Saturday, November 10, 2007

Because You Like Him

So my best friend, Beat Mug and I were talking about my most recent date that I had to let go. I was telling him that the dude was already calling be "baby" after 10 days of us knowing each other. I was also telling him that I hate for people to do that. You don't even know me well enough to care about me in any way and you are calling me "boo" and "baby". All you know is that you like me because I _______.

After he let me rant about how I hate the about situation, he let me have it. Do you here me? He made me think about myself and some of the situations that I have been in.

Beat Mug: You don't really like this dude.

Me: Why do you say that?

Beat Mug: If you liked him, you wouldn't mind him calling you "baby" or "boo".

Me: (after thinking for about 30 seconds) Yeah, you are right. I'm really not all that into him.

Beat Mug: I have noticed that when someone really likes someone else, he or she let's that person get away with a lot of shit that someone that they aren't really into, can't.

Me: (after thinking again for 30 seconds) You know what, you are absolutely right. You can be kinda profound everynow and then.

Beat Mug: Fuck you! I'm always profound!

Me: Except when that ass is drunk off that 151 and coke!

Beat Mug: You ain't never lied!

I sat there for a few minutes after we hung up the phone thinking about what he had said. Now as much as I hate for a new date to call me pet names or ish like that, would I had allowed it if I was as much into him as he was into me? With the affectionate names, no. I hate that ish and I always tense up when I hear it, no matter how much I like a dude.

But I thought about other things that I have let dudes get away with like this, or this, or Oh God, this. And not just him, but others. Like this one dude that I dated before I met Hollywood *I let him get away with A LOT of ish*. He was one of those "i'll call you back in a minute" kinda brothas that never did. I put up with that ish for about a month before I deleted his number. Why did I do it? It's because I liked him. I REALLY, REALLY liked him. He was attractive, stable, relationship-oriented, and had a specific Caribbean island accent that made me want to give him a book to read aloud. But even though he never did what he said he would, I put up with it. And guess what? He has been calling me lately and I have been answering. So guess what I have determined? I LIKE HIM.

So I guess Beat Mug was right. For those that we like or are really into, we will make concessions. For those that we aren't really into, they have to walk on eggshells and not crush them. If they so much as crack one of those eggshells, that ass is kicked to the curb.

I'm not even gonna ask why we do this, cause I know why. Anyone care to guess?

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Blogger life said...

We think about the possibilities. What could happen if we were with the person, so we take a little more than usual. HHHMMM...I think I may like someone too. oh I'm mad about that

4:09 PM, November 11, 2007  
Blogger J said...

Personally (and this applies only to me) once I learned the phenomenon that u speak of, I realized that the issue lay deep within me. Allowing someone to do MORE simply because of perceived feelings was a problem. I was allowing dudes to do the unthinkable simply because I gave them an early entry into my space.
Once I realized what I was doing I took myself so far out of the game that I couldnt see anyone but me. That allowed me to deal with what it was in me that allowed me to give someone that much leeway into my space without earning it.

I am emerging a more determined woman with an understanding that you have to EARN the right to get to that place in my life and I can promise u its not 30 days after I meet you.

Like you or not.

I decided to stop giving credit and start making men step to me with a secured card. U get what you put in it and nothing more until your credit rating with me is up to par.

But thats just my two cents on the matter :-)

7:46 PM, November 11, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

I tolerate slightly more when it's someone I like...eventually though, I cut them like weeds in the end...I hate bullshit...and I don't stick around long when I'm not content.

8:12 PM, November 11, 2007  
Anonymous Steve said...

It's because we don't fully love ourselves.

9:13 AM, November 12, 2007  
Anonymous Steve said...

It's because we don't fully love ourselves.

9:13 AM, November 12, 2007  
Blogger Darius T. Williams said...

Beat Mug?!?! But um, yea - he has a point.

9:18 AM, November 13, 2007  
Blogger E said...

So true. I even blogged about that one guy who did an emasculating behavior that I wound up being pissed about because I really didn't feel him. But this other guy I dated did a similar type emasculating act and I still was feeling him cause I was attracted to him big time. Of course the latter turned out to be an a-hole with a capital 'A'. But that doesn't always stop us from liking a person.

12:34 AM, November 14, 2007  
Blogger yet another black guy said...

so true!

8:54 PM, November 14, 2007  
Blogger *Madosi said...

it is very true. i am thinking about that now with someone that i just enjoy being around. i have not expectations of being in a relationship with him, but i do let him get away with some shyt that i would not normally let anyone get away with.

2:38 PM, November 20, 2007  

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