same bed. I loved knowing that on the weekend, we would spend time together or take a trip together somewhere. I loved knowing that when I needed someone to talk to, he was there and I didn't have to pick up the phone or leave the house. I loved laying on the sofa and feeling the man that I loved rub my shoulders.

I miss having a man around. And after 3 years of being "single" in the words of Natalie Cole, "I'm Catching Hell". But I don't know what to do. I keep meeting brothas that are just not there. They all say the right things and get my hopes up, but just leave me disappointed. I'm starting to think that something is wrong with me.

I'm not gonna lose hope, but I am frustrated. A few people have told me that I should date outside of my race, but I don't want to feel like I am giving up on my brothas. A few people have told me that I should loosen up and lower my expectations. I am not gonna do that and end up with someone just for the sake of having a man. A few people have told me that I should

But seriously, I don't know what to do. I have never believed that it takes someone else to help you be happy, but I am am starting to change my mind. There have been times that I have imagined living life single, but that's just not an option. I want a man to spend my life with and that's what I am gonna get.

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6 Comments:

Blogger life said...

Keep the faith!!! I don't know what to say. I'm not going to come up with some nice little saying life is just what it is. Hopefully, everything comes together

5:16 PM, March 16, 2007  
Anonymous Steve said...

I know what you mean about being in a relationship man, but for someone who is committed to that, it seems like the other one will always, in the end, screw it up. Life is a bitch that way.

4:20 AM, March 17, 2007  
Blogger The Captain said...

How is not living single an option? What do you want this "special" person to give you that you need to be happy?

I didn't know that you'll give another human more power to be a fixture in your life....this is why people suffer so much.

6:03 PM, March 18, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

It’s so strange that you talked about this because I’ve been feeling the EXACT same way. I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine (you know, the one that really knows me) and even though I’ve been single for close to four years now, I don’t quite like it. I spent the bulk of my youth in relationships – long term ones – and now that I’m more settled and can offer a relationship more, in terms of quality time, I’m single. I’ve realized that I am at my best when I’m in a committed relationship, but the RIGHT man has eluded me for quite some time now. What it boils down to (and it becomes apparent each time I do it right) is that we get back what we put out there. If we don’t expose ourselves (our positive, genuine selves) to the world, it’s difficult for someone to see us and what we have to offer. Many times in my frustration I recognize that I become cynical and jaded and don’t particularly convey the kind of man that someone may want to be with. Soooooooooooooooooooo…. The answer lies with us. We have to be the man we’re looking for, so the man that meets our standards see us for the REAL quality catch that we are. Good luck… I’ll keep you posted on when I connect with my soul mate.

You know what the alternative is right? We buy 5 cats and become those crafty, hateful queens who live on the house on the hill…. LOL… well, at least we’ll have FABULOUS parties!

8:52 AM, March 19, 2007  
Anonymous kennyking78 said...

Don't lower your standards. That is the last thing you want to do. I don't know what to say about dating outside of your race. I guess others have done it and it hasn't killed them, but I don't know if I am ready to buy into it myself.

I want to say that it will turn around, but I don't know how to say that and stand behind it completely. Though I have been in a relationship for a few years now I must say that I realize that I am in the minority of our culture. It is not rosy all of the time, but reading your post made me realize some of the important things I take for granted (the special moments).

I will pray for you. I know that meeting someone genuine nowadays is a hard thing to do, but I do agree with Cocoa Rican... we have got to project what we want by the way that we act.

Great post.

6:53 PM, March 21, 2007  
Anonymous B. Good said...

I agree with "the captain". You can't afford to give another person control over your emotions. Because while they can bring you happiness, they can also bring you tremendous pain. Regardless of who is in or out of your life, you must remain in control of it.

Wanting a man so much could also be the thing thats keeping them away. It doesn't sound like you're ready for a man to enter your life, as you may be too vulnerable at this point.

Enjoy this you time while you have it. And let someone who likes you for you come into your life when you are ready to receive them without being detrimental to yourself.

Best of luck to ya.

11:08 PM, March 23, 2007  

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