Sunday, September 17, 2006

Brains and Head

Fuck all of the slang and call it what it is: SUCKING DICK. Some of us do it, some of us don't. Some of us like it, some of us don't. I'm one of those that like doing it and getting it done. But the one thing that I don't like is people that claim to be good at sucking dick, but aren't. And even worse are the ones that don't want to listen when you tell them how to do it. So what i'm gonna do now is to give some hints and clues.

1. The most important thing about sucking dick is breathing. The next time you are giving someone some head, try to notice if you are breathing while you are sucking. Do not hold your breathe! If you don't breathe, then your jaw will get tired along with the rest of your body. Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!

2. They call it SUCKING dick for a reason. It isn't called jacking a dick. It isn't called playing with a dick. It isn't called looking at a dick. It's called SUCKING Dick! When you got a dick in your mouth, you need to put some pressure on it. You have to pretend that it's the best damn thing that you ever tasted! You got to suck on it like a McDonald's Milkshake! But don't suck too hard. You are not a vacuum! You have to use gentle pressure. Dicks are sensitive things. Just ask one.
3. Don't be afraid to let a little spit drip. You got to keep the dick wet. This allows your lips to slide up and down the shaft with ease. If you have a dry mouth, drink some type of citrus juice before you start. Believe me, that will keep your mouth wet as the Atlantic.

4. Use your lips to keep a grip on the dick. There should be no space between them and the object of affection. And there is no such thing as DSLs (Dick Sucking Lips). If you have a pair, then you can suck a dick. Just remember to keep your lips wrapped around the dick at all times. And watch those teeth. If you find yourself scraping his dick with your teeth, use your lips to cover your them. If you want to see a man cry, scrape his dick with your teeth.

5. Use your tongue when you are giving head. When you are going up and down, place your tongue against the shaft and do that up and down motion. Keep the tongue in contact with the dick. When you get tired of sucking, give your jaw and neck a break by licking the head and sides of the dick. And give that sack of balls a lick and a suck too. They don't want to be left out.

6. Use your hands. Especially if you want to see him nut. Grip your dominant hand lightly around the bottom (if it's a long one, grip the middle). When your neck goes down, bring your hand up to meet it. And make sure that you use a little saliva to lubricate your hand. I can't describe how good this feels, but the ones who have had it done, don't have to imagine.

7. Go farther than the head. When you are sucking dick, you have to put more than the head in. Depending on the size of the dick, you need to at least go half way. Any man can tell you that sucking on just the head can make it become sensitive. If you have a sensitive gag reflex, then suck in your stomach when you start to go down the shaft. Now if you plan on putting that thang down your throat, let me tell you something. DO NOT try to swallow or suck when doing this. Just let it slide as far as it will go. And this is the ONLY time that you should hold your breathe. Many a man can attest that getting deep-throated is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Just don't try to rush into it.

8. If a man wants to thrust while you are sucking, hold his hips or ass. DO NOT let him just pound away in your mouth. Some people can't handle a dick going in and out of their mouth at a fast pace. That shit can be hella uncomfortable. You have to control him and make him go a pace that is comfortable for you.

9. When it's nutting time, it's deciding time. Do I catch it or get the hell out of the way? If you are going to catch the nut, then you have to know when it's coming. Don't let that muthafucka surprise you. A suprise nut can cause I disaster, expecially if you have eaten recently. You get my drift? If you are going to catch and swallow it, stop sucking and just let it go directly down your throat. Do not try to collect it in your mouth and then swallow. And lastly, if you are gonna let it fly, do not get that shit in your eye. It can burn and itch like hell!

(Disclaimer-It is not advisable to ingest semen. While it is widely accepted that oral sex is safe, diseases can still be acquired by ingesting semen. Only ingest semen if you fully trust your partner).

10. Lastly, ask you partner which technique he likes best. Some like it slow and steady. Some like it fast and raunchy. Some like a lot of spit. Some want it as dry as possible. You have to talk to him and see what's best. But even though he likes one thing, try other techniques. He might find some other things that he likes.

And that's my advice on sucking dick. Please be advised that these are my opinions and are not rooted in scientific fact. Also, it is advisable to use a condom when performing oral sex. Now go out there and make some man's eyes roll back into his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now who wants to give advice about taking and giving dick?


Blogger K Kaos said...

*Putting my notepad away* Thank u for the frankness my man, that was a good look. My favorite line was "When it's nutting time, it's deciding time"..Somebody got a little Sneak-A-Freak in them...I love it!

12:24 AM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger Ladynay said...

ROFLMBAO!!!!! OMG I have tears in my eyes I soooo did not need to read this this morning! You on point tho'. I was bout to mention the little spit thing. Most men I "know" like it wet sloppy head so a little spit won't work. LOL

7:03 AM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger lj said...

You are a mess..LOL. YOu should right a book. "Oh, Hell Yes. You tooo can suck dick"

7:08 AM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

@K Kaos-Please don't by like "hold on, I have to read my notes. Can you keep it hard for a minute?"

@Ladynay-you know you inspired this post don't you?

@LJ-Can you imagine my infomercial? "With my new book, you can learn to give one hell of a blowjob!"

9:27 AM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger Ladynay said...

*choke* pun intended....

10:15 AM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger Z said...

I feel so enlightened!

11:33 AM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger *Madosi said...

yes indeed!

i agree with every tip you have given (as someone who enjoys doing and getting)!


4:00 PM, September 18, 2006  
Anonymous ReddMann said...

oh my

4:04 PM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger lj said...

Dude I mispelled "write" was

4:23 PM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger Bernie said...

#10 should be #1. Not all dicks are the same and not all dicks respond to the same things. Listen to what the "suckee" needs and respond accordingly.

5:21 PM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger Darian said...

Well damn ! Can I get a lesson? I do live in Atlanta now! lol !

9:30 PM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger Jamal K. Franklin said...

Ha...I'm falling out.

10:44 PM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger Stone said...

wow "giving head 101" oh i passed that class got an A+ lol

11:29 PM, September 18, 2006  
Blogger antneya said...

I really am speechless Norris.

9:55 AM, September 19, 2006  
Blogger antneya said...

OH YEAH TONIGHT!!!...LIVE INTERVIEW with me at 7pm log on man and call in

11:28 AM, September 19, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...

One has to wonder how much time and energy you spent learning such actions.

1:06 PM, September 19, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:06 PM, September 19, 2006  
Blogger caspar608 said...

thank you so much for those pointers! those were the BEST I have ever read. YOU are the bomb.

12:22 PM, September 22, 2006  
Blogger TBone said...

It is so refreshing to see someone else who is in to the "art" of oral satisfaction. I graduated from this class years ago but there is nothing like a refresher course! Thanks for keeping it real! Now, if I can only get this tossing salad thing in order! Dam, I was speaking out loud again wasn't I!

9:49 AM, September 24, 2006  
Blogger ekxtreme slices of life said...

umm. marry me !

6:17 PM, September 24, 2006  
Blogger That Girl said...

LMAO...I am reading this at work...ask me why I keep looking over my shoulder to see if anyone sees what I am reading...

4:17 PM, September 28, 2006  
Blogger Kritzmoritz said...

You need to reproduce this...adice don't come better than this

4:23 PM, May 27, 2008  

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