Question Time

I don't know how many of you are interested, but here is your chance to ask me ANY question that you want to ask about me, myself, and I. And please remember that I will answer every question that is asked, even if you get a Bill Clintonesque answer.

You have until Tuesday to get your questions in!

Holla back at me!

Tied Up and Binded

Last while reading Anthony's blog, I noticed that he would be in Atlanta for the Spaghetti Junction Urban Film festival (there is also a picture of Anthony on this site). Click here to find out what Spaghetti Junction is to us Atlantans. I had never been to a film festival, and since he is a fellow blogger I figured that I would have to attend. So, I left a comment on Anthony's blog telling him that he could be sure that I was there.

For some reason, his movie The Ties That Bind was being shown at 10am on last Thursday morning. I happened to be off and at home that day, so it wasn''t a problem for me to attend. But I really think that they could have given him a better time slot in the evening. There weren't many people there, but I am sure that the ones that were there enjoyed it.

I must tell you that the movie was excellent. Normally when people think of an independent or limited budget film, they think negatively about it. But that was not the case here. I throroughly enjoyed the film from beginning to end. The story line was excellent and the plot was realistic with no dull moments. But what really had me going was that EVERY actor fit the character that he or she portrayed. I must commend Anthony on the casting of the movie. My favorite character was Debra. You could easily tell that this woman was an actress with some experience.

Now, there were technical issues with the sound, but everything else was on point. The sets were very realistic and I later found out the secrets from Anthony about how the sets were designed and set up. What made me appreciate this movie more was the conversation that I had with Anthony later about how much work that it took to make the movie. A brotha like me doesn't even think that I could do something like this. So I hae to give Anthony his props on even doing a movie.

And lastly, the movie comes out on DVD on May 9th. Check out Anthony's blog for detail on ordering.

The Shop

If you haven't seen MTV's, The Shop , then you truly are missing a good show. Thanks to cable DVR, I have been able to watch every episode. If you don't know what the show is about, then I will give you a little background. It's a show about what goes on in the a barber shop in Jamaica, Queens. During the course of the show, the barbers and customers talk about all subjects under the sun. They crack jokes, cut hair, and do all of the other barber shop antics. I swear that I am usually laughing during the whole show. But this post isn't all about the show even though I love it. I got to ask the fella why barbers do the shit that they do to turn you the fuck on. And you all know what I am talking about.

I had to get a new barber when the one that I had moved to another city. The one that I found is sexy like a muthafucka. I mean the brotha is good-looking, nice smile, deep voice, nice ass, and all the rest. As they say, the brotha's got it going on. So naturally, I am attracted to the brotha. But when he cuts my hair, he has me on edge and horny as hell.

This Saturday while cutting my hair, he did that thing that all barbers do. He put his dick on me. Barbers do this when cutting your hair and I have always wondered why? Do they not know that they have their dick on your arm, leg, hand. So I guess that brothas are pretty much use to this happening. What the hell do straight guys think when this happens to them? But anyway, usually when this happens, it doesn't phase me anymore. That is until this new barber. For some reason when his dick hit my knee, my leg started shaking and I COULD NOT get it to stop. Can you imagine my knee shaking against this man's dick? I was sure that he was gonna jump or something. But can you believe that he didn't move? He actually shifted and pressed in a little more. By this time, I was about to have a nervous breakdown. My leg would not stop shaking against his dick. Finally, he finished my lineup and he moved to finish the back of my neck. But, instead of turning me away from the mirror like most barbers, he turned me toward the mirror. I guess so that I could look at him. LOL.

I swear, when I left the shop, I felt like I had just finished having sex with that man. I didn't have an orgasm, but I had that feeling that you have AFTER you do have one. Believe me, I can't wait until next Saturday.

Anybody else ever have an experience like this?

"The Lifestyle"

If you want to see me cringe, mention the words "gay" and "lifestyle" together. I absolutely detest that word combination. Somebody please tell me what the hell is a "gay lifestyle" because a gay brotha like me has no idea.

A sedentary lifestyle may mean that you are lazy as hell.

An wealthy lifestyle may mean that you can afford whatever you want.

A retired lifestyle may mean that you do not work and you live in Florida.

(I paraphrased the definitions)

A gay lifestyle means...

People of all sexual orientations use the word combination "gay lifestyle" when they are referring to how gay people live their lives. What I think that they mean is that gay people live a life full of clubs, bars, sex, drugs, and more sex. I don't live that way, but I am gay. Who got this whole thing started?

I admit that I party and I have sex, but I don't do the drugs. Do I live a partial gay lifestyle? And if there is a gay lifestyle, are there determined lifestyles for straight and bisexual people also? The answer is HELL NO! And there isn't one for gay people either. You cannot lump all of us into one group and say that this is how we all live. There are gay people who live lives with a partner and kids and a house and 2 jobs and a dog. What kind of lifestyle are they living? Then there are the gay people who live to party and do drugs and have sex? Can you say that both of these are examples of a "gay lifestyle?"

All I am trying to say if I have not said it clearly is that being gay is not a lifestyle, it's a part of your life. Your sexuality does not determine your lifestyle. It also does not determine your life. You make your life what you want it to be and that determines your lifestyle. And no two peoples lives are the same.

What are you all opinions?

I'm Gay!

I'm Gay! I know that a lot of you are thinking, "well no shit Sherlock." But you have to realize what this means to me. This is one of those rambling post, so it may not flow.

Back in 1998 when I was still in college, I was sitting in my dorm room and had what Oprah calls and "Ahh" moment. I was watching television and it just kept running through my mind that "i'm gay, i'm gay, i'm gay." I don't know where this thought came from, but it made me realize some things about my life.

I realized that I had pretty much been lying to people (and myself) about my life and therefore giving them control over it. If someone were to ask me if I was gay before that day, I would have lied and said "no". I never could have imagined actually telling someone that I was a homosexual. Never. I had always known that I was attracted to men and had also been having sex for many a year by then. I never tried to actually do anything to hide the fact like have a girlfriend or anything, but to actually verbalize the words "i'm gay" to someone, it just couldn't happen.

But after the day that I realized that I was gay through and through. I then told myself that I would not lie about it or deny it or hide it. I now live be a "dont' advertise, don't deny" policy. I don't go about waving my sexuality like a flag, but I damn sure am not going to lie about it when asked about it.

I have also realized that my life will not be that much different from that of my heterosexual counterparts. I may not have a wife and 2.5 kids, but what I will have is a husband and 2.5 kids. We will have love and a home and family weekends and go to Grandma's for Christmas and Thanksgiving just like any other family.

I don't think that this post clearly describes what I felt that day back in 1998, but it was a feeling like no other. It was like a moment of clarity. It was like something (maybe God) was telling me to accept myself for myself. And that is exactly what I have and will continue to do.

What Do You Think?

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Hundreds of gay and lesbian parents hoping to take their families to the annual White House Easter Egg Roll plan to start lining up Friday evening to make sure they get tickets for the Monday event.

Thousands of tickets -- an estimated 16,000 last year -- are given away on a first-come-first-come basis beginning at 7:30 a.m. Saturday.

National Park Service officials said Wednesday that children of all ages may attend as long as there is at least one child 7 years old or younger, and no more than two adults per group.
First lady Laura Bush's office issued a statement saying all families are welcome to attend.

"I don't think this is a protest," said Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of the Family Pride Coalition. "Showing up, participating fully in an American tradition, showing Americans that we do exist, that in our minds isn't a protest."

Some say the gay and lesbian parents are playing politics.

"I think it's inappropriate to use a children's event to make a political statement," said Mark D. Tooley, of the Institute on Religion and Democracy.

The gay and lesbian parents say they won't carry signs or chant slogans, but will wear rainbow-colored leis as a unifying symbol.

"The message is that gay and lesbian families are everywhere in this country," said Chrisler.

"We care about the same things that all parents care about: providing our children with every opportunity and every experience possible."

The egg roll has been a Washington tradition since the mid-19th century. Children use spoons to push colored eggs through the grass in a race. Past events have included petting zoos and White House staff members in bunny costumes.

The president sometimes makes a brief appearance, and the first lady often reads a story. The White House has not announced plans for this year.

What do you think about the parents making a statement by attending the Easter Egg Roll and making themselves identifiable with the leis around their neck?

My opinion: I think that parents of gay children should attend, but I think that wearing the leis is not needed. What would really piss off some conservatives is if they acted like straight people and held hands and kissed in public.

Cater 2 U

Cater 2 U

Destiny's Child 2004



When I first heard this song last year, all I could think was, "I ain't about to cater to no man!" But after my experiences of the last 12 months, I realize that that truly is what I want to do. I want to be the one that my dude can depend on to get things done for him. I want him to know that I am gonna take care of him. So I have decided that the next man that makes me feel like this:

Baby I see you working hard
Wanna let you know I'm proud
Let ya know that I admire what you do
Don't know if I need to reassure you
My life would be purposeless without you

If I want it (got it) when I ask you (you provide it)
You inspire me to be better
You challenge me for the better
Sit back and let me pour out my love letter

is gonna be catered to to the fullest.

Mistrust

So, I was reading this post over at Cash's blog and it got me to thinking about something.

I can't remember if I have mentioned it or not, but I am getting a roommate at the middle to end of May. I will from now on call him Zulu. I have known Zulu for about 2 years now and he is a great guy. I actually use to have a crush on him a while back and if you could see him, you would know why. But I got over that quickly after a few conversations with him. He can be quite blonde at times. Anyway, he pays his bills on time and he keeps his present apartment clean. That's enough for me.

We were watching an episode of some show where some girl slept with her friend's boyfriend. He asked me if I would ever leave my boyfriend alone with one of my friends. To this I replied "yes, why not?" He looked shocked and amazed at my answer and told me that he would never, under any circumstance leave any of his friends alone with his boyfriend. I asked him, "so when we move in together and you need to run to the store, you would take your boyfriend with you?" He replied in the affirmative. "Even if he was asleep you would awaken him?" Once again, he replied in the affirmative.

Now, I didn't take this personally because he said that it would be the same for any of his friends. The question that I never had a chance to ask him was if it was because he has a lack of trust in his friends or that he has a lack of trust in his boyfriend. My stance is that ANYONE that you can't trust needs to be out of your life. Although my mother had a saying that "you don't trust friends with men or money," I don't follow this it. I could lend a friend money as well as leave him/her with my boyfriend/partner/SO/lover. I don't deal with people that I can't trust.

The last thing that I worry about a boyrfriend doing is cheating. Which means that I don't even think about my boyfriend cheating with a friend. But if it did happen, you can believe that I would be upset and would probably go postal (yet another reason that I haven't gotten a gun). I have always believed that if 2 people are gonna cheat, they will make a way to do it. But I don't think that leaving my boyfriend with a friend is giving them opportunity. So, unlike Zulu, i'm not gonna worry about this issue.

What do you all have to say about this subject? Have any of you had any experiences in this area?

Random Thoughts

Here are some random thoughts that are going on in my mind right now.

Why is it that when you put in your notice to leave a job, you can't stop thinking about how you hate it? Here I am in Regina, Saskatchewan. I am bored to death because I have no idea what to do. I really don't want to go anywhere because I am sick of white people staring at me like they have never seen a black person. I run into this all of the time because of the places I have to go. This is just one of the reasons that I hate this job. Twelve more days and I move back to my old job.

I'm moving into an apartment with one of my friends when my lease is up. This will save me about $500 a month. The more I think about it, I realize that I am wasting money living by myself because I am never at home. This way I can share expenses. Now what to do with that extra money?

It's been a week since Beatmug and I have spoken to each other. I honestly don't feel like I am missing anything. I feel like a heaviness has been lifted. I sent that hoe an email explaining why I was so upset. Do you think that bitch ass muthafucka responded. Nope! If I never speak to him again, I would be just fine with that.

I have been fighting the urge to contact VP for the last week. I have started 3 emails and have cancelled each one of them. Each time I get ready to send it or to call him, reality slaps me in the back of the head and I cancel the email or put the phone down.

I did go on a date a few weeks ago and the dude was cool, but I think that I was just trying to get my mind off of that other person. I have been talking to the dude, but I don't see anything happening. I ain't trying to give myself away again.

I am going to stop drinking and there are several reasons. One of those reasons is that I can't seem to lose this last bit of flab around my stomach. Another reason is that I spend too much damn money when I go out (which I am gonna also cut down on).

I would love to stop having sex, but I know that I can't. I love sex like I love myself, but I have had a little too much in the last 12 months. It's been my most active year ever. It's time for my tetra-annual HIV test, and this time I am anxious. I have never felt like that before I took a test. No wonder I haven't had an interest in sex or even masterbation lately.

I have been having the craziest dreams lately. Last night, I dreamt that I was having dinner with the Supreme Court Justices at a cheap buffet. The night before, I had a dream that VP and I got into an argument and he told me that I was just like his "baby momma." Another dream involved me marching in a parade that ran through a mall. Maybe it's the blood pressure medication.


Well that's enough for today. I think that it's nap time.

Damn Question

If you were to be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?
I would have sex with a man just to see how different it feels.

If you had to name the most difficult thing about being a teenager today, what would you say?
Understanding your parents motives in everything!

If you had to name the most embarrassing moment of your life, when was it?
My brakes went out one day while I was leaving my high school and I hit a tree. That was laughed about for days and weeks.

If you had to name the most overrated actor in Hollywood, who would it be?

Tom Cruise for sure

If you had to name the one personality trait that you have tried the hardest to change in yourself, what would you say?
I would have more tact when I say things. Right now, whatever i'm thinking, I usually will say.

If you could go back for one minute to the Garden of Eden and give Adam advice, what would you say?
None. That man wanted some punnanny. Nothing could be said to lead him away from that woman.

If you were to name the best “I told you so” you ever got to deliver, what was it?

Don't know.

If you were Madonna, what would you do for your next publicity stunt?
Retire

If you could have a lifetime 50 percent discount in any single store at your local mall, which store would it be in?
Gap or Banana Republic. I know that Targets are not in malls, but can I substitute.

If you could have one more pet, what kind would you get, and what would you name it?
A cat named CAT.

If you could have God perform one miracle today, what would you want it to be?
Get rid of HIV/AIDS

If you could spend next New Year’s Eve doing anything, what would you do, and with whom?
Next year I would just sleep by/with myself

If you were to set your country’s immigration policy, what would it be?
I would just enforce the policies that we have now.

If you were given the power to settle the issue of gays in the military, what policy would you set?
I would get rid of this policy all together. What the hell good does it do?

If you could have one person you have lost touch with call you up tonight and invite you to dinner, who would you want it to be?
No one comes to mind.

If you could change on thing about your love life, what would it be?
I would have one.

If you could have prevented one book from ever having been written, which book would it be?
The Bible

If you have to name the best music album ever recorded, which would you select?
The Essential Luther Vandross album.

If you could have one thing made out of pure gold, what would you choose?
A .38 special. And the bullets also.

If God were to whisper one thing in your ear, what would you like Him to say?
"You cool with me fella. I don't care what anyone else says."

The Other Side

Since I am still trying to get that damn man out of my mind and heart, I don't think that I am gonna be dating anyone anytime soon.

But I do know that I will be dating sometime in the future. But what's been on my mind is that I think that when I do start again, I will probably open myself up to dating someone who is not of my own race. In my 28 years of life, this has never happened because I didn't want it to. I only wanted to date, have relationships with, fuck, be with Black men. It's not that I am prejudice (maybe I am), but it seems that I am only interested in Black men. But lately, I have been thinking that I should broaden my horizons and see what the others have to offer.

When I say that I will open myself to dating outside my race, it DOES NOT mean that I am giving up on Black men. Yes, I have had bad experiences, but I would never "give up" on black men. I think that the reason that I have never dated a person of another race is that I know that I want to spend my life with another Black man. So it seems kind of pointless to date a non-black person. I can't imagine being close to person who doesn't share my culture, traditions, and way of life.

But I also know that I don't want to be like one of those Black men who feels like they have to have a non-black person on their arm to feel complete or better than everyone else. And please don't deny that those people exist. I absolutely hate black men who refuse to date other black men. And I also hate those white men who only "date" black men. If I dated a dude of another race, I would always be wondering if he only wants me because I am Black.

You know what? I change my mind. I'm gonna stick to my Black brothas. I don't see a point in trying something else when I know what I really want. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Right?

Life's Issues

I've had a few issues in the past few weeks that have just made me feel like slapping the hell out of somebody just to make myself feel better. I have had issues with Dating/Relationships, My Job, My Best Friend, and My Health.

Dating/Relationships:

As many of you may have guessed, I am/was still seeing VP. I just couldn't get him out of my mind. And on top of that, he told me that he didn't want to end our situation and that he really did love me. Which I believed. After about 2 weeks of calls and seeing each other, he reverted back to his old unreliable self. Yesterday he was deleted from my phone. Now I just need to delete him from my heart and mind.

My Job:

In February, I wrote that my old boss called me about coming back to my old job. I declined because the offered me 4 grand less per year than I asked for. Well, last Friday on my present job, I didn't get a paycheck. Why? Because I didn't work any days in that pay period. This has happened twice so far this year. And it happened 3 times last summer. Now what I want you all to do is imagine missing a paycheck and having to take your last $1000 out of your saving account to cover bills. I started thinking about the fact that since I have been with the job, I have not been able to save any money.
Well, it doesn't matter anymore because I am going back to my old company with a yearly salary. They upped their offer by $2000 in order to get me back. Honestly, the first offer would have been fine, but I now I am glad that I held out. One thing that I have learned from this experience is to be careful not to burn bridges.

My Best Friend:

Beatmug and I are not speaking right now. He really pissed me off on Friday night. Really and Truly pissed me off! Last week, he said that he was coming to Atlanta to visit me, to which he arrived on Friday evening. Each time that he comes to Atlanta, Goofy is always sure to show up also right behind him. They come to Atlanta and stay at my house so much that I gave them keys. There have even been times that they have been there when I was not in town. That's all fine and dandy. As long as they keep my house clean because they know that I will snap if ANYTHING is out of place.

Now to why I am not speaking to Beatmug. Friday night, me him and Goofy went to Tower II, a gay club in Atlanta, GA. We were standing around chillin, talking, and drinking. Goofy points out some cute dude that "standing next to his fat friend." I then said "that could be me since I am cute and Beatmug is the fat friend." Apparently Beatmug got upset and screams "I could talk about your bad ass skin, but I won't." I asked him what the fuck was his muthafucking problem. At that moment, I was baffled because we always call each other fat or skinny or stupid or a whole bunch of other shit. It's all in fun. Any other time I would call him fat, he would say " the only fat part of my is my ass." But this time he got upset and snapped at me. But I let it go.

Later on during the night, I kept noticing that they were having conversations to which I was not privy to. All of a sudden they started laughing really loudly about something. I asked, "what's so funny? I didn't hear a joke." To which Goofy screams (in front of everybody) "because you were not apart of the conversation!" I looked at Beatmug, and he had a look of agreement on his face. I was embarrassed and ready to go! The only problem was that I didn't drive as I usually do so had to wait on Beatmug to be ready to go ( I should have taken a cab).

By the time, we were leaving, my allergies started acting up again. I started sneezing and got the worst sinus headache. I really needed to go home and take my medicine. I let Beatmug know this, but do you think that took me home? No! He drove to another club so that he and Goofy could stand outside and mingle in the crowd. I was so mad that I didn't get out of the car. I just sat in the car holding my head. After 45 minutes of them hoeing, we finally left.

When I got home, I didn't say shit to the bitches. I just went to my room and slammed the door. I started thinking about all the times that we have gone out together. It never occured to me that they always have their own conversations. It also never occured to me that each time they go out to eat or to a party or to the mall or anywhere, I am not a part of the planning. It's always, "do you want to go with US?" Then I thought about the fact that since I moved back to Atlanta last June, they have visited ATLANTA, not me, at least 18 times that I can count. The bitches are there AT LEAST twice a month. I thought about the fact that before I moved back to Atlanta they were always staying with another friend until he got tired of them. But there is nothing else to think about because I took my keys back from the hoes! I will not be used as a free hotel anymore.

And after thinking about the my friendship with Beatmug, I don't know if I truly want it to continue. I have to think some more about that.

My Health:

Me+Pollen=Allergy problems and headaches. When I got off of the plane from Canada on last Tuesday and got to my car I knew that I would have a problem. It was covered in pollen. If I could stop breathing during the spring, I would. I had a headached before I even got home. I went to the doctor on Thursday and was prescribed Flonase.

I have also been diagnosed (again) with hypertension. My average blood pressure is 161/88. The other day when I took a measurement, it was 170/102. For this, I was prescribed Zestril. Let's just hope that it works. I do not want to have a stroke.

For about 6 years, I have been having panic attacks on and off. There was a period right before I was about to graduate from college where I was having at least 2 per week. I hadn't had one in about 2 years until 2 weeks ago when I was on an airplane. And that is the last place that you want to have a panic attack. For this I was prescribed Xanax. So, now I feel like Karen Walker from Will and Grace with all of these medicines. All I need is a fat husband, lots of money, and some vodka.

So that's been my life for the past few weeks. So now, you all can rest easy that I am alive and well. Expect more post soon.

I'm Still Breathing

I guess you all have realized that I have not done a real post in about 3 weeks. Part of that the reason why I have been lacking is that I was in Canada with no internet access what-so-ever. Another part of it is what has been going on in my personal life. I don't really have time to post about it now, but maybe tonight or tomorrow night I will be able to do so. And it's a lot to write.

Holla babk later!