My Friends Really...

...opened my eyes last weekend during out Friday night discussion session! An I actually wasn't going to post this, but after reading Kenny King's post about his friend doing it to him, I had to.

Like I said, we were having our usual Friday night discussion session and the topic somehow ended up as too why some people can't keep a man. Then it got onto why I can't keep a man. Go figure. I told my friends that it's not that I can't keep a man, it's that when I realize that a dude isn't for me, I let the situation go. I don't see a point in continuing to date a dude I can't get along with or am not compatible with.

I told them that I am what a few dudes have called a bitch. And that's when they opened my eyes. I was told that the reason I can't/won't stay with a dude is that i'm too overbearing for the kind of guy that I like. They went on to explain that the kind of guys they have seen me date are guys with a strong and confident personality just like mine. After drinking another glass of wine and thinking about it, I realized that they were right, even though I knew that already. And that's when my eyes were opened. They also pointed out that the few passive guys that I have tried to date haven't lasted past a few weeks. Now that I already knew. I don't like guys that are pushovers. Like Kenny said, "even though I had already known this-- I have to admit that it felt good for someone so close to me to take the time to call me out in a loving, concerned way".

Over the last few days, I have been reviewing the relationships and dating situations that I have had and realizing that I am rather strong-minded. I don't like to be told what to do, but can and will tell you what to do. I like to be right and will only back down when I am proven to be wrong. I speak my mind even when my opinion is not solicited. Overall, I just have a very assertive personality.

So what was I to do? They explained that I should tone down on my personality and I will be fine. I have to learn to listen instead of being the one to talk. I have to let someone else take the lead. I have to become more attentive to my reactions. So that's what I plan to do. I know it's going to take some time to adjust myself, but if it's for the betterment of myself and my relationships (familial and platonic also), then that's something that i'm willing to do. I'm hoping that I can become a better liked and more respected person.

So, thanks to my friends for opening my eyes a little wider as to what I already knew was one of my problems. Ole blunt bitches!!!

Maturity

So Beatmug and I were talking about dating and he said that he was going to stop being so demanding of the dudes that he dates. I told him that what he's doing is maturing. He asked me what my definition of maturity is and I told him:

"When you realize that there is something about you that you can change to make you a better person and you take steps to bring those changes into fruition, that's maturity"


All he could say was "WOW". I shocked myself with that because it came out of nowhere.

Cabin Pictures

I just want to say that the Blue Ridge Mountains are spectacular at all times of the day. Friday night we stayed up until 5:30am the next morning playing spades, talking shit, and drinking. It was a restful 3.5 days and I can't wait to do it again. Thanks God that it didn't rain until Monday when we were leaving.

It was nice to be with a group of 11 other Black and gay men and there not be any drama or issues. Well there was just a little, but we decided to just pretend that it didn't happen. One person decided to be petty because he didn't get a bedroom and had to sleep on a pullout sofa (That's what happens when you are the last to arrive). He waited until some of us took a nap Saturday afternoon and blasted music to wake us up. Then he took more than his allotted share of crab legs. But like I said, we decided to pretend that it didn't happen.

Here are a few pictures.

Off For Vacation

Hey kids,



I'm off for another cabin trip and this one is much needed!!! I need this vacation like I need my next breath!!

Read about the last trip here.

Because You Like Him

So my best friend, Beat Mug and I were talking about my most recent date that I had to let go. I was telling him that the dude was already calling be "baby" after 10 days of us knowing each other. I was also telling him that I hate for people to do that. You don't even know me well enough to care about me in any way and you are calling me "boo" and "baby". All you know is that you like me because I _______.

After he let me rant about how I hate the about situation, he let me have it. Do you here me? He made me think about myself and some of the situations that I have been in.

Beat Mug: You don't really like this dude.

Me: Why do you say that?

Beat Mug: If you liked him, you wouldn't mind him calling you "baby" or "boo".

Me: (after thinking for about 30 seconds) Yeah, you are right. I'm really not all that into him.

Beat Mug: I have noticed that when someone really likes someone else, he or she let's that person get away with a lot of shit that someone that they aren't really into, can't.

Me: (after thinking again for 30 seconds) You know what, you are absolutely right. You can be kinda profound everynow and then.

Beat Mug: Fuck you! I'm always profound!

Me: Except when that ass is drunk off that 151 and coke!

Beat Mug: You ain't never lied!

I sat there for a few minutes after we hung up the phone thinking about what he had said. Now as much as I hate for a new date to call me pet names or ish like that, would I had allowed it if I was as much into him as he was into me? With the affectionate names, no. I hate that ish and I always tense up when I hear it, no matter how much I like a dude.

But I thought about other things that I have let dudes get away with like this, or this, or Oh God, this. And not just him, but others. Like this one dude that I dated before I met Hollywood *I let him get away with A LOT of ish*. He was one of those "i'll call you back in a minute" kinda brothas that never did. I put up with that ish for about a month before I deleted his number. Why did I do it? It's because I liked him. I REALLY, REALLY liked him. He was attractive, stable, relationship-oriented, and had a specific Caribbean island accent that made me want to give him a book to read aloud. But even though he never did what he said he would, I put up with it. And guess what? He has been calling me lately and I have been answering. So guess what I have determined? I LIKE HIM.

So I guess Beat Mug was right. For those that we like or are really into, we will make concessions. For those that we aren't really into, they have to walk on eggshells and not crush them. If they so much as crack one of those eggshells, that ass is kicked to the curb.

I'm not even gonna ask why we do this, cause I know why. Anyone care to guess?

Cabin Trip

When I moved to Atlanta a few years ago, I really didn't have many friends that lived in the city. Most of my close friends lived in other parts of the country. But about 8 months ago, I reunited with an associate that I mad met years ago the first time that I lived in Atlanta. Since that time, I have been integrated into his group of about 10 friends that we collectively call "The Family". A little over 2 months ago, a member of the family died of malaria while on a trip to Spain. Right after that, we decided that we all needed a weekend away from the world and we decided to rent a cabin for a weekend. So this past weekend we spent time in Ellijay, GA in a nice, spacious cabin and had a wonderful time. The cabin was equipped just like any other house; kitchen, living areas, basement, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, satellite television, pool table, and jacuzzi.

After 2 months of anticipation, all 9 of us arrived around 6pm after battling traffic to get out of Atlanta with 1 rule; NO ATTITUDES. And one motto; LIVE LAUGH LOVE.

Food, drinks, and, music were all brought in for us to enjoy. We didn't make any concrete plans of what we were going to do except to have a crab boil on Friday night and a barbeque on Saturday evening. And of course we drank and drank and drank some more.

Friday night we got out the big pots and boiled some crab legs and corn on the cob. While the cooks were handling that, I was being the DJ playing music from the 70s, 80s, 90s and today. Anytime someone screamed "that's my song" they had to sing the song karaoke style. We also played some spades for a while. But once the food was done cooking, we ate until it was gone!!!!!!!!!!!! We had a movie playing for those who didn't play cards and after spades and the food, we had group discussions about being out, having children, being single vs. involved (there were 3 couples and 3 singles there), and a few other subjects until about 4am.

Saturday morning we woke up and cooked breakfast fit for royalty (mimosas included). Some of us ventured outside to take pictures and just get some real fresh air. I loved just sitting on the porch swing looking out into the woods. A few people stayed inside talking and eating some more. Most of Saturday afternoon was spent watching television and DVDs, and talking.

Saturday evening we barbequed on the patio and drank beer (Black folk style) and laughed and played cards and pool. After the barbeque we all went back inside when the bugs started biting and it got pitch black dark outside. We watched a few more DVDs and had more conversation about different subjects and we went to bed about 2am.

Sunday morning we woke up about 8am and cooked breakfast again. I think that we watched the last of the DVDs that we brought and we had to clean up to check out by 11am. Then we hit it back to the city.

To say that I enjoyed myself would be an understatment. Being in the company of friends/family and being away from problems and issues was what I needed. Before we departed, we decided that we are gonna have to do it again when it gets cold like in January February. But you can best believe that I will be renting a 4 wheel drive vehicle next time. Those gravel roads were torture on my car!!!!