I Am Changing

How often have you heard someone say that they want someone to accept them as they are in a relationship? Quite often I can imagine. But have you ever thought that notion to be impossible? Can you really expect someone to accept you and put up with you as you are and with the personality that you have?

I use to think that I wouldn't change anything about me for anyone, but now I know that isn't fair or is it possible. I know that I am a hard person to get along with because I am so rigid and exact. I can be controlling and bossy. I can be bitchy and irritable. Is it fair for me to expect someone to fit into my mold of what I want if I am not willing to do the same for him?

I now know that in order for me to have a successful relationship, I will have to adjust myself to the fit with the person that I want to have a life with. I can't be in a relationship and always have things my way. I am sure that there are traits about me that I can't change, but if changing some of those traits can help me to have a successful relationship, then I am willing to do that.

If I Ever Get Fired!

Relationship Questions and Opinions

Once again another one of my friends has broken up with the guy that he had been seeing. Even though it's not me, i'm just a little frustrated. It seems that Black gay men just can't seem to stay together when involved in a relationship. What the hell is the problem? When people think of the longevity of couples, they usually think about how many couples they know. I did the same thing. I WAS in a relationship for 3 years. Another friend WAS in a relationshop for 5 years. Yet another friend has been and still IS in a relationship for 5 years.

Why are there not more Black gay couples? Could it be that we don't want to be committed. Could it be that we have sex too soon? Could it be that we don't really get to know each other? Could it be that we just don't know how?

I must first ask the question of who wants to be in a relationship? Most brothers that I come in contact with seem to be in the mindset that they don't want to be committed. I have heard brothas say that they just want to date. They don't want to get heavily invovled because it's too difficult or that they can't find someone to connect with.

I must then ask the question of why a relationship is important to people? The one example that we have always seen, straight or gay, is that a person should be involved with someone. Relationships are important because they keep people stable. Most people will wait until they are in a relationship before doing something such as buying a house, having children, or going back to school. The sooner we can get involved with someone and become stable, the sooner we can "begin life".

I must then ask the question of do we know what a relationship is? No one can say exactly what a relationship is. If you ask 10 people what a relationship is, you will get 10 different answers. People define relationships in their own terms.

I must then ask the question of can we actually commit to one person? From what I have seen, people seem to think that there is always something better out there. Someone with more money, a better body, more intelligence, better conversation, taller, weighs less, has a bigger ass. We think that by committing to one person, we are giving up all of the other dudes out there. I wonder why we can't concentrate on the person that we are with.

I must then ask the question of how important sex is in a relationship? In my opinion, it's very important. But I don't know how important to others. I have heard tales of people breaking up with someone because the sex wasn't great. And on the flip side, I have heard of people not breaking up because the sex was too good. And yet again, I have heard of people breaking up because one partner didn't want to have sex.

I have plenty of other questions, but after all of these and the corresponding opinions, I believe that we just simply don't know how to sustain relationships. It's that plain and simple.

What's your opinion?

Metrosexual? Not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are some of the items that I use for personal grooming as of 29 years of age. I was brushing my teeth the other day and thought about the fact that my daily regime takes about 30 minutes, and that doesn't include a shower.


The product are:

Face: Sensitive Skin astringent, cleansing pads, shave cream, razor, Bump Patrol, Aveda facial soap, salicylic acid moisturizer.

Teeth: Listerine, electric tooth brushes (both spinning and sonic), floss, Listerine, Arm and Hammer toothpaste.

Body: Baby powder, deodorant, Armani City Glam cologne, Q-tips, contact Lens solution, contact lens case, multi-vitamins, headache medicine and blood pressure medicine.

Hair: Pink Oil Mousturzer, 2 hair brushes (my hair is really bad), do-rag, shampoo and conditioner.

When I was in college, I could be showered, shaved, groomed and dressed in 15 minutes. Now this process takes about an hour. What the hell has happened that I am so concerned with personal grooming. I'll tell you.

Acne-Every since my first week of college, I have dealt with this shit. It's horrible and hard to treat. I have tried everything from Differin gel, to ProActiv, to tetracyclene and nothing worked. For the last year, I have used the products mentioned above and it's really helped.

Teeth-Using the tetracyclene turned my teeth yellow as the brick road. The dermatologist never warned me about this side effect before prescribing it to me. If she had, I never would have taken it. My dentist says that I will have to continue to brush my teeth 3 times a day and use whitening products to get them back white.

Hair-I have always had bad hair. I have again tried every product known to man. I actually resorted to cutting it so low that it appeared that I was bald. Now, I just use a moisturizer, brush for at least 2 minutes, and wrap it with a do-rag. It's helping.

Body- I sweat with the slightest rise in temperature, when I eat hot or spicy food, or when I get nervous. I use baby powder at least twice a day. Deodorant is essential for everyday. And I must have my headache medicine.

I guess somewhere down the line I started to realize that it takes more than just a shower and a shave to get ready in the morning. I don't think this makes me a metrosexual. Does it?

Why? 6/9/07

1. Why am I happy that Paris Hilton's stupid, spoiled, privileged, horny, trifiling ass is back in jail? I'm happy because she already got a slap on the rist for DUI and violating probation when she should have gotten jail time in the first place.


2. Why am I falling in love with Hollywood? I'm falling in love because I can see that he actually cares for me. It's that simple.


3. Why do I believe that Atlanta has some of the dumbest drivers in the country. I believe that because it took me 1.5 hours to get to the airport today. Traffic was backed up from the Grady Curve to the Lenox exit on Hwy 400. I thought that maybe there was an accident or something. Nope, these dumb asses just can't drive. Once I got passed the Grady Curve, I was hitting 90 mph to the airport.


4. Why am I considering suing my ex-roommate? I am considering it because he owes me $338. What is that for? It's for his portion of the gas bill that he hadn't given me any money for in 3 months and also for pro-rated rent that he didn't pay. He was supposed to move out on the 31st of May. I had to stay 7 extra days because I was out of town. He didn't completely move out until the 6th. I had paid $258.99 in pro-rated rent and the water bill. That fucka owes me half of that, plus money for the gas bill. I hadn't even thought about suing him, but he got an attitude when I asked him about my money. What's Judge Judys' number?


5. Why is it that when you start seeing someone you really like, other dudes seem to flirt with you more often and they just seem to be more attractive? It's because you are seeing what else is out there besides what you have? There is always greener grass on the other side of the fence. But thankfully, my grass is green enough for me.


6. Why did I have to stop myself from cursing out a ticket agent at the airport. She charged me $100 for what she said was an oversized bag. I have had this bag for a year and use it for 3 out 5 of my trips and have never been charged for this bag. I started to curse her out for being so damn rude, but I just paid the charge and left the desk. I am calling the airline in the morning and contesting the charge. If they don't reverse it, I will call American Express and dispute it.


7. Why am I just buying a pair of "expensive jeans"? I don't know why. Last Saturday I needed something to wear to a party and something led me into Bloomingdales *where I have never shopped* and I saw the most spectacular pair of Buffalo jeans. *I wanted some True Religion, but everyone has them* And then I tried them on. And then I looked at the $118 price tag. And then I gasped. And then I said "fuck it" and bought them. Then I wore them to the party. Then I got compliments on how they fit. Then I decided that I will get another pair when I get back to Atlanta.

8. Why do people ask dumb ass questions? Because they are stupid. A lady in the airport asked a gate agent the following question: "Since California is 3 hours behind us, do we go back in time when we fly there"? It was so funny, I laughed out loud and a few others joined in.

9. Why do I think that I CAN live without cable and internet? Because I can. I have not had cable for the last 2 weeks and have been just fine without it. And when I moved to my new apartment, I was able to pick up a wireless signal from someone. As long as I can get the milk for free, why buy the cow? Let's see, that saves me about $120 a month.

10. Why am I so excited to live alone again? I am excited because I can do whatever the hell I want to when I want to and how I want to and not worry how it will affect a roommate. I can buy food and it will be there when I get home. I know that the bills will be paid because I pay them. I can walk around the house butt-ass naked if I want to. I can scream as loud as my lungs will allow during sex. I can leave my bedroom door open while I sleep. I can do it all because I live by myself.

My Poor Baby

What did I do to my baby? I backed into a decorative boulder in my complex. That's what I did. I was backing out of my parking space and I went a little too far back. I heard a loud "crunch" sound. All I could do was put my head on the steering wheel and breath. I really thought that I had messed up the back of my car. Thankfully, this is all the damage that was done. But now, i'm afraid of how much this is going to cost me to fix.

My Dating Situation

It's been 2 months that Hollywood and I have been seeing each other. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed MOST of the times that we have spent together. I say most because we have had some issues. But what dating situation doesn't. The good thing is that we have worked through each of those issues (arguments) within hours of them occurring. I take that as a good sign.



The one thing that I notice about him is that he cares about me. I can see it more than I can feel it. For me to feel cared for by a man, takes time. But the fact that I can see it tells me that good things are in store. And on the same note, I care for him also. I can't say for sure if love is in the picture yet, but I can feel that it's somewhere in the vicinity.



The one thing that I have made an effort to do in this situation is to watch what I say. Anyone who knows me knows that I say what's on my mind. Most of those times, I don't think about what I say or how I say it will affect another person. But now, I think about things before I say them. I can't say that I do that all of the time, but at least I try.



The one thing that I can see is an issue for us is that we both have assertive personalities. We are also independent souls. For example, on Saturday we decided to go to the mall *I finally decided that I was worth a pair of $120 Buffalo Jeans*. When we pulled into the parking lot, he pointed out a parking space that was wayyyyy in the back of the lot. My reply was "I've got this". He took this as a slight against his ego for some reason. I didn't think anything of it, but he thought that it was an issue. He feels the need to always suggest things to me. If I don't follow his suggestion, he gets upset. Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I don't like to be told what to do or how to do it. I feel that I am independent enough to do things without input from others. And there lies the problem with us. He likes to tell people what to do and I don't like to be told what to do.

How have we solved this problem? We agreed that he would let me do things that I can do by myself (such as drive) and I would be accepting of his ideas (such as how dark to get the tint on my windows). I have also explained to him that things take time and we can't expect change the next day after something is discussed.

This is one of the most signifcant reasons that I like Hollywood. Even though we have our problems and argue, but we at least talk about things after each incident. This is one of the traits that I have been looking for in a man. And I can say that I am quite content at that moment.