Saturday, November 10, 2007

Where You Put The "I"

Normally when I get a forwarded email, I just read it and delete it. But this one is good enough to share.

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.


An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.' Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life', you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation , control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each oth er's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain r eplace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "I".

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13 Comments:

Blogger Corey Keith said...

I needed to read this blog. Thanks so much!

10:52 PM, November 12, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

Thanks for sharing this...it's so funny because I was just entertaining some questions that this addresses. Guess, as we've mentioned before, our own blogger family usually has the answers churning around.

11:58 PM, November 12, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

"Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure."

This is so true in relationships. Too often guys lead these separate lives. Some gay relationships really don't exist outside of the bedroom. I don't mean in a sexual sense. Just that affection never seems to take place in public. I don't mean I want to see PDAs in public, but too often we don't make our mates apart of our lives. I don't even know if that makes sense.

12:50 PM, November 13, 2007  
Blogger E said...

I'm so sending this to Rock...:-) Thanks for sharing it.

10:06 PM, November 13, 2007  
Blogger yet another black guy said...

alright, ALRIGHT!

12:28 AM, November 14, 2007  
Blogger Cash S. said...

*Printing this out*

2:11 PM, November 14, 2007  
Blogger Kensilo said...

This is good. I will share this with Mybaby.

7:38 PM, November 14, 2007  
Blogger antneya said...

I agree with Mr. Jones actually

10:04 AM, November 15, 2007  
Blogger Kyon Saucier said...

This was a lovely post mo zami thank you for it....

2:27 PM, November 15, 2007  
Blogger bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Wow this post really hit home for me! It was right on time too. Imma share this with Lil Dred. Great post yo.

~Damnit!

2:32 PM, November 15, 2007  
Blogger J said...

Things that make you go hmmmmm.

3:39 PM, November 16, 2007  
Blogger WhozHe said...

Now that's worth passing on.

6:44 PM, November 17, 2007  
Blogger i am. said...

damn right!

i share very similar thoughts with clients.
way to go.

12:43 AM, November 18, 2007  

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