Monday, September 11, 2006

Something to Think About 9/11/06

I think that "Something to Think About XX/XX/XX" will become a part permanent part of my blog. This series will be designed to do just what the title suggest; make you think about something. It's probably gonna be something that is on my mind that I actually want feedback on. So feel free to comment honestly. With that said, here is the first installment.

Why do we date? If I were to ask this question to 100 people, I would probably get 75 different answers. Some people date for fun. Others date to avoid loneliness. Then some people do it as a sport or competition. But I think that the overwhelming reason that people to date is to find someone to share their life with.

It seems that most of us want to find that one person to share our lives with, but we have to date the others first. Often, when dates don't end up as permanent spouses, we look at it as a bad thing. But I think that we should use the situation as a learning tool. We should find out what it was about this person or about ourselves that prevented the situation from escalating.

It wasn't up until last year that I realized that I should be doing this. I hadn't been learning from my dating situations. Now, I actually think about situations from years back to see what I was supposed to learn. Now when I date someone, I know what to look for in a person. I know what I want in a person (most of the time).

We also must learn that just because we are dating someone doesn't mean that we have to continue dating that person. If we realize that something is not going to work out to make us happy, we need to learn to let it go with no hard feelings. I absolutely will not continue dating someone when I realize that we are not compatible. But what I will do is let the person know why I don't want to continue the situation. One of the worst things that you can do to someone is to not tell them how you truly feel. Or even worse than that is to discontinue communication abruptly without an explanation.

Another thing that we must learn is that dating is not a relationship until both parties agree that it is. Too often, the persons involved are not on the same page. One person has taken the situation farther than the other person has. I believe that until the parties involved discuss and make an agreement, there is no committment. Both people are free to do as they please.

I also think that dating does not have to be so stressful. We should be enjoying ourselves, not stressing over if someone is gonna call or if they are out with someone else. We should value the time that WE are spending with that person. Make the most of it and do things that you 2 enjoy. If you 2 enjoy staying home watching movies, do that. If you 2 enjoy going clubbing every night, do that. Just make sure that you are enjoying yourself. If you aren't, then you know what to do.

And lastly, you should know how to communicate with the person that you are dating. You 2 need to know how to talk to each other about what you are looking for, about what makes you happy, and about what makes you mad as hell. Honest communication can help us avoid a lot of heartache and misunderstandings.

With all of this said, I would like to know how you all feel about dating. Why do you do it? Do you learn from it? Can you walk away with no feelings? What's the deal. Let a brotha know what's up.


Blogger K Kaos said...

Dating can be fun, it can be stressful,disappointing,etc. But i think everything we do is a learning experience. I consider dating to be like a trial and error process, if that doesnt work, then u learn from your mistakes and move on. Why waste time with someone incompatible in every way that matters.

12:09 AM, September 12, 2006  
Blogger Ladynay said...

Dating is alot of things. I do it in hopes to find that person that I am supposed to spend my life with. I am still learning from it by trying to change the frequent repeatedness of my situations. I haven't learned to walk away without feelings.

8:02 AM, September 12, 2006  
Blogger Bernie said...

I agree with everything you have written. I would only add that the first date, at least, should be done with little to no expectations. The objective should be to have fun and get to know one another. Neither person should come in with the hope or expectation that this may be "the one." When people do that they often wind up being overly critical or judgemental, microscopicly examining every little thing about the other person.

Don't do that. Pick an activity to do that will be fun for both of you and give you an opportunity to talk, then let whatever is meant to happen, happen. At the end of the evening, you will have at least done something interesting with a person you've gotten to know a little better.

8:46 AM, September 12, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...

If there are differences to the motives of dating, then the entire scope is off key and no success fulfilled.

11:44 AM, September 12, 2006  
Blogger Rahman said...

It is almost impossible to walk away from a date with no feelings, even if that is the intention. Because of my career and frequent travel, I don't often.
I always tell myself, it is what it is. However, I don't geek about it you still wonder if the phone doesn't ring should I call this person. Or even deeper was it me? Even though you had nothing to do with it.
My thoughts though are that all of those feelings that you experience aren't all bad that is the essence of life.

10:46 AM, September 16, 2006  

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