Random 2/26/07

1. I like me. I'm not perfect, but I still love me. I was just walking around the house the other day when those thoughts popped into my head. I have really grown to like and accept myself for what and who I am. I guess that's why I can tell people who criticize me to fuck off without a thought.


2. I had to get someone together the other night. Here's the situation: I was at Waffle House with the dude that I am trying to get to know as a friend I'll call him 13th. He brought one of his friends along with us. The friend was what I call a "fake top". He likes to be penetrated, but doesn't want anyone to know. You know those brothas that are always talking badly about people who get penetrated, but are doing it on the regular. Well the brotha kept making comments about "Damn Bottoms" this and "Nasty Bottoms" that. It was really irritating, so I asked him, "who would you fuck if there were no bottoms?" Of course he didn't have an answer. I also told him that he should appreciate ANYONE that let's him climb on their back. I can't tolerate self-hating people.

3. I think everyone needs to read this post by Quaheem. He broke down the difference between love and like. The brotha got me to thinking about some past relationships why they probably didn't work out.

4. I met That Girl earlier tonight. When I found out that I would be going to her part of the country for work, I contacted her and asked if she would want to go to dinner. So she picked me up and we headed out to Pappadeaux for dinner. Let me tell you, beautiful is not the word for her. She is simply gourgeous. And she kept me laughing throughout the whole dinner. She is really down to earth and just says what's on her mind. I think that I have a new friend.

5. The casual sexual relationship is working out well. I can get sex when I want it from ONE person. Although we do more than sex partners do. Sunday we even played tennis together (I won 6-2,6-4), he cooked dinner, and we watched Oscars. And oh yeah, we had sex. I have to let you all know that sex in the shower is H-O-T! I love doing it. If you haven't done it, try it.

6. I was supposed to meet up with Life on Sunday, but we kinda got our schedules crossed. But I will make it an effort to meet more of the bloggers that live in Atlanta. j brothalove did have a get together recently, but of course I was out of town on the day that he had it and I couldn't attend. I hope that he has another one soon. Or hell, I may even host a get together myself.

7. I am so excited about my trip to Las Vegas on Friday. I have never been, so I am itching to get there. I am purposely not making any plans because I don't want to put time limits on anything that I may get into doing. But one thing that I will not do is gamble my 2.5 days away. Anyone who knows me that I love me some casinos. But I am making a budget of $450 (that's exclusive of the plane ticket and hotel) for the weekend. If there are any bloggers in Vegas that want to meet up and get drunk, let a brotha know before Friday.

8. My income tax refund is GONE in less than 2 weeks. But this year, most of it went to good use. Half of it went to my American Express card. If you don't have one, you should get one. It's the best card in the world to have because you HAVE to pay it back at the end of the month. But I bought tires, new clothes, and paid off car insurance for the year. I am so proud of me.

9. I interviewed for another job on Friday. This one is a technical account support for a company here in Atlanta. The greatest perk is that it's Monday-Friday, 8-5. Some people may not think that's a perk, but that's because they haven't been traveling for 5 years. It's time for me to be at home on a regular job like regular people. Plus it's more money. Some people say that they are not be motivated by money, but I ain't gonna tell that lie.

10. I'm still in my happy state. I am gonna stay in that state because I know that happiness is a decision. So I am gonna keep with the decision to be happy.

Am I Too Independent?

You may want to read this post before you read the following post.

When I was 18, my Mother bought me a 1979 Oldsmobile Regency for my high school graduation present. Seven months later, during my freshman year of college, it was stolen. You can best believe that I was devastated to say the least because I had only liability insurance on the car. As no surprise to me, my mother refused to buy me another car. I wasn't upset because I knew that she thought that 1 car was enough. When I was growing up, she taught me to do everything for myself. By the time I was 10, I was able to cook my own breakfast, wash and iron my clothes, and cut the grass. She never taught my siblings or me to depend on others for anything that we needed or wanted. And those teachings have stayed with me.

I tend to think that if I need something, I should attempt to do it myself first before I ask for help. I have NEVER been one to ask for assistance before I attempt it myself first. When I was moving into my apartment in Atlanta, I moved just about everything in by myself. It wasn't until I got to my sofa and loveseat that I needed help. And I had to call 3 people before I was able to find one to come help me. And the only reason that I asked for it then was that I didn't want to damage them. If I could have put them on my back, I would have.

It's not to say that I won't ask someone for help, but I rarely do. The reasoning: I just can't depend on other people for many things. My independent upbringing has a lot to do with it, but it's moreso the fact that people always disappoint when asked for or to do something. I have always believed that if you don't expect something, you can't be dissapointed if it doesn't happen. How many times have you had someone to not show up as scheduled? To not call you "right back" like they said they would? To lie to you when they could have just told the truth?

Another reason that I don't like to ask people for things is that I don't like to inconvenience other people when I can do something myself. If I didn't have a car, I would not ask someone to take me somewhere when there are buses and trains running. If I didn't know something, I would attempt to find it out before I ask someone. If I had no money, I would not expect my friends to pay my way. I don't think that most people think about how things can inconvenience the people whom they ask things of. That bothers me.

I had a friend to ask me to "do" his resume so that he can post it on a website and find a job. My first question was "do you already have one?" His reply: "No, I wanted you to do it." I asked him to do one himself and then I would go over it with him. His reply was "I don't know how to do a resume." I told him that there was a time when I didn't, but I took it upon myself to learn what it took to do a resume. I told him that I would only help him with his resume, not do it for him. He called me a bitch. I told him that I was a bitch with a job. *Got his ass right together*

I have been told by several people that I am too rigid. And sometimes, I actually agree, but not most of the time. It's just that I see no reason why a person should not be able to do something for themselves.

I think that a lot of my self assessments have stemmed from the my being tired of being peoples' crutch. I always seem to be the one that people call when they need something. But it seems that there are only 2 people that I can call on when I need something. I can't do it anymore and I won't. People are gonna have to learn to rely on themselves.

On My Mind 2/12/07

Now that I am 100% single, I have this overwhelming desire to have sex. I have been like this for the last 6 days. And the strange thing is that me and dude that I was seeing only had sex once *it wasn't good at all cause he kept screaming "it hurts, take it out"* Now it's rare that I do someone, but this made me want to do it even less. But I digress. I don't know if this overwhelming feeling comes from feeling that I can fuck who I want without any guilt or if it's because I am nearing my 30 day threshold. I think that it's the latter because around day 25 of no sex, I usually get like this. As I have said before, I get horny as hell and start shaking. The site of that is even funny to me.

I think that I am gonna try to remain single for a while. I say try because it seems that when I try, a dude that I think is good always appears. The trick is to find out his faults early. For instance, a dude that my roommate knows, tried to holla at me at a party. He didn't know that I know that he and my roommate went on a few dates and I think they had sex. I can't get into that situation. Even though I feel more freedom when I am single, I know that it's not gonna last long. I give it 2 months


My best friend (Beatmug)and another of our friends (Goofy) are having a feud and have not spoken in over a month. The situation, Goofy and Man X went on a date that turned out to be a bad one. Months later, Man X sees Beatmug at Bulldogs in Atlanta during the New Years holiday. He tells Beatmug that he is really attracted to him and wants to take him out on a date. A week later, Beatmug still has not accepted because he wants to talk to Goofy about it. Goofy says that he has no problem with it and Man X and Beatmug go out on a date. Three days later, Goofy tells Beatmug that it's bothering him that he would go out with someone that he used to date. Blah Blah Blah and they haven't talked in a month. I have talked to both of them to try to get them to resolve the issue, but they both want to be stubborn and proud. I am washing my hands of it. The problem is that it's gonna be kinda hard to hang with 2 people who won't even talk to each other.

I think that I am gonna enter into a casual sexual relationship. Even though I am not going to date, I still want to have sex. Having a casual sexual relationship means that I won't be tempted to fuck the first man that comes along. I am not up for any kind of dating and I already have someone in mind that I used to date*it didn't work out for us, but the sex was off the chain*. He and I have talked about it already and he is all for it, but I am not so sure that it's a good idea. One one hand he's someone that I am familiar with, but on the other, there are still emotions involved for the both of us.

I'm much better financially. I was finally able to have a pay check that didn't need to be spent in it's entirety. I only had to pay rent and my cell bill. I was left with a nice little amount. I didn't try to save it because glasses were $250, and car servicing was another $250. But I did get my income tax refund. It all going to debt reduction. I have paid my car insurance for a year and paid off a few small credit card bills. That will cut about $300 from my monthly expenditures. My goal is to be able to not have to use credit cards at all for anything.

I want to go ahead and customize my car with some rims and tint. Since my car is charcoal gray, I want some black or gunmetal rims with a chrome lip. I'm gonna actually budget out for this purchase. That's something that I have never done. If I budget right, I should be able to get them before the summer starts.

I haven't made any plans for my trip to Las Vegas other than to go. I don't really plan on gambling, but I do want to check out either Prince or Toni Braxton while I am there. Anybody know of anything that HAS to be done while one is in Vegas?

For some strange reason, I am starting to enjoy my job. A few months ago, I was soooooo ready to stop traveling. But my schedule isn't that bad. In the month of Januarty, I work a whole 12 days. There will be no more complaining, but that doesn't mean that I will not still be looking!

I Know What I Want

I'm not perfect and I realize that. I have never said that I was perfect or that I know everything in the world. There are things about me that I need to change. There are things about me that won't change. There are things about me that may need to change that I don't want to or won't change. There are things about me that other people don't like. There are things about me that others think that I should change. I'm just me and I accept me for me. But all in all, I am still me.

The only person that I have to answer to is me. I have to suffer the consequences of my actions and my decisions. I am my sole decision maker.

My last post may have made a few people believe that I want perfection in a person that I date. That isn't so. I want a man to be himself. I do not ask for anything from a person. I never ask them to change themselves. What I want is to be with a person that I just feel comfortable with. I am not gonna deal with a person who makes me complain to my friends. What the hell's the point if there are 10 things that I don't like/hate about him? I am not going to settle for someone that I don't really like. Do you settle? I hope not.

What I truly want is a person that is compatible with me. I am a clean person, so why would I want someone who keeps a messy house? I am organized, so why would I want someone who can't find something that they just put down? I speak my mind, so why would I want someone who can't do the same. I always tell the truth in relationships, so why would I want someone who keeps secrets? I am a person who is good with directions, so why would I want a person who can't find his way down a one way street?

I don't expect to find someone who is 100% compatible with me. But like I said, I am not gonna date someone that I don't like. I refuse to date someone just to have a man in my life. If I can't see myself building a life with someone and being able to accept them, then I am not going to waste my time with that person. I know that there are people that I am compatible with because I have had a least one of those. That person was Chicago *I know you are gonna read this*. He wasn't a perfect men, but he was right for me. He had his shit together. He listened. He spoke his mind. He paid his bills. He respected his parents. He respected me. He took me places. We went on real dates. He put up with my bullshit. He was compatible with me and I loved him for it. The only reason that we are still not together is those 750 miles.

Having known him, I know that there is another person out there that I am compatible with. So why should I settle for someone that I don't really like? I can't do that and I won't do that.

Sommore

She has to be the funniest comedian on the this damn planet. She keeps me laughing throughout every show.

I'm Tired and I'm Staying Single Until...

After years and years of dating and relationships, I think that I have reached my breaking point. I'm tired.

I'm tired of men and all that come with them.

I'm tired of wasting time with men that have nothing going for them.

I'm tired of men who can't/won't tell the truth.

I'm tired of men who have no car.

I'm tired of men who expect too much.

I'm tired of men who "just need a little help".

I'm tired of men who can't keep a commitment.

I'm tired of men who don't know how to return a phone call.

I'm tired of men who can't speak their minds.

I'm tired of men who are passive.

I'm tired of men who don't have shit to show for their lives.

I'm tired of men who can't get off of their mothers' breast.

I'm tired of men who can't see another opinion about something.

I'm tired of men who can't keep a clean house.

I'm tired of men who can't come visit me at my house.

I'm tired of men who have no money.

I'm tired of men who blame others for their problems.

I'm tired of men who only want to have sex, but say otherwise.

I'm tired of men who can't compromise.

I'm tired of men who say one thing, but to another.

I'm tired of men who have bad credit.

I'm tired of men who live with a "friend until they can get an apartment".

I'm tired of men who want to know "can you take me..."

I'm tired of men who have no backbone or balls.

I'm tired of men who have bad breath.

I'm tired of men who live beyond their means.

I'm tired of men who don't act their age.

I'm tired of men who smoke cigarettes.

I'm tired of men who smoke weed.

I'm tired of men who aren't trying to better themselves.

I'm tired of men who say that they don't want children.

I'm tired of men who have no common sense.

I'm tired of men and from this point I think that it's time that I stay single.

I will stay single until I meet a brotha that makes me feel comfortable with him.

I will stay single until I find a brotha who is compatible with me.

I will stay single until I meet a brotha who doesn't make me say "he's ok, but..."

I will stay single until I decide to date again.

I will stay single until I just can't take being single anymore.

I will stay single until I meet a man that wants to go out on a real date.

I will stay single until I meet a man that is courteous in all aspects

I will stay single until I get what I want.

I might just have to stay single forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jury Duty

People are always fucking with me and I have to curse a bitch out at least once a week!

If you have ever seen the Queens of Comedy, you may remember Sommore saying "they was fucking with me" when she was in jail. She said that she was minding her own business and people kept fucking with her. Her reply was "leave me lone, Bitch leave me lone." I know how she feels. It seems that at least once a week, someone will do something to piss me off. I never invite confrontation, but I damn sure am not going to back down from it.

Let me tell you what happened. On Monday I had to attend jury duty selection at the Dekalb county courthouse. As anyone who has done this, knows that it's boring and people get irritated and agitated having to sit and wait to be called for selection. Well during the wait, the lady next to me, Jennifer and I started small talk while she was on her laptop. A little while later, we were all told that we had 15 minutes to go get something to eat or smoke or whatever. Jennifer went over to Chick-Fil-A to get something to eat. Apparently, while she was there she stepped on a packet of mayonnaise and it landed on a man's suit. Neither she, nor the man knew that the incident had occured.

When she got back and sat down to eat, this woman with a bad weave and bad teeth turned around to Jennifer and said "Now you know you got mayonnaise on that man's nice suit". Jennifer told her that she didn't know it, but if she had then she would have apologized and paid for his suit to be cleaned. To that, ghetto heffa said, "that man probably had something important to do and you messed up his good suit". Jennifer repeated her earlier statement and even apologized to the woman. To that the bitch said, "If it was me, I would have cursed yo black ass out". Jennifer was trying to remain calm and professional, but all around could see that she was visibly upset by this ghetto ass bitch in front of her.

And this is where I come in. I whispered to Jennifer to let it go and not worry about it because she had no idea that it happened and that no one was hurt in the incident. Ghetto bitch turned to me and said "And who the fuck are you"? I told her that I was trying to be the voice or reason to calm Jennifer down, because she was upset. Ghetto bitch then told me "if you want to be the voice of reason, meet me outside and we can take care of this right now". And that's when I went the fuck off. My imaginary clip-on earrings and snatch-off wig were on the floor! I told Ghetto bitch " you ain't got to meet me outside, cause after I finish whooping yo ass out there, the police are gonna drag me back in here and arrest me. And the next trial in this muthafucka will be mine for killin yo ass!"

Ghetto bitch then said some inaudible shit under her breath. I told her that if she was woman enough to "take it outside" then she should be woman enough to talk about me to my face. I told her that she had no reason to come back into the selection room starting shit because the situation had nothing to do with her. I also told her that if the man hadn't been white, she would not have brought up the subject at all. Then some white man turned around as if to say something. To him I said "stay out of black folks business". He turned his stunned ass back around and continued reading his newspaper. After I finshed my speech, neither one of them said anything to anyone again.

Now some may say after reading some of my post that I have a temper issue or that I am highly sensitive or even that I carry around a lot of anger. I don't think that I do. I just believe in saying what's on my mind so that people will know where I stand. If someone gives me bad service some place where I am spending money, I am going to say something. If someone says something that offends me, I am going to speak my mind. If someone disrespects someone close to me, I am going to say something if they don't. I am not a passive, let-it-go type of person. I never have been and I never will be.