Sunday, January 29, 2006

Since He Reminded Me..

Since Mashaun reminded me that I hadn't posted about VP in a while, I figured that I might as well do so.

The update: There has been nothing going on with me and VP. In the last 2 weeks, we have had 3 conversations. Each lasted no more than 3 minutes. In a previous post titled Devaluation, I said that I was going to take him down a notch on my priority list. He doesn't really seem that interested in pursuing anything other than what we have, which I don't think is much. We barely talk as it is, and I haven't seen him in probably a month. He still occupies a portion of my thoughts, but I wish that he didn't. I still wish that he would just straighten up and act right, but I get the sense that he won't.

There is something about this man that makes me want him. Honestly, there are a two things that really attract me to him. One of those things is that he is the first man that I have dated in a while that is a stereotypical "man." He has no feminine characteristics like the other guys that I have dated. He also just has a confident aire about himself that I am attracted to. As I have stated before, I am not attracted to wishy-washy or passive men.

But with these two things, come some issues. With him being a sterotypical man, he doesn't like to talk about anything concerning emotions or feelings. In the 3 months that we have "dated," he has only opened up and done so once. He reminds me of my father when it comes to talking. The other issue is that confidence of his. He know that no matter what he does, I am gonna be there waiting on him for whatever he needs. For some reason, I want him to feel like he needs me.

I know that a lot of people are going to wonder why I don't just drop him and let it go. If you don't understand why, think about that person that you felt the most passion for. Think about that person that you know that you want(ed) to be a part of your life. Think about the one that YOU hold onto in your heart. And honestly, since I don't plan on dating anyone else if he and I don't work out, why dump him?

But one thing that I can say about this situation is that I have not allowed myself to fall in love or to even love this man. Not one bit. Of all of the promises that I have made to myself, this is the one that I HAVE kept. I will not fall in love or love anyone until I can feel that they feel that way about me. And they can't just say it, they have to show it.

The song that sums up my mood today is "Living in Confusion" by Phyllis Hyman.


Blogger ShawnQt said...

I have been in the same situation you have been... holding on to the thought that everything will become magically fine.

Sometimes you know, it just isn't going to work... but there is faith and hope that, he may change.

What do u have to lose right?
When you put your heart into something, u can't let go... maybe u really is love?

10:07 PM, January 29, 2006  
Blogger Soulful Real said...

I feel you man and if you let it go, or de-prioritize, and they come back, then it was real. If not then at times it IS better to let go all the way.

That's why it's important to keep doing you as you have been doing in the meantime. There are no guarantees when it comes to love.

2:40 AM, January 30, 2006  
Blogger *Madosi said...

i totally feel what you are going through man, been there. and it is easy for others to be like, LEAVE IT ALONE!

you have to determine what is best for you and what you really want ... then the rest of it will be crystal clear.

9:22 AM, January 30, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...

Remember the decision is up to you to make the change for the better or let it go for good.

2:06 PM, January 30, 2006  
Blogger E said...

I totally feel you on this. It's that old Murphy's Law. It's always the ones that you really like that wind up disappointing you. Trust me, I've been there..and recently.

Then again, they'd only disappoint if you really like them. So I need to stop liking them..:-)

Okay..I'll stop talking gibberish. Hang in there!

11:14 PM, January 30, 2006  

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