Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Exit Only

I haven't blogged much about the dude that I have been seeing because I just haven't blogged lately. But I met him about 3 weeks ago through a mutual friend while we were out getting drunk. He's a little cutie about 5'5" tall and really muscular. He is just the cutest thing in the world and I have really enjoyed spending time with him. But of course there is always some issue. And there are 2 issues that could ruin any thought of furthering this situation.

Issue #1.) Shorty says that he doesn't want kids. Now, anyone who knows me knows that having a family that includes children is my life's dream. So this poses a problem for me. But when he told me that he didn't want kids, I didn't really think about it because I know that fatherhood is about 7 or 8 years off from now. Children are not in my near future and I am not trying to get married now either. Right now, I just want to date someone and enjoy myself. So this is not really a big issue right now. But if things were to start getting serious, Shorty and I would have to talk about this further.

Issue #2.) He doesn't want to give up any booty. I think that I have thoroughly explained that I like dick, but what I have not told is that I like a little booty every now and then. I was giving Shorty a back rub and told him to turn over on his stomach. He hesitated a little and I told him that he didn't have to worry about me poking him in the ass right then. He told me that I would have to kill him first. I didn't feel like arguing then so I just continued his back rub. Later on in the night, I brought up the subject again and we talked about it. He said that he tried it in college and didn't like it and would never do it again. I left it alone.

I had a conversation with him earlier today and I explained to him that I am not
%100 bottom and that my lil man ain't retired. I'm gonna want some eventually. I asked him if he was sure that what he said was completely accurate. This time he said no and that he had thought about being a little more versatile. But he explained that he really hadn't come to a conclusion on it. I told him that I had been through this several times with other dudes and I was not gonne try to persuade anyone to do something that they didn't want to do. I just am not gonna go through that again. Nope. Not again. Normally, I would have just ended this situation, but Shorty told him to think about it and get back with me.

I like to get things like this out of the way at the beginning of any situation because I don't want to waste anyone's time, especially mine.

How do you all fee about bringing up subject like these in the early stages of dating?


Anonymous Whit said...

Sexual attraction is major in all relationships. You must be compatible. So if you are a bottom but sometimes prefer top, your mate needs to understand and be open to your needs. If not, there will be problems in the future.

For example, as a female, if a man doesn't want to perform oral sex, I just tell him to hit the road. There are just some things that are not negotiable! lol

2:34 AM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger shereejoi said...

I think it's important to establish all that in the beginning so no one time will be wasted everyone knows what each other likes, hey hopefully he comes around, but he said he tried it once and didn't like it and he said he would NEVER do it again, so he might change his mind but I will be a little skeptical because when and if it comes down to it he starts acting scary?

3:23 AM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger Ladynay said...

I think that all issues that are important to you should be addressed early on in a relationship so like you said, nobody wastes time.

6:45 AM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger Bernie said...

I think if both people are clearly looking for a relationship, then it is probably not too early to discuss certain things. But it did strike me as odd that three weeks into this you have already brought up the issue of children.

As for sex, I think gay men place entirely too much emphasis on not only who's a top or bottom, but penetrative sex as the only way to sexually satisfy one another. For many men (even those who regularly bottom), penetration is joyless and painful, yet done out of some unspoken sense of "obligation." I think if too people truly vibe, it is incumbent upon them to both accomodate each other's needs and be more creative in how they explore and satisfy their sexual needs. There is more to sex than anal intercourse.

8:56 AM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...


12:01 PM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger Ty said...

I think that it is a good thing to get those type of thing out early in a relationship. If he isn't willing to bend over for you, you know how to take or allow the relationship to develop based on that. Why wait until you are in love with him and vice versa and then discover that you two are not compatible sexually?

2:17 PM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger CecelioLodge said...

I think it is better to get things out of the way as early as possible.

If you feel a vibe with the person and begin to date them regularly then it is only natural -- if you want to be compatible -- that you get certain things out of the way.

Personally, even before a relationship looks promising, I always inform the other person that I am agnostic and non-spiritual. One guy could not deal with it and this created a problem when I refused to go to church with him. There was this disconnect and we had to end the relationship after a couple months because of my irreligiousness.

Funny enough, it never mattered to my former partner of eight years, who was deeply religious and meditated a lot.

So, whether it's sex or kids, get it out of the way. Sooner rather than later.

11:12 PM, August 25, 2006  
Blogger fuzzy said...

I think its perfectly fine! My goal is finding long-term effection. Like you said My dick aint retired. Thats an issue that may cause unfaithfulness later on and you would wanna nip that in the bud before it starts! I view it as disqualifying traits and attributes that will save both of our time.

9:55 PM, August 27, 2006  
Blogger Omar Ramon said...

i feel it's touchy and always chancy to bring it up..there never seems to be a perfect time. so why not go for it. especially the deal-breaker type stuff. Time is too precious

8:21 PM, August 28, 2006  
Blogger life said...

Apparently, these things are important to you, so, no it's not too early. I definitely understand the kids part, but will you break up with someone because of sex. Well, ppl stay together for sex, so

1:47 AM, August 30, 2006  
Blogger E said...'s never too early. You're right. You don't want to waste time.

11:58 PM, September 01, 2006  
Blogger That Girl said...

Oh, my God...didn't you have a post similar too this one before? Anyways, I swear we are having the same problem. The guy I am dating is really into the church and doesn't want to have sex. I have slept over his house a bunch of times but he doesn't want to have sex at all. I sort of convinced him to have sex with me and after he wanted to talk and said it could not happen again and that he wants to be in a relationship with someone he is sleeping, I didn't want to seem like a lil hoe so I agreed...but I talked to my GF and I told her that I just could not handle a man that does not want to have sex because it is important to me...and on top of that he wants me to go to bible study all the time and anyone who knows me knows that that is just not hang in there son...I am with you in spirit.

11:59 AM, September 03, 2006  
Anonymous kennyking78 said...

You are doing it the right way... get the stuff out of the way in the beginning... while it is true people can change who is to say that they will change in a time frame that is conducive to your needs... what it sounds like to me is that you are really finding out if you are compatible in areas that are of importance to you... Good for you.

8:05 AM, September 06, 2006  

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