Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Choose a Side of the Fence!

Back in grade school around 8-10 years old, I got teased a lot by other boys because I wasn't as "hard" as they appeared to be. They called me the usual names that people call men who are not as masculine as they "need" to be. But as with most cases like these, these were the same boys that wanted to "play" when no one else was around. The ones that would try to get you into a broom closet, or show up at your house when they knew that your parents weren't home, or take you in the shed.

But unlike other little gay boys, I wasn't having that shit. How you gone call me out my name all day at school, and then wanna hunch on my booty and kiss when no one else was around? The hell you will! There was only one time that I played around with another little boy and that's because he never teased or talked about me (and I thought that he was cute). All the other little boys' advances were rebuffed. No questions asked and no booty given!

Now I have mentioned my straight friend Leo a few times in my blog. He is what Bernard Bradshaw over at Sex and the 2nd City would call a "straight boyfriend." Or what Frank Leon Roberts would call a "straight male fag hag." He says that he is straight and I believe that he is. He has several gay friends. Has no problem listening to me talk about men. Doesn't get uncomfortable when we are watching sports and I scream "damn he fine!" Doesn't think that I am less of a man because I am homosexual.

He use to be married and I was cool with both him and his wife. I have had dinner with them. Gotten drunk with them. Played cards with them. But I kinda stopped hanging with them as a couple because she started getting jealous. She accused him of being bisexual a couple of times. She got especially angry when he asked me to take him to the hospital when he was having surgery instead of her because she would have to take off work. Eventually they got divorced because she cheated on him (what the hell was she thinking).

Before they got divorced, I heard from him probably once or twice a month. But since then and especially since he has bought a house he calls me multiple times a day. So a few weeks ago, he invited me over to see his new house and to watch preseason football. Of course I took liquor to drink while he smoked his weed. He showed me around the house and we went to the basement to watch the game. We were watching the game and he started smoking while I was drinking and he got up started flexing his muscles in front of me. I sat there wondering what the hell he was doing and wanting him to get the hell out of the way of the television (put I did sneak a peak). He then offered me some weed. Having never smoked any, I decided to try it to see what would happen. It didn't do anything for me except make me laugh a lot. I won't be doing it again. But I got so drunk that I couldn't drive home. He actually got me a blanket and tucked me in on the sofa. This is normal for us. I get drunk and he gets high.

But lately, his comments have been making me raise an eyebrow.

1. After not seeing him for about 2 months, his first words to me were "damn you look good!" I just said thanks.

2. We were on the phone one day and he told me to call him "Big Daddy." I just said ok as I
looked around the room in confusion.

3. He told me that he will love me forever.

4. When he asked me what I was doing one night, I and I told him that I was gonna get in the bed, he told me that he was gonna come get in it with me.

5. He told me that next time I came over to his house, he was gonna get me drunk and high and
tie me up.

I discussed this with 2 friends of mine and they both said the same thing. "Norris, he wants to fuck you and you should let him." I was actually thinking that they would say something like that. Now I am not gonna say that I haven't thought about what it would be like to have sex with Leo because I have. The man is pretty sexy. He's 6'7" and about 215 of muscle with a chocolate complexion and a head full of dreads. So yeah, I have thought about it. But I don't think that I could, even if he threw himself on me.

The reasons, i'll tell you. I don't do anything with any man who is not gay. I do not want to be anyone's experiment. I don't want to be that predatory day man that goes after 'straight" men. And the other reason is that I know that it would change our friendship, which I value too much. I just can't do it.

Some men just want to freak around with another dude just once to see what it's like and satisfy their curiosity. Some aren't straight and want to gradually come out of their straight shell. Some men are bisexual and get a desire to partake upon the homosexual side later in life (he's 35). I'm not sure which one of these Leo is, but if he wants his first time to be with a man, then he can get with a more willing partner.

But if he catches me at the right moment and says the right thing, I might just give in!

What do you all think about this situation?


Blogger Bernie said...

IF anything happens, let him initiate it, when he's sober. He needs to be able to say exactly what it is he wants from you and why and be of sound mind, so he can't blame it on the weed later or claim you forced him into anything.

He's probably bisexual but been living as straight and now that he's divorced, feels the need to satisfy that side of himself with a safe friend. I also have friends who I suspect (and who I'd throw down with in a second, but only if they make the first move).

11:42 PM, September 20, 2006  
Blogger lj said...

I don't think I could, just because it could jack up a good friendship.

5:57 AM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger Ladynay said...

Wow, I kinda agree with Bernie, let him let you know what's up when he is sober and on earth.

If your gut says to leave him alone in that area, by all means let him find someone else to satisfy whatever need/want he has.

7:01 AM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...

I know we have our differences of opinions and perspectives, but I agree that you should not engage with someone who is not fully participating in the lifestyle because you will end up holding the bag if they so choose to bail.

Further, I feel your friend, Leo, just want a "closer" companionship. You mentioned he is divorced. That may stir up the notion that he is now deficient in physical contact and you being close to him in friendship may be sought after to levarage that deficiency. Leo may be curious, who knows. I would advise to let him run his course, but I would not provoke or engage on anything he may say because he is counting on your reaction to his actions and words. He is the experimenting with you seeing how you will respond to him.

8:30 AM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger K Kaos said...

This is so interesting, I have had a few of these situations, where someone was straight, but they would say and do thing to make me question their sexuality. It can be odd, but to be honest it can be fun sometimes, dabbling with the uncertainty,its weird.

10:19 AM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger THE PISCEAN said...

I have just recently started to read your blog and I hope you don't mind my input.

Please don't risk ruining a great friendship. True frindships are hard to come by.

10:49 AM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger Ty said...

Wow!!! I am torn. I see captain's point (can you believe that) and I understand some of the other comments. If I had to choose I would say, definitely sit down and talk with him when he is not high or drunk. Talk about it openly and honestly but also tactfully. You don't want to scare him. Find out what is going on in his mind. I say that because it may not be an experiment, he may really be in love with you and want to explore life with you. Just keep in mind that it may be a rebound thing.

2:26 PM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger caspar608 said...

I am from Cocoa Rican's blog. You are adorable!
Now, about your friend. I am not saying he doesnt hink you are attractive - clearly you are, even with that camera in from of the lower half of your face. However, I feel compelled to mention that although I am starighter than a ruler, I often joke around with a very close girlfriend of mine about doing nasty things with her or climbing into bed with her. Its just being silly or acting crazy. I think your friend loves you very deeply. And its ok to love someone deeply without ever having sexual contact with them.
You will be alright. Just don't allow yourself to be a guinea pig - weed and liquor are a bad combination. And, for the record, not very good for you if youwant to raise children some day!
Best to you.

12:17 PM, September 22, 2006  
Blogger Rahman said...

My man, what an interesting situation to be in. You however have the upper hand. I think in this case you should let it happen as it does -- don't initiate anything and just understand that what is most important here is a great freindship!

7:31 PM, September 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say this....You're a Pisces, your intution works like a womans pussy every month...(it does what it's supposed to do unless you got the shot)

Now, I feel you on not fuckin straight men, but he obviously feels comfortable enough with you to EXPLORE thoughts that he's always had. It's up to you whether you do it or not. I doubt that he'll try it with anyone else. I've been in this situation before...

I'd go with option 5 and see what happens, just do let your emotions get the best of you. YOu know your body makes commitments you personally dont want to keep

7:41 PM, September 22, 2006  
Blogger E said...

I'm thinking I need to come out so I can have a similar scenario...*LOL*.

Just kidding..I think.

I think I'm leaning towards what caspar608 says. He feels very comfortable around you obviously and is willing to push that button but likely his bark is worse than the actual bite.

He is in a vulnerable state right now and if he truly does wanna "go there", he needs to find a trick. Your friendship with him is too valuable to risk ruining over this.

And definitely gauge his feelings when he's not high off of something..:-)

1:03 PM, September 23, 2006  
Blogger TBone said...

Now lets get real with this conversation and ourselves. I don't know about the next homosexual, biseuxal, or confused guy but most of us look for that masculinity that comes from a "suppose" to be straight man! The fact that you and him have a very good friendship is the main reason to explore your options. I can't speak for most but 89% of the guys I deal with are suppose to be straight! Until someone opens their eyes to the other side! Can you say I am a converter? Mabye, but you can't rape the willing and it is always given freely! I think the edge to this is that there is that ultimate chance that you have found that masculine guy who will be your "man"! Loyal to you because you are the one who gave him the taste of the other side! It can be molded into a beautiful relationship. But it depends on what your are willing to put into it!

This is not the 1900's! This is the millinuem and it is all about being upfront, blunt and direct. Express your concerns! If he gets offended then move on but you now know what road you two can travel down. He has been wanting to go there. It was supressed by his marriage and his need to look right in the eyesight of what society says! The fact that he respects and trust you more than he did for his wife speaks for its self! It may be Love! It may be Lust! It may be Curiosity! Either way you will never know unless you address the situation!

You already said if he came at you right you would give up the goodies! So be real with yourself as well as him!

Keep it real!!!

7:36 PM, September 23, 2006  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Well, damn Tbone! You done got me together!

10:02 PM, September 23, 2006  
Blogger TBone said...

Just keeping it real but I know you feel me! By the way I will offically be a Atlanta resident November 30th! Let's do lunch!

9:39 AM, September 24, 2006  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Lunch! Hell, that's cool with me.

12:22 PM, September 24, 2006  
Blogger That Girl said...


1:33 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm. well he is your friend.. and he is in need... hmmm.. get that man drunk and high and then dick him down. time for u to recruit a new member to the community. ;-)

6:15 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say just talk to him about it. Why grown people still feel the need to beat around bushes and dance around subjects... he and you both should be upfront about your intentions or at least question him on his... and id be happy to come over to whatever part of ATL to moderate this conversation and watch the outcomes LOL

2:46 PM, September 25, 2006  
Blogger ~HoustonNY~ said...

Hmmm....Everyone has had excellent comments, so most of what I wanted to say has already been stated. He could be lonley and looking to connect in a more secure bonding way like someone mentioned. He could be, for the first time, exploring something that was deep inside of him. You just don't know. However, if you two are as close as you say, you should be able to talk to him and ask him this question. Very casually.

On the other hand, this could be the person that was sent for you, but you are blocking it because of something that you just "do not do". Taking a chance on a relationship is never, ever going to be easy....even with a gay man. You just have to put out there from the very beginning what you will and will not tolerate. If he can handle it then you have your answer.

My humble opinion is that yes, you should protect yourself. But take EACH person separately. What may apply to one person may not necessarily apply to another. But if you really don't want to do this, then you need to stop tolerating certain things. When he say or do things that you don't find appropriate to the type of friendship that you want, then you should tell him. Silence can sometimes translate into consent.


11:44 AM, September 26, 2006  
Blogger *Madosi said...

oddly enough, i agree with you. do not do it, just to be doing it beacuse your friendship/relationship is worth and means more than that. but if it is the right thing at the right time, go for it ... ya know!

in other words, be open minded but realistic at the same time.

2:57 PM, September 27, 2006  

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