Why?

1. Why is masculinity in men so attractive? It just stirs my soul to see a masculine man in his daily interactions. Not that I have anything against feminine or non-masculine men (so don't even try it with any contrary comment). I have dated and will probably date feminine dudes. But I know that I want my long term partner to be a normally masculine man.

2. Why do I think that I will have an offer from a job that I interviewed for? But more importantly, why am I gonna make them wait for my answer if they offer it. *because I have another job interview on Friday for a position that requires no travel*

3. Why did I get a call from my apartment complex concerning neighbors complaining about his dog? I told the lady that it wasn't my concern because it wasn't my dog. He will have to pay a $500.00 penalty because pitbulls are not allowed. *even though just about everyone in the complex has one*. The only downside is that they may terminate our lease. I don't need any bad marks on my credit report, but it would be good to get out of this lease.

4. Why have I started dressing in casual slacks and sweaters or button downs lately? I have found that I feel more upbeat than when I do the jeans and Timbs.

5. Why am I thinking that I finally want to buy a condo or townhome? Although I know that it still be at least a year and a half away before I actually decide to buy one.

6. Why is "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce the dumbest song of the year? What kind of dude are you dating that you can put all of his ish in one box? And if your other dudel will be there in a minute, doesn't that mean that you were also cheating? The only part of the song that I like is the part where she sings "so since i'm not your everything, how about i'll be nothing".

7. Why the hell is my mobile phone making this loud clicking noise everytime I close it? And why did it shut off for no reason today? Why do I not want to have to buy a new phone?

8. Why am I already looking at apartments in case out lease is terminated?

9. Why is the newest guy that I met also broke like all the rest that I have been meeting? But instead of not dating him, I am gonna see what transpires between us. At least he is taking care of himself and not dependent upon no one elst.

10. Why do I finally know that I am through with VP? No matter what he says or does, there is no way that I would every even entertain the thought of being with him again. Thanks Mashaun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I Doing Something Wrong?????????

For some reason, the closer I get to 30 the more I want to settle down. When I meet a guy, I start examining him from the start to see how we would fit into each other's lives. Within days, I have tried to fit us together like a puzzle. I start envisioning what we will look like taking family portraits, having breakfast on the patio, shopping for a house and ish like that. I even imagine what it will be like to sleep in the bed with and have sex with the dude *I can't believe that I just admitted that* I did this with the last dude that I met and started seeing.

The guy that I mentioned a few lines ago told me that I was going too fast with him. *I really wasn't* I told him about 2 weeks into dating that I really liked him. I then noticed immediately that his phone calls and text messages decreased. He panicked and thought that I was trying to push him into a relationship. *Again I say, I wasn't* I was just expressing how I felt about him.

We had a conversation on Monday that ended up with me telling him that I didn't want to date him anymore. He made it seem like just because I said that I liked him, I was trying to go farther than he wanted to go. He pleaded with me that he wanted to continue to date, but I just can't. I can't continue because I would feel uncomfortable being around or talking to him. I would feel like I had to monitor what I say and do so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. I would feel like I was walking on eggshells to not show affection or express how I felt about him. So, FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!

I'm getting more and more frustrated in the dating game. But you know what, i'm not gonna let that stop me. Even though dating sucks right now, I am gonna keep at it until there isn't a a reason to do it anymore.

Torture

So I open my email and get a message from the person that inspired THIS post. It said "I still care about you and want you". I replied, "it doesn't seem like it".

It seems that the guy that was making VP so happy, actually wasn't all that great.

Blogworld, what do I do about this man?

a.) Should I attempt to start communication again?

b.) Should I forget him all together?

c.) Should I take him day by day and see what happens?


I think that c.) is probably the best choice since the other situation in #10 of THIS post has seemed to stall.

Update 12/3/06

1. I seem to be over my holiday blues. I just decided that I was tired of being depressed and sad about shit that I didn't feel like handling.

2. I have made a final decision to apply to graduate school to pursue an MBA. I would like to continue living in Atlanta while I am in school and luckily I will have plenty of choices in the school that I attend. But Georgia State is my first choice.

3. I had to curse out one of my close friends today. He doesn't have a car and never has any money. Therefore, whenever we go somewhere, I always have to pick him up and usually have to pay for everything. Last night, we had a birthday dinner to go to that started at 8pm. I told him at 4pm that I would pick him up at 7pm so that I could stop by Target and pick up a gift card. When I got there, the fool was still cutting his hair. We didn't leave his house until 7:45pm which put us at the restaurant at 8:25pm. Today, I invited him over for pizza and football. I told him that I would SCOOP him up at 12:30pm so that I could pick up the pizza and it still be hot and fresh. I called him when I was pulling into the complex and told him to come on outside. His reply was "I don't see your car". I screamed out "bring you slow ass on outside and you will." We had a little argument and I almost turned around and put his ass out, but I apologized for screaming at him and we went and watched the game. But after 10 years of him always being broke and being never appreciating what I do for him, I think it's time to reevaluate this friendship.

4. I have realized that I am just unable to save money. It just isn't gonna happen so I am giving up on that. I will just continue to live the way that I have been.

5. I am planning my annual trip to NYC for my birthday the first week in March. In 2005, there were 6 of us there. In 2006, there were 8 of us there. So far 8 people have said that there were gonna go. This year, I promise myself not to shop as much as I did last year.

6. My roommate and I are starting to actually get along again. We started talking to each other again last month. But I still can't wait until these 6 months are up and this lease is over. I think that I am gonna go back to living my myself even if I have to go broke doing so.

7. I went bowling Friday night and had a fucking good ass time. I'm gonna have to do it more often.

8. Speaking of friends, I realized that I don't have many that live in Atlanta. After a year and a half, you would think that I would have met more people. For some reason, the people that I meet want to be more than friends. I ain't got time for that. I think that I want some female friends. My two closest female friends live in Ohio and North Carolina.

9. I have gained 10 of the 20 pounds that I wanted to gain and am now at 180lbs. And guess what? My blood pressure is down to near normal. I guess ole doc knew what she was talking about. The only problem is that a couple pairs of my jeans are getting kinda snug. I may have to stay at 180lbs. Clothes are too damn expensive.

10.I met a dude a month ago that seems to have potential. I didn't tell a soul about him for the first 2 weeks. He's the first guy in a while that I have met where I did say, "I like him, but..." I just like this one. It's funny that he reminds me of myself in a lot of ways.


Question: If you met someone online (don't ya'll get brand new on my) and there was mutual attraction, when would or would you delete your profile?