I Feel Good All Over

For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am happy with how it's going. I swear that I cannot remember ever feeling like this. For the last couple of hours, I have really been thinking about the fact that although everything isn't going exactly how I want it, i'm happy about life.

I thought about how years ago, I was severely depressed to the point that I wanted to end my life (and almost did). I thought about how I thought that I would never accomplish anything. I thought about how back then, I really didn't appreciate the people in my life because I thought that they didn't appreciate me. I thought about how I was drinking at least a bottle of wine and a glass of cognac EVERYDAY. I thought about how I felt that I would never have enough money to live on. I thought about all the bad shit that WAS going on.

But then I remember that back at the end of 2004, I told myself that I was just gonna be happy. I read a quote from Abraham Lincoln that said that "people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." That's so true. Since that day, I have been actively changing myself so that I could be happy with me. I started a philosophy of "if it makes me happy." The philosophy involved just that. If something made me happy, I did it. If something didn't make me happy, I got rid of it. If I wanted something, I bought it. If I wanted to move somewhere I did.

I think what really changed me was that I realized that I am the only person that can make me happy. Now that I have embraced that concept, I will always be happy with me.