Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I Tried It Again!

So I went a month with no dates and no prospect. I didn't meet anyone new and I turned down any offer. Then I decided that I would try it again. And it was a disaster. This dude was such a disaster that I won't even give him a psuedonym.

I went to The Garden of Eden and started chatting with a brotha that seemed to be pretty cool and from his picture, looked all right. After about 3 days on the computer I gave him my phone number and we chatted for a week before I decided to meet him (plus I wasn't in town). We planned to meet for lunch at Lenox Square on Friday afternoon at 2:30pm.

Strangely, I wasn't excited to meet this dude as I normally am when I meet someone for the first time. I guess I have learned to not expect anything so that I won't be dissapointed. And when I saw him, I was glad that I wasn't expecting anything special. He wasn't as good-looking as he appeared in his pictures and he also looked a whole lot slimmer. Lesson: beware of those whose pictures are taken in the dark. Even though he wasn't truly my type of dude physically, I still wanted to see what he was all about.

We ordered food from Panera Bread and sat down to talk. Initially, I enjoyed the conversation, but after a few minutes, it turned sour. The dialogue turned into a monologue when I asked him to tell me how he found his job. That took 20 minutes! I almost fell asleep with my eyes open. But I did like that fact that he could talk. You don't know how many brothas I have met who I thought were mute. So when this lunch date was over, we decided to go on another date that night. So I told him to call me and I left.

Later on that night when he called me, I asked him what he wanted to do. I honestly wanted to go out and do something. He said that he wanted to just chill at his house and asked me to come over to which I agreed. I asked him if he had a DVD player and he said no. So I assumed that we would just watch TV. He did say that he would order something to eat and I told him that I would like a pizza with pepperoni and sausage. He said that he didn't eat beef or pork. So we compromised and got one with meet and one with vegetables.

When I got there, I did notice that his house was in a nice neighborhood and was really clean. I also noticed that there was minimal furniture. I thought that it wasn't a good sign for a man (36 years of age at that) to have a house that he couldn't or wouldn't furnish. But anyway we sat and listened to some music while we waited on the pizza. When we got it, we sat and talked about random stuff. After we ate, we sat and watched HGTV (which is something that I love to watch). Then he did exactly what I hate for dudes to do. He wanted to get affectionate. This, even after I had explained to him that I don't like to show physical affection until I know someone. I don't like to kiss on the first date. I don't like to hug. I like to keep physical contact to a minimum. But he insisted on hugging me and kissing on my neck. Each time he did it, I would jump as though he had startled me. When he didn't get the hint, I decided that I was ready to go.

At that point, he wanted to show me around his house. I agreed and we headed upstairs. Again I noticed a minimal amount of furniture. The guest bedroom was the only one that was furnished. I asked him how long he had been there and he said that he moved in in October. You should have a furnished home in that amount of time. We went back downstairs to the front door and he moved in for a kiss and a hug. He got a loose hug, but he was not getting a kiss. Hell to the naw! I jumped in my car and left.

The next day he called me twice and w(h)e talked for at least 20 minutes each time. The second call was about 9pm right before I was about to go hang out with some friends. When I told him that I was about to go, he told me to call him later. I said ok and hung up. I think subconsciously I had not intentions of calling him because I didn't call him all night.

The next day he called me and left a message asking why I hadn't called him. I didn't bother to call him because I wanted to sleep and didn't feel like talking. Later that day, I logged onto The Garden again to check messages. He instantly sent me a message asking my why I hadn't called him or returned his call. I told him that I had honestly forgotten to call him because I was hanging with some friends till 6am. He sent me another message saying that I was a liar because I didn't do what I said that I was gonna do and wanted to know why I didn't return his message. HUH? I sent him another message telling him that it was a little to early to be questioning me about anything that I do or to be calling me names. He said that he had seen my true colors. I told him that I had seen his and they showed me that he was a little stalkerish. I then told him that he reminded me of why I had decided to stop dating and to not bother contacting me again.

No, I didn't call him back Friday night. Maybe I was wrong for that, but I was having fun hanging out and he never crossed my mind. But I will be damned if a man is gonna snap on me and expect to see me again after knowing is ass for a week.

I don't know why I keep meeting brothas who just aren't all there. This dude did not look like his picture, insisted on being affectionate, didn't eat beef or pork, didn't have furniture, talked too much, and then snapped at me. I knew from the jump that it wouldn't work in any fashion, but I put some things aside just to see if the "small stuff" really mattered. It does and it matters a lot.

I am honestly tired of dating because I have not even been slightly successful. And I really don't want to stop dating because I like meeting people and going on dates. But I don't want to keep dating these crazy, trifling, ass brothas. So I have a question. Should I continue to meet guys or should I restart my hiatus from dating?

P.S. The items in red are to indicate RED FLAGS that popped up during our interactions.


Blogger Bernie said...

I think you should continue dating, but also set some boundaries. Like don't go to the guy's house, or invite him to yours, on the first date. Have definite plans before you meet up. Set a definite beginning and ending time for the date. If it's a good date you can also schedule a second. If it's going bad, you know it will end eventually. Do things that will give you an opportunity to talk and get to know one another. In other words, do as I say, not as I do.

Good luck.

10:19 PM, June 21, 2006  
Blogger K Kaos said...

Dating is fun man, its basically a trial and error process too, learn from ur mistakes and keep it moving.

10:44 PM, June 21, 2006  
Blogger The Mistress said...

Damn he talked you to death, called you relentlessly, tried to tongue down your entire body on the first date, and he thinks YOU'RE the one with the problem?


1:07 AM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Soulful Real said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:58 AM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Soulful Real said...

Man thought you knew. There are lots of bad apples in Eden's Garden. Your boi was out of line but keep doing you. And there's nothing wrong with having standards.

2:02 AM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Ladynay said...

Without reading the commments I think you should continue to date. There is no harm in seeing what's out there....

P.S. You wasn't sure what that man's money had been looking like so you can't fault him for his place not being decked out, he lived in a decent neighborhood 2? He prolly spends most of his money in rent! LOL

P.S.S. I soooooooooooo feel you on liking people that talk, but not on how tha being all that they do and especially when all that talking is about THEMSELVES! UGH!

8:02 AM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Stone said...

Hey you good to see you man.
P.S you should visit the city. LOL

8:16 AM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Cash S. said...

lol, ya'll will not keep refering to a4a as The Garden of Eden.

I agree with Bernie. Don't stop dating, just set some boundaries. I think you have a good idea as far as keeping your expectations low. Just go out and have fun.

9:20 AM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger kool said...

the boyz of a4a are a trip.....

1:28 PM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger 4GOTTEN1 said...

You should continue dating. That's the only way to find someone. But take it slow and let these kat's reveal themselves to you. After you find the right person all of this will be a good laugh for you. Don't let a few crazy kat's make you stop dating.

6:19 PM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Atasha said...

Hope you don't mind me stopping by. I clicked through so many I lost track and can't tell you exactly through who I found your post. I'm sorry to hear of your awful date. I think you should keep on dating. It's the same for everyone, we try and try and eventually we'll find someone. You are so observant. Next time go with your intuitions and cut that date short. You were sweet to continue the date after all those "warning signs" but Lord I too hated when I'd meet people like that. Talk, talk, talk about me, me, me. It's such a turn off. Good Ridance. He should have booked a date with a mirror! I've met that type a while back and all I can say is "stalker!"

3:37 AM, June 23, 2006  
Blogger antneya said...

Not Adam4Adam... uggghh Norris stay away from that place...

You are such a cool person and by the way you are featured in a media clip for the Film Festival when you came to see my film.

4:14 PM, June 23, 2006  
Blogger That Girl said...

Man, that is tough. I get dudes like that too....hang in there...and never ever talk to him again because at that rate you will be on the morning news.

8:52 PM, June 23, 2006  
Blogger Tim said...

WOW Man. I would continue dating, but absolutely set some boundaries. If a nigga can't live with those boundaries, then consider him "The Weakest Link"!

By the way, remind me (via a private e-mail) to tell you what went down with me this evening....something similar to your case.

3:47 AM, June 24, 2006  
Blogger *Madosi said...

keep dating boo boo ...

don't let nonsense interrupt what it is you want and are looking for.

just be in the moment and enjoy yourself!

10:35 AM, June 26, 2006  
Blogger BuddahDesmond said...

Damn. That was just crazy. That dude was way out of line (and that's putting it mildly). Please don't let the experience with this knucklehead stop you from dating. Someone much better will come along. You'll get what you've been looking for (maybe even more).

Keep your head up!

8:09 PM, June 26, 2006  
Blogger Ty said...

I say continue dating but remember noone is perfect. He may have his faults but talk to him to see why he responded like he did before just writing him off.

P.S. Love that you call A4A the Garden of Eden

9:23 PM, June 26, 2006  
Blogger E said...

I concur with the majority...:-) I didn't realize that A4A was nicknamed Garden of Eden.

10:57 PM, June 26, 2006  

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