Devaluation
It's been a while since I have given the blog family an update on the situation between VP and me. To tell you the truth, nothing much has really happened other than what I reported in my So Much Shit post a short time ago. Well one thing did happen. I'll explain.
One day he called and my first words were "where have you been the last 2 days that you couldn't call me?" That led to a 30 second argument and he hung up on me and left me not bitter, but mad as hell. But then I thought about what I had said and how it could have been taken and I felt pretty stupid for it. It's not always what you say, but sometimes how you say it. So I called and apologized to his voice mail. I didn't think that he would call me back for a few days, but he called me back 10 minutes later. In that conversation, he explained to me how his last few days had gone and that he was busy as hell (which I already knew). He told me that just because he doesn't call me doesn't mean that he isn't thinking about me or that he doesn't care. This man is definitely teaching me patience.
But there is one thing that led to the title of this post. I have found myself thinking and daydreaming about what life would be like with VP as my partner/husband/lover or whatever is the accepted term these days. I have planned out where we will live, if I will work or be a stay- at-home-parent, what kind of vehicle I would drive (not minivans), what the house will look like. I imagine cooking dinner for him and the kids. I imagine having his mom come to spend a few days with us and see us a a couple. I imagine us taking vacations together (and with the kids). I imagine my entire life with this man., even what we will look like when we get up in age. Oh, what a happy life it will be.
But then I realized something. It's only been 2.5 months that we have been dating. I have been putting too much of my thoughts into something that isn't on any kind of foundation. I think that I have been putting too much value into this situation. I don't consider this situation to be a relationship yet because we haven't even discussed that yet. So at this point, I have decided to devalue the situation until I can see that he actually wants what I want. I am not going to spend my days thinking about him and the possibilities until he is doing the same about me. At this point, I should not be thinking about the future, but instead taking it day-by-day. From now on, that will be what I will do.
While thinking about this, I kinda thought that I was going backwards. But the more, I thought about it, i'm going forward. Like I have said before, I am going into this situation with a different midset and a different modus operandi. A devaluation of the situation with VP will allow me to focus more on enjoying the times that I spend with him instead of examining every situation. It will allow me to see things for what they are instead of what I want to see. It will allow me to force him to gain my trust instead of me giving it to him. It will also allow me to use my mind for other things (like finding another job that doesn't require travel).
So, that's my update on that. As I said, nothing much has happen, but I do hope that more is to come.
But I do want to tell you, maybe tomorrow, about a conversation that VP and I had. Stay tuned.
One day he called and my first words were "where have you been the last 2 days that you couldn't call me?" That led to a 30 second argument and he hung up on me and left me not bitter, but mad as hell. But then I thought about what I had said and how it could have been taken and I felt pretty stupid for it. It's not always what you say, but sometimes how you say it. So I called and apologized to his voice mail. I didn't think that he would call me back for a few days, but he called me back 10 minutes later. In that conversation, he explained to me how his last few days had gone and that he was busy as hell (which I already knew). He told me that just because he doesn't call me doesn't mean that he isn't thinking about me or that he doesn't care. This man is definitely teaching me patience.
But there is one thing that led to the title of this post. I have found myself thinking and daydreaming about what life would be like with VP as my partner/husband/lover or whatever is the accepted term these days. I have planned out where we will live, if I will work or be a stay- at-home-parent, what kind of vehicle I would drive (not minivans), what the house will look like. I imagine cooking dinner for him and the kids. I imagine having his mom come to spend a few days with us and see us a a couple. I imagine us taking vacations together (and with the kids). I imagine my entire life with this man., even what we will look like when we get up in age. Oh, what a happy life it will be.
But then I realized something. It's only been 2.5 months that we have been dating. I have been putting too much of my thoughts into something that isn't on any kind of foundation. I think that I have been putting too much value into this situation. I don't consider this situation to be a relationship yet because we haven't even discussed that yet. So at this point, I have decided to devalue the situation until I can see that he actually wants what I want. I am not going to spend my days thinking about him and the possibilities until he is doing the same about me. At this point, I should not be thinking about the future, but instead taking it day-by-day. From now on, that will be what I will do.
While thinking about this, I kinda thought that I was going backwards. But the more, I thought about it, i'm going forward. Like I have said before, I am going into this situation with a different midset and a different modus operandi. A devaluation of the situation with VP will allow me to focus more on enjoying the times that I spend with him instead of examining every situation. It will allow me to see things for what they are instead of what I want to see. It will allow me to force him to gain my trust instead of me giving it to him. It will also allow me to use my mind for other things (like finding another job that doesn't require travel).
So, that's my update on that. As I said, nothing much has happen, but I do hope that more is to come.
But I do want to tell you, maybe tomorrow, about a conversation that VP and I had. Stay tuned.
posted by That Dude Right There at
1/09/2006 09:35:00 AM
10 Comments:
Nosey folk don't like cliffhangers! LOL
For what it's worth I think taking it day bay day is the best way to go about your relationship with VP. Or any relationship for that matter. Good for you...
P.S. there's nothing wrong about daydreaming about the future
Omigod! You're a lesbian!
There may be some promise with what you have with VP it really doesn't matter how long you guys have dated. Obviously there is some concern if he called you back right after your voicemail. Sounds like you're on the right track as well by taking it day by day and having him earn your trust.
Honestly there really is no excuse for not calling for 2 or 3 days non. That is something that would piss me off too but I would just write it off. But then's that me and I can be a little cold when my emotions are harmed.
I feel you on this one. Just take your time and enjoy the moment.
I WAS BASICALLY GONNA SAY EVRYTHING THAT YOU SAID IN YOUR FOURTH PARAGRAPH...SO, UM GOOD oK
i am glad you spoke of new mindsets ... that is actually what my next post is going to be about ... good ish man .. proud of you
good luck with that relationship...I hope you two work it out...part of that post reminds me of this book I am reading now.
When u take things day by day, you allow yourself to enjoy each day. You gotta live in the present moment, because that's what it is, a present given to you to enjoy. But the future is also fun to ponder about - you can still have your dreams, but don't invest in them, because the future is never certain. Good luck man.
Reg.
Bernie, it's funny that I just got your joke. I'm loading up my
U-haul truck now!
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