Thursday, February 22, 2007

Am I Too Independent?

You may want to read this post before you read the following post.

When I was 18, my Mother bought me a 1979 Oldsmobile Regency for my high school graduation present. Seven months later, during my freshman year of college, it was stolen. You can best believe that I was devastated to say the least because I had only liability insurance on the car. As no surprise to me, my mother refused to buy me another car. I wasn't upset because I knew that she thought that 1 car was enough. When I was growing up, she taught me to do everything for myself. By the time I was 10, I was able to cook my own breakfast, wash and iron my clothes, and cut the grass. She never taught my siblings or me to depend on others for anything that we needed or wanted. And those teachings have stayed with me.

I tend to think that if I need something, I should attempt to do it myself first before I ask for help. I have NEVER been one to ask for assistance before I attempt it myself first. When I was moving into my apartment in Atlanta, I moved just about everything in by myself. It wasn't until I got to my sofa and loveseat that I needed help. And I had to call 3 people before I was able to find one to come help me. And the only reason that I asked for it then was that I didn't want to damage them. If I could have put them on my back, I would have.

It's not to say that I won't ask someone for help, but I rarely do. The reasoning: I just can't depend on other people for many things. My independent upbringing has a lot to do with it, but it's moreso the fact that people always disappoint when asked for or to do something. I have always believed that if you don't expect something, you can't be dissapointed if it doesn't happen. How many times have you had someone to not show up as scheduled? To not call you "right back" like they said they would? To lie to you when they could have just told the truth?

Another reason that I don't like to ask people for things is that I don't like to inconvenience other people when I can do something myself. If I didn't have a car, I would not ask someone to take me somewhere when there are buses and trains running. If I didn't know something, I would attempt to find it out before I ask someone. If I had no money, I would not expect my friends to pay my way. I don't think that most people think about how things can inconvenience the people whom they ask things of. That bothers me.

I had a friend to ask me to "do" his resume so that he can post it on a website and find a job. My first question was "do you already have one?" His reply: "No, I wanted you to do it." I asked him to do one himself and then I would go over it with him. His reply was "I don't know how to do a resume." I told him that there was a time when I didn't, but I took it upon myself to learn what it took to do a resume. I told him that I would only help him with his resume, not do it for him. He called me a bitch. I told him that I was a bitch with a job. *Got his ass right together*

I have been told by several people that I am too rigid. And sometimes, I actually agree, but not most of the time. It's just that I see no reason why a person should not be able to do something for themselves.

I think that a lot of my self assessments have stemmed from the my being tired of being peoples' crutch. I always seem to be the one that people call when they need something. But it seems that there are only 2 people that I can call on when I need something. I can't do it anymore and I won't. People are gonna have to learn to rely on themselves.



Blogger j_shanlin said...

YESSS this blog was right on time!

3:05 PM, February 22, 2007  
Blogger life said...

Yeah, some people are just lazy. Dude you got to take it easy..u seem so ready to fight or go off.

12:35 AM, February 23, 2007  
Anonymous Steve said...

Man, I laughed OUT LOUD when I read that bit about you being a bitch with a job!

You know, being independent is a good thing, especially in today's world. You have to be able to take care of yourself. Of course, being so empowered also makes it possible for you to be less compromising in your selection of partners.

From another very independent person, it's a blessing and a curse, man.

The more I learn about you, the more I see how we are quite alike. It's a good thing we only know each other electronically - we'd probably get along like a couple of hissing cats if we met in person. :-)

1:48 AM, February 23, 2007  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

@J-It was supposed to be done on Tuesday. It took me 3 days to write it.

@Life-I'm pretty calm most of the time, but I do have a short fuse. But that fuse has grown in the last few years.

@Steve-I have compromised and compromised with prospective partners. It's not gonna happen as much now. Like I said in an earlier post. I want what I want.

And you had me laughing at the "hissing cats" line.

5:39 AM, February 23, 2007  
Blogger Ladynay said...

I feel you on more than a few points. I don't mind asking for help if I simply can't or really don't want to do something.

7:46 AM, February 23, 2007  
Blogger Trent Jackson said...

UM!!! You are so my thoughts. This is why we get along so well because we are on eye level on so many things! I was just having this conversation with myself the other day...

You're not to're protecting yourself! We already know if we don't do it no one else will!!!

Oh yeah, there is no such thing as too independent.

I appreciate you for exactly who you are! If you weren't in ATL i wouldn't know what to do, especially that night!!! ;-) I still owe u one

5:44 PM, February 23, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can completely relate. I hate to ask people for things, even family and friends. I like to think we are the strong ones.

9:47 PM, February 24, 2007  
Anonymous Steve said...

Here's someone else who is addressing the topic. You may have seen this post already:

10:16 AM, February 25, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

10:17 AM, February 25, 2007  
Blogger Tim said...

And the church says...


4:16 PM, February 25, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you think is given from you to filling their voids?

5:10 PM, February 25, 2007  
Blogger ProfessorB said...

You and I are alike based on how independent we are. I particularly don't like people who expect me to offer a ride when they complain about not having food or something to keep them from being bored.

10:22 PM, February 25, 2007  
Blogger ReddMann said...

I feel u on this one... definitely a trait I acquired being an only child.

11:39 AM, February 26, 2007  
Blogger That Girl said...

He sounds lazy!!!

10:45 PM, February 26, 2007  

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