Give It Up, Turn It Loose

I was watching Blind Date the other night and saw something that made me wonder. There was a lady on a date who had worn nothing but pink for the past 20 years. During the date, the guy kept mentioning that it bothered him and he asked her what would it take for her to not wear pink. She told him that he could not even pay her to wear another color. She also said that any man that she was with would have to accept her pink obsession. I could tell that it truly freaked the dude out that she would rather be single than to wear any other color. Needless to say she has been and probably will be single for a long time. I thought that she was crazy. Not because she wouldn't budge on wearing pink for a man, but that fact that she had worn only that color for 20 years. But I do admire her crazy ass for sticking to her convictions and not letting a man change her life.

So it got me to wondering what I would give up to be in a relationship. In all honesty, I don't think that there is much. I am just a little to independent to just say, "well, I won't go to the casino anymore because you don't like gambling." Or "I'll drive a Hyuandai because you believe Nissans are too expensive." I would be the one to tell a dude to go to hell and take his ideas with him. Now that is not to say that I won't compromise on some things. I just won't live by someone elses rules and opinions just to be with them.

So, my faithful readers, what would you give up, or not give up to be in a relationship?

I Tried It Again!

So I went a month with no dates and no prospect. I didn't meet anyone new and I turned down any offer. Then I decided that I would try it again. And it was a disaster. This dude was such a disaster that I won't even give him a psuedonym.

I went to The Garden of Eden and started chatting with a brotha that seemed to be pretty cool and from his picture, looked all right. After about 3 days on the computer I gave him my phone number and we chatted for a week before I decided to meet him (plus I wasn't in town). We planned to meet for lunch at Lenox Square on Friday afternoon at 2:30pm.

Strangely, I wasn't excited to meet this dude as I normally am when I meet someone for the first time. I guess I have learned to not expect anything so that I won't be dissapointed. And when I saw him, I was glad that I wasn't expecting anything special. He wasn't as good-looking as he appeared in his pictures and he also looked a whole lot slimmer. Lesson: beware of those whose pictures are taken in the dark. Even though he wasn't truly my type of dude physically, I still wanted to see what he was all about.

We ordered food from Panera Bread and sat down to talk. Initially, I enjoyed the conversation, but after a few minutes, it turned sour. The dialogue turned into a monologue when I asked him to tell me how he found his job. That took 20 minutes! I almost fell asleep with my eyes open. But I did like that fact that he could talk. You don't know how many brothas I have met who I thought were mute. So when this lunch date was over, we decided to go on another date that night. So I told him to call me and I left.

Later on that night when he called me, I asked him what he wanted to do. I honestly wanted to go out and do something. He said that he wanted to just chill at his house and asked me to come over to which I agreed. I asked him if he had a DVD player and he said no. So I assumed that we would just watch TV. He did say that he would order something to eat and I told him that I would like a pizza with pepperoni and sausage. He said that he didn't eat beef or pork. So we compromised and got one with meet and one with vegetables.

When I got there, I did notice that his house was in a nice neighborhood and was really clean. I also noticed that there was minimal furniture. I thought that it wasn't a good sign for a man (36 years of age at that) to have a house that he couldn't or wouldn't furnish. But anyway we sat and listened to some music while we waited on the pizza. When we got it, we sat and talked about random stuff. After we ate, we sat and watched HGTV (which is something that I love to watch). Then he did exactly what I hate for dudes to do. He wanted to get affectionate. This, even after I had explained to him that I don't like to show physical affection until I know someone. I don't like to kiss on the first date. I don't like to hug. I like to keep physical contact to a minimum. But he insisted on hugging me and kissing on my neck. Each time he did it, I would jump as though he had startled me. When he didn't get the hint, I decided that I was ready to go.

At that point, he wanted to show me around his house. I agreed and we headed upstairs. Again I noticed a minimal amount of furniture. The guest bedroom was the only one that was furnished. I asked him how long he had been there and he said that he moved in in October. You should have a furnished home in that amount of time. We went back downstairs to the front door and he moved in for a kiss and a hug. He got a loose hug, but he was not getting a kiss. Hell to the naw! I jumped in my car and left.

The next day he called me twice and w(h)e talked for at least 20 minutes each time. The second call was about 9pm right before I was about to go hang out with some friends. When I told him that I was about to go, he told me to call him later. I said ok and hung up. I think subconsciously I had not intentions of calling him because I didn't call him all night.

The next day he called me and left a message asking why I hadn't called him. I didn't bother to call him because I wanted to sleep and didn't feel like talking. Later that day, I logged onto The Garden again to check messages. He instantly sent me a message asking my why I hadn't called him or returned his call. I told him that I had honestly forgotten to call him because I was hanging with some friends till 6am. He sent me another message saying that I was a liar because I didn't do what I said that I was gonna do and wanted to know why I didn't return his message. HUH? I sent him another message telling him that it was a little to early to be questioning me about anything that I do or to be calling me names. He said that he had seen my true colors. I told him that I had seen his and they showed me that he was a little stalkerish. I then told him that he reminded me of why I had decided to stop dating and to not bother contacting me again.

No, I didn't call him back Friday night. Maybe I was wrong for that, but I was having fun hanging out and he never crossed my mind. But I will be damned if a man is gonna snap on me and expect to see me again after knowing is ass for a week.

I don't know why I keep meeting brothas who just aren't all there. This dude did not look like his picture, insisted on being affectionate, didn't eat beef or pork, didn't have furniture, talked too much, and then snapped at me. I knew from the jump that it wouldn't work in any fashion, but I put some things aside just to see if the "small stuff" really mattered. It does and it matters a lot.

I am honestly tired of dating because I have not even been slightly successful. And I really don't want to stop dating because I like meeting people and going on dates. But I don't want to keep dating these crazy, trifling, ass brothas. So I have a question. Should I continue to meet guys or should I restart my hiatus from dating?

P.S. The items in red are to indicate RED FLAGS that popped up during our interactions.

I Feel Good All Over

For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am happy with how it's going. I swear that I cannot remember ever feeling like this. For the last couple of hours, I have really been thinking about the fact that although everything isn't going exactly how I want it, i'm happy about life.

I thought about how years ago, I was severely depressed to the point that I wanted to end my life (and almost did). I thought about how I thought that I would never accomplish anything. I thought about how back then, I really didn't appreciate the people in my life because I thought that they didn't appreciate me. I thought about how I was drinking at least a bottle of wine and a glass of cognac EVERYDAY. I thought about how I felt that I would never have enough money to live on. I thought about all the bad shit that WAS going on.

But then I remember that back at the end of 2004, I told myself that I was just gonna be happy. I read a quote from Abraham Lincoln that said that "people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." That's so true. Since that day, I have been actively changing myself so that I could be happy with me. I started a philosophy of "if it makes me happy." The philosophy involved just that. If something made me happy, I did it. If something didn't make me happy, I got rid of it. If I wanted something, I bought it. If I wanted to move somewhere I did.

I think what really changed me was that I realized that I am the only person that can make me happy. Now that I have embraced that concept, I will always be happy with me.

I Should Not Have, But...

The last thing that I really needed was another car and an increased carnote. But I have always said that when my present car gives me 3 problems, it has to go. My 2001 Nissan Maxima had given my an emissions issue at 42,ooo miles, a dead alternator ($697.00) at 62,000 miles (right after the warranty expired) and Friday it gave me another emissions issue. Plus my right front window and driver's seat controls stopped working.

Friday night and Saturday were spent trolling the internet looking at cars of all types. I even looked at a few SUVs. But, the fact that I have had 4 Nissans (3 of those being Maximas), I decided to take a test drive on Sunday. After the test drive and after negotiating for 3.5 hours, I bought it! This is the best car that I have ever owned. First it's beautiful. It's fast as hell (0-60 in 5.9 secs) and I know so because it's already been to 120 mph. It's comfortable. I gave up leather and a sunroof to hold down the price, but I still love it. It does have the SkyView which looks like a mohawk. It lets the sun in without the heat and air. It's dare I say it, nice.

The only issue is the car note. Lord have mercy on my checking account. I won't mention it because I will get a few "have you lost you mind" questions. But I can afford it and all that matters is that I am happy and don't have buyers remorse. Now, since my car note did increase, i'm gonna seriously cut back on my expenses so that I can continue to save money. But otherwise, I am seriously happy!

Progress

Back when I did this post in August of 2005, I was really not that satisfied with my physical being. I was right at 200lbs and had a 36 inch waistline and a little belly. Here are the pictures that I took yesterday.









I now weigh in at 175lbs with a 32 inch waistline and an almost flat belly. And I love the way that my torso has slimmed down. I want that broad shoulder/slim waist look that I love to see on other dudes.

The only thing that I can't seem to improve is the love handles. As you can see, they aren't big and protruding, but they are there. I think that could be because I don't do very much abdominal exercise. But that's next on my list!

Oh, and pay no attention to that calendar in the back.

I Love Dick. What Does That Make Me?

WARNING: This post is about gay sexual positions. It is a very open and upfront post. You may actually learn something. Read at your own risk.




In the gay world, when it comes to sex, you must be put into a category. If not, then you confuse the hell out of people. I've heard stories that back in the day (i.e. anytime before the 90s), you either took dick or you gave it. There was no inbetween. You either took dick in the ass (bottom) or you gave dick to the ass (top). Then around the 90s, gay men realized that you didn't have to be relegated to one position or the other. Thus came the role of versatile. A versatile man was neither a top or bottom. He gladly gave and received dick. Then there was the man that was a top, but would give up a little ass every now and then. He was called a verstile/top. And the man that was a bottom that gave up some dick every now and then was called a versatile/bottom. Finally, there was the man that didn't have anal sex at all, but he would suck a mean dick. He was called oral and was largely disregarded as selfish with his dick or ass.

On some occasions when a man first has sex with another man, he does not know his sexual position. He may have no clue. But on other occasions, he may know that he only wants to penetrate someome or have someone penetrate him. There are also some people who start out their sex lives in one position and switch to another. Sexual desires are fluid like that.

When it comes to myself, I have hit just about every point on the sexual position map. It all seemed to depend on who I was having sex with. There have been some men who wanted me to be their top, some who wanted me to be thier bottom, and some who wanted some versatility. I USE to be happy as long as I was getting me some tongue, dick, or ass. I don't use any of the labels mentioned earlier. I like to call myself adaptable. I can be whatever my partner wants me to be. But if forced (as if that would ever happen) to choose one, I would have to say that I was a versatile/bottom.

Most guys would never admit to being any kind of bottom even if they are. They still think in that old mentality that bottom equals feminine or weak. Well, I can tell you that it means neither. The only thing that it means is that you like to be penetrated. That's it. Nothing else to explain. Admitting that I like dick is nothing to me. Having had my share of versatility, I know that I like dick more than I like ass. When I was younger, it didn't matter, but as I got older learned that I liked and wanted one more than the other.

To be honest, when I penetrated a guy, he got a lot more out of it than I did. To me, the only good part of doing it was the end result. The orgasm. That was it. All of that work and the whole time I was doing it, I felt virtually nothing until the end. Well sometimes. A few dudes had that ass that put a grip on my dick and made my eyes go white. But on the other hand, when I am being penetrated, it feels good from start to finish. A lot of times, I can feel it all over my body. Read this post to understand that.

I think that it's because I am better at being a bottom than I am at being a top. I know what to do and how to do it to make sure that I get the feeling that I want and the same for my partner. I find that making sure that I am having a good time will ensure that he is too. I know how to arch my back according to his height. I know to squeeze when he pulls out and to relax when he goes back in. I know how to hold my legs a certain way for each position. I know to not rest on his legs when I am riding so that he can have some control. I know that when he gets his rhythm going, I have to match it with mine. And #1, I know to have a clean ass! I am better at being a bottom because I know what to do.

When I am penetrating someone, the only thing that I do it pile drive that ass. I don't know all of the different methods and all of that shit and have never wanted to learn. But all the guys that I have done seemed to enjoy it. One guy that I was dating started out penetrating me, but I did him the first time and never got any dick from him again. In fact, no one has since then.

Now as far as having a husband, I would like a guy who is a versatile/top. I may only want some booty 3 or 4 times a year, but I want him to enjoy giving me that booty. When I was with Dreads, he would do it, but he hated it. Seeing him ACT like he was dying was such a turn off. I guess he thought that if he acted like it was killing him, I would have sympathy and not want to do it again. But I would do him because he had a good, plump, tight booty. He would just have to suffer through it and I wouldn't look at his face. But I want a dude that is gonna WANT to be penetrated every so often. I like being being penertrated, but my dick is not retired!

So all in all, I like dick. Does that make me a bottom? Maybe in your book, but to me it just means that I like dick!

So all in all

Pet Peeves

Everybody has their pet peeves. Everybody! My biggest and most hated pet peeve is when people don't do what they say that they are gonna do. The reason that I hate this so much is that I always do what I say that I am gonna do. If I say that I am gonna dance naked at the mall tomorrow, you can get your camera ready because it's gonna happen.

The story: I'm in the Western Chicago Suburbs this week installing some computers and doing support. On Wednesday, I called this dude that I use to talk to (notice that I didn't say BOYFRIEND) just to let him know that I was in town. On Thursday he called and asked me if I would go to lunch on Friday since he worked in the area and I had to do support from 3p-11p. I told him that was cool and he said that he would call me around 10am on Friday. Well you can guess that by noon, he had not called. Around 6 am, I sent a text message asking him what happened to lunch. No reply. You know that I was pissed by then.

Around 11pm, I called him. The conversation went like this:

Me: Why didn't you call me like you said you would?

Him: I was busy all day:

Me: You mean that you didn't have time ALL DAY to just call and say that you couldn't make it to lunch?

Him: Yeah, I was busy at work.

Me: What time did you get off work?

Him: 4:30pm

Me: And what did you do after?

Him: I had to go to physical therapy to work on my knee.

Me: And what time did you leave there?

Him: About 6pm. Why are you upset?

Me: Because you are full of shit! So you didn't take a lunch break, a bathroom break, a coffee break, or anything to call me and say "I can't make it." I think that "I was busy" is the most bullshit excuse that a man can use." It only takes a minute to pick up a phone to call someone. You could have at least sent a text message!

Him: I don't do text messaging!

Me: You did when we were dating and you wanted to fuck!

Me: You know what, fuck you! I don't even know why I am talking to you right now!

CLICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He called me back 10 minutes later telling me that he really wanted to see me and was wondering if I would drive into the city the next morning. I told him "yes" even though I had no intentions of going.

When he called me the next morning the conversation went like this:

Him: Hey what time are you coming?

Me: I'm not coming?

Him: But you said you would.

Me: Just like you said we were going to lunch Friday.

Him: So you aren't coming?

Me: Nope! Now you know how it feels to be lied to.

Him: CLICK!

Why the hell can't people just do what the hell they say they are gonna do? It makes me wonder if when the make a committment, do they know that they are not gonna keep it?

This is yet another reason why I don't want to date anymore!


Song on Repeat: Do Right Woman, Do Right Man by Aretha Franklin from Aretha's Best Album

Next Post: "I Love Dick. What Does That Make Me?"

Nothing to Blog About

For the first time in almost a year, I have absolutely nothing to blog about. No news, no topics, no personal items. Nothing. I haven't been feeling creative at all (as if I ever was). Maybe I will post again when I have something to post about.