Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Give Me Body

In the year and a half that I have been blogging, I have posted several times about how I want to get in shape and have a nice beautiful body. In my head and to my eyes, it hasn't happened. I love the shape of my body, but I still have that little belly that won't go away.

I have always had an issue with how much I weighed. Now I have never been fat as people would classify it, but I never felt right about my weight. As a child, my weight went up and down all of the time. I would be skinny as hell one year and chunky the next. When I was 15, my mother finally noticed my weight gain when we went to buy some clothes for summer. She told me in the store that if I gained any more weight, I would have to start wearing HUSKY sized jeans. That summer I went to a college prep program at a college across town that required us to stay on campus for 6 weeks. When I got home at the end of the summer I had lost about 30 pounds. How did I do it? I stopped eating so much and started walking every day. Moms thought that something was wrong with me because I went from 180lbs to 150lbs at 5'11" in height. I looked skinny and she was alarmed. But of course she didn't do anything about it.

When I got to college, I was 6'1" and 155lbs. I was so skinny that I could hide behind a stop sign. But I got the freshman 15 times two and grew an inch. At the end of the year, I had gotten a gut and a butt. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner at a black college can do that to you.

Over the next few years, my weight has gotten as high at 210lbs. I know that at 6'2" that doesn't sound like a lot, but I felt and looked wrong. My waist was 36", my blood pressure was high, I had man tits and just felt fat.

I started going to the gym consistently in June of 2005 and started seeing results immediately. By January of 2006 I had lost about 30 pounds, reduced my waist, saw some muscles and just felt better. But in the last 3 months, I have stopped going to the gym. The reason? I felt too skinny at 170lbs (but I still have some of that belly). I didn't want to be one of those skin and bones people.

There have been times where I didn't want to eat because I felt like I would gain weight. Then there were other times when I ate too much because I thought that I didn't weigh enough. I never thought that I had an eating disorder, but I do know that I have image issues.

So on yesterday, I talked to my doctor about it. She said that I was about 15 pounds under what I should be because my ideal weight is 190lbs and suggested that I gain the 15 pounds. In order for me to see the evidence, she did a Body Composition Test. My body fat is 12.3% where as it should be 16%. My lean body mass was just above the 40% that it should be at 44%. My Body Mass Index was 22.27 where as it should be 24.00. She suggested that those 15 pounds come in the form of muscle mass and not fat because of my blood pressure. So I was given a list of foods that contain a lot of protein because I will need to eat about 190 grams of protein each day.

So guess what people? I am going back to the gym and I am going to the grocery store. I have a goal of gaining those 15 pounds because I now know what I should weigh. I think that if I get my body to look like I would like it to, those images issues would go away. Wish me luck!


Blogger Ladynay said...

Self body images are one of the hardest things to change sometimes.

I have a girlfriend who had weight loss surgery. Even though she is about 200lbs lighter and wearing single digit clothes, she still she's herself as a fat girl.

Good luck in your endeavors hun!

7:57 AM, October 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel you on that. I started going back to the gym recently because just like you, I have that belly that just won't go away, and I've started seeing results in just a week yo, so it's possible! Stay with it!

4:06 PM, October 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did the doctor mention if you are healthy at 175 pounds? It's not like 175 is unhealtfully skinny. Those numbers are averages. We are the same height so I don't agree with the doctor. Why? Because I would have to gain weight to get to 190. I'm satified with my size and wouldn't purposely gain weight because of one doctor's recommendation and the fact that people tend to gain weight as they get older. I kindly suggest you get a second opinion.

7:13 PM, October 18, 2006  
Blogger life said...

Get it right! Get it tight! I think get your body to look like you want it will definitely raise your self-esteem, but I think body image issue stem deeper.

7:13 PM, October 18, 2006  
Blogger Soldier said...

co-signing what Professor B, make your own decision. maybe after gaining 8lbs, you'll feel right. I understand losing weight for health reasons but gaining weight ? Go back to the gym, get them muscles, dont worry about the weight. Just get to the body structure you feel good in and stay there !

LMAO @ hiding behind a STOP sign ! ok that was hilarious

8:22 PM, October 18, 2006  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

@professor and soldier. I am the one that want to gain weight. I don't like how I look now. To me, I am too small. I liked how I looked at 190lbs. And surprisingly, that is the ideal weight for my body type. That's the only reason that she suggested that I gain 15 pounds.

And it's not always about the physical. This is more mental and emotional to me than anything else.

9:31 PM, October 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK. Please forgive the spelling errors in my comments above.

2:43 AM, October 19, 2006  
Blogger BuddahDesmond said...

Do what you feel is best. I feel you though. I've been going through something kinda similar. My weight has fluctuated since adolescence. Sometimes I'm slim, sometimes I'm chunky. I got back on my fitness regime after graduation this year and lost about 10 - 15 pounds (still got a ways to go). But since starting my new job and moving into my own place, I have yet to set foot in a gym. And I need to! I want to get back down to the size I was during my sophomore and junior years in college. Or something to close to it at the very least. It's not about anyone else, it's about looking good and feeling good for you. Making yourself happy (and healthy) should always be at the top of the list. Good luck!

3:40 PM, October 24, 2006  

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