Profound Saying

"The man that knows something, knows that he knows nothing at all"

The first time I heard Erykah Badu say this line in "On and On" it just stuck to me and has stayed in my head. She is right. We don't know anything about life. We don't do what to do with it. What not to do with it. What to eat to sustain it. What to drink to sustain it. Where to go with it. What decisions to make about it. Again, I say, we don't know anything about life.

So where does that leave us?

Short Take On "Gay" Marriage

So the NJ supreme court has said that same-sex couples have to be given the same rights as heterosexual couple. It's about damn time. The controversy is whether to grant homosexual couples marriages or civil unions. We hell, if the two give the same damn rights are they not the same thing???????????????? A rose by any other name is still a rose!

Most people will base their opposition to same-sex marriage on regligion. Can anybody answer this question? Were Adam and Eve Married? I don't read the bible, so I don't know.

The marriage that I would like to have is not based on religion or being blessed by God. I am blessed by God already and that's enough for me. What I want is to be able to legally share my life, finances, children, and everything with my partner. Through wills, powers-of-attorney and things of the sort, you can somewhat do that. But why should I only have partial rights that I have to jump through hoops and pay money to get? Heterosexual people can get married and have rights by paying $15 dollars for a license and recited some words in front of a damn judge. Why can't I and my partner?

And people are so concerned with the spiritual side of marriage, why do they bother with the civil side of it? It's because they want the rights and privileges that come along with a civil marriage. If the civil part of the marriage was moot, why do it. I can commit to my partner laying on the sofa watching TV. But if I am going to share my life with someone, I want it to be recognized when I go visit my spouse in the hospital or when it's time to adopt children.

And I still don't understand how my marrying a man is gonna affect a heterosexual couple's marriage. No one has explained this yet.

The people who don't want us to marry feel that way because they don't want to feel that we are equal to them. The same reason men didn't want women to vote and whites wanted to continue segregation.

And for the heterosexuals who support marriage and civil unions for same-sex couples, I, if no one else thank and appreciate you.

Random 10/28/06

1. Why have the last 3 guys that I have met had all the same characteristics. They have all been broke. They have all been carless. They all live with someone "until they can get an apartment." What am I doing to attract these dudes?

2. Listen to the convo I heard between two sistas the other day.

Sista #1-Did you fuck that dude you met the other day?

Sista #2-Yeah girl. He had a dick like a tuna can!

Sista #1-What the hell that mean?

Sista #2-Girl, you ain't neva noticed the shape of a tuna can. His dick was just like one. It was short but fat as hell. Ima call that nigga Tuna-Can Fred.

3. Am I the only gay man who actually watches football? I admit that I started watching it because of I like the way that the men look in tights (Michael Vick and Tiki Barber are truly blessed with ass), but I have become a true fan of the game. Who else wants to watch the game with me?

4. I have always been a little apprehensive about being gay bashed, but now with the 2 assaults of 3 people in Atlanta, I am downright scared. Maybe I should go ahead and get that gun permit. I think that I will contact Darlene Harris of the APD about what to do to protect myself first before I do that.

5. One of my co-workers says that he is attracted to me. But do I want to even go there with someone I work with.? Especiallly since we both travel.

6. Weight today 173lbs. So I have gained 3 pounds in 10 days. I know it isn't muscle, so guess what it must be.

7. I'm still loving my car, but now I wish that I had gotten an up-level model. I miss my sunroof, leather and Bose audio system.

8. Why is my hair so damn bad? I let it grow out so that my waves would come back. By the time they did, I was so tired of brushing my hair that I cut it off again. Some people wish their hair would grow but I wish mine would never grow again.

9. I chatted with VP via email again. He doesn't want to call me for some reason, so I am certainly not gonna call him. Why can't this man "Unchain My Heart"?

10. Unlike everyone else, I am not hooked on any TV shows. I was a fan of Desperate Housewives and ER, but my schedule jacks up my viewing pleasure.

11. Why do people feel ashamed to admit to having sex toys? I'm damn sure am not.

12. I found a dentist that will give me a free whitening with a visit. Since I have new insurance and am looking for a new dentist, I will give this one a try. Whiter teeth will be mine!!!!!!!!

13. All of the people complaining and protesting about Madonna's Malawan adoption should follow her lead and adopt a child themselves.

14. Does anyone now want to move to New Jersey now that the State's Supreme court has opened the door to allow same-sex couples to become civil partners? If haters don't want to call it marriage, then THEY don't have to. I think Newark has potential, don't you agree?

15. How can water be good for you if it has no calories, vitamins or minerals?

16. I have started just hanging up on people when I am annoyed and don't consider it rude. If you put me on hold for 30 or more seconds or hold another conversation, I will just hang up. If you don't have anything to say when we are on the phone (and you called me) I will just hang up. My fucking phone bill was $122.00 dollars last month. And I love text messaging, but after the 3rd text message that I receive from you, expect your phone to ring. If you don't answer, it means that you don't have time to talk, which means that you shouldn't have time to text.

Fukitol

I Have That Feeling Again

I seem to have the same feeling that I had in this post. Except this time, I want to have sex. Not just any sex, but with some intimacy all mixed in with it.

What the hell am I gonna do with myself?????????????????????????????????

How The Fuck Could This Have Ever Been Made?

This is fucking stupid. And the message at the end made it even worse.

Give Me Body

In the year and a half that I have been blogging, I have posted several times about how I want to get in shape and have a nice beautiful body. In my head and to my eyes, it hasn't happened. I love the shape of my body, but I still have that little belly that won't go away.

I have always had an issue with how much I weighed. Now I have never been fat as people would classify it, but I never felt right about my weight. As a child, my weight went up and down all of the time. I would be skinny as hell one year and chunky the next. When I was 15, my mother finally noticed my weight gain when we went to buy some clothes for summer. She told me in the store that if I gained any more weight, I would have to start wearing HUSKY sized jeans. That summer I went to a college prep program at a college across town that required us to stay on campus for 6 weeks. When I got home at the end of the summer I had lost about 30 pounds. How did I do it? I stopped eating so much and started walking every day. Moms thought that something was wrong with me because I went from 180lbs to 150lbs at 5'11" in height. I looked skinny and she was alarmed. But of course she didn't do anything about it.

When I got to college, I was 6'1" and 155lbs. I was so skinny that I could hide behind a stop sign. But I got the freshman 15 times two and grew an inch. At the end of the year, I had gotten a gut and a butt. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner at a black college can do that to you.

Over the next few years, my weight has gotten as high at 210lbs. I know that at 6'2" that doesn't sound like a lot, but I felt and looked wrong. My waist was 36", my blood pressure was high, I had man tits and just felt fat.

I started going to the gym consistently in June of 2005 and started seeing results immediately. By January of 2006 I had lost about 30 pounds, reduced my waist, saw some muscles and just felt better. But in the last 3 months, I have stopped going to the gym. The reason? I felt too skinny at 170lbs (but I still have some of that belly). I didn't want to be one of those skin and bones people.

There have been times where I didn't want to eat because I felt like I would gain weight. Then there were other times when I ate too much because I thought that I didn't weigh enough. I never thought that I had an eating disorder, but I do know that I have image issues.

So on yesterday, I talked to my doctor about it. She said that I was about 15 pounds under what I should be because my ideal weight is 190lbs and suggested that I gain the 15 pounds. In order for me to see the evidence, she did a Body Composition Test. My body fat is 12.3% where as it should be 16%. My lean body mass was just above the 40% that it should be at 44%. My Body Mass Index was 22.27 where as it should be 24.00. She suggested that those 15 pounds come in the form of muscle mass and not fat because of my blood pressure. So I was given a list of foods that contain a lot of protein because I will need to eat about 190 grams of protein each day.

So guess what people? I am going back to the gym and I am going to the grocery store. I have a goal of gaining those 15 pounds because I now know what I should weigh. I think that if I get my body to look like I would like it to, those images issues would go away. Wish me luck!

Something To Think About 10/17/06

After seeing this season of Noah's Arc, I have a question to pose. Should you date other people even though you have unresolved feeling for someone from your past?

I'll be the first to admit that I still have unresolved feelings for 2 of my ex-boyfriends, Dreads and VP. I still love both of them with pieces of my heart, but loving them doesn't get in the way of me dating other people. On the other hand, I have a friend who refuses to date anyone. He and his ex broke up 2 years ago and he has not dated since because he still loves the old boyfriend. It seems like he is putting his life on hold for a man that he is no longer with. But how long does it take to get someone out of your system?

Now, I do believe that when feelings are unresolved, as with Noah and Wade, people can get hurt. Both physically and emotionally. Notice that I said can, and didn't way will. The reason that Noah's Arc ended the way it did was because Noah and Wade couldn't control their lust (or love). If you can't RESOLVE feelings, then you should be able to CONTROL them. Am I right?

So, what do you all think? Should you continue to date even though you have feelings for a past love? Or should you not get involved with someone else until those feelings are resolved?

Stop Asking That Damn Question!

If I hear one more person ask someone why they "chose to be gay" I am going to fall on the floor, bump my head, and slip into a coma. Or I may push the question asker down a flight of stairs so that he or she may bump his or her head and slip into a coma. Or I may just shake my head and sigh like I have always done.

I don't understand why straight people think that homosexuals chose to be attracted to the same sex. People, we did not chose to be homosexual. Whether you believe it or not, we don't have that choice to make. Did you make the choice to be heterosexual? I damn sure know that I didn't choose to be gay, but I am. But what I did chose was to live my life as I see fit in a manner that will make me happy. I am a gay man and there will be no attempts to be anything else.

And I hate it when people try to use religion to tell me that my "lifestyle" is wrong. I don't believe in religion. So, stick that in your pipe and smoke it. You can tell me a million times that God hates fags and it doesn't matter. I don't believe what you believe and I don't believe in you!

And on the topic of gay marriage;if you don't want gay people to get married, don't marry one! How the hell is me marrying a man gonna affect your marriage? Prove to me that my marriage to a man will ruin the kids that we have!

I have had sex with men countless times (I DID NOT say with countless men) and nothing about it is disgusting. If it was, I wouldn't do it. And if you do think it's disgusting, that's your opinion. I think eating sushi and undercooked meat is disgusting!

And lastly, if there was not such a stigma attached to being gay, there would be no DL, in the closet, hiding, lying, and stealing away. People would not feel the need to hide what they did. Suicide would not be the leading cause of death for gay teenagers. Families would not feel ashamed to have gay relatives. People would not kick their children out of the house when they came out. There would be a lot less stress.

All I want is for people to stop hating gay people. We haven't done a damn thing to you to make you hate us. We are not trying to "recruit" your kids to be gay. We are not trying to "convert" you to "play for our team." All the fuck we want is to live our fucking lives!

Misty Blue

This is the mood that I am in today.

What Would You Do?

So i'm back from Hawaii, but still have the damn flu? I do feel better, but can't stop coughing and it's getting on my nerves.

But anyway, I have been seeing Shorty for 2 months now and have come to the realization that he is not the man that I want in my life. Thus, I have become disinterested in him. The problem here is that I haven't told him. I have always been completely honest with the people that I have dated and don't mind breaking up with people. But this time, I truly know that if I broke up with him, it would hurt him. I don't want to do that. Usually it's not a problem breaking up with someone because there always seems to be some looming issue such as him being full of shit. But Shorty isn't like that. Don't get me wrong, there are a bunch of things that I don't like about him.

So for the last 2 weeks, I have been doing the typical man thing. I haven't been calling him as much. I haven't been texting him as much. I haven't been all that attentive to him. Mind you that, HE hardly ever calls ME before, (I called him 8 of the 10 times that we talked) so I don't think that he has noticed.

I have thought that he and I could just continue to date and see what happens, but I know that that isn't gonna work for me. I think that other problem is that I don't have the mental of physical energy to date anymore. I'm just fatigued. But I at least need to muster up the energy to tell Shorty that he ain't what I want.

How do you just tell someone that they are not what you want?