Dreams Deferred

Well, as surely as it was started it has ended. We were enjoying each other, we formed a relationship and then made the decision to move in together. But i'll be damned if the anything ever works our for me.



Two weeks ago, Nelson informed me that he had been been seeing someone else, but had broken it off soon after. Well, I was shocked, but then again I wasn't. I knew that something had been going on about a month after we moved in together. His demeanor towards me changed. Daily phone calls from work stopped. The multiple daily text messages he would send stopped. My text messages to him went unanswered and he would claim that he didn't get them (I knew he was, but he was deleting them, but his phone kept them in a trash folder. When we laid down to sleep, he wouldn't hug me. The only physical affection I got was a kiss before he went to work. So I knew that something was going on.



About 2 weeks before that fateful day when he finally confessed, I sat him down and expressed my concerns and explained my observations. He insulted my intelligence by proclaiming that he hadn't changed and he had been doing the things that he had been doing before. I let it go until the next week.



I was at my part-time job and got a text that he was going out for his birthday that began at midnight. I was a little pissed because I wanted him to be with me when the clock struck midnight so that I could give him his gift and celebrate with him. I let that go, but my mind kept wondering. Well I woke up at 5:45am and he wasn't there. Me being the person that I am started worrying. I called him 7 times in a 3 hour period. Finally I texted one of his friends and asked where he was. The friend said that Nelson had gotten drunk and was staying at his house. My intuition said that was a crock of shit and to this day I believe that it was.



So I get up and head to renew my driver's license and when I got back home, guess who was there. I asked him why he hadn't called me back after 7 missed calls to let me know that he was ok. He looked to the side and said he didn't call because he would see me when he got home. That's when I knew he was lying. I stared at him in shocked. I once again asked him what the problem was between us and cif he was seeing someone else. He once again lied and said there was no problem and that he wasn't seeing anyone else.



Well we went through his birthday weekend as though things were normal and then a week later he confessed when I asked him again. I wasn't giving up until he told me what the problem was.



He told me that he met some guy (he of course wouldn't tell who the person was) and went on a couple dates with him (he says they never had sexand he never brought the guy to the house). He told me that through that dude he realized that I wasn't the person that he wanted to be with and after the second date with dude, realized the same about him. He summed it up by saying that he just didn't want to be in a relationship anymore.



To say that I was crushed would be an understatement. To be cheated on and dumped is some bullshit. I could go on and on, but I just can't right now because i'm starting to cry all over again.



And that about sums it up. Oh, did I forget to mention that we had signed a yearlong lease and are stuck with each other for 9.5 months?

Moving On Up!!!

Here is the house!!!! I'm so excited about moving in with Nelson (no more aliases needed). We only looked at 4 houses and this one was the first one that we saw. After looking at all of the rest, this was the one that we both agreed on. I wanted the one in the tennis community and he wanted the one that was almost 3000 sq ft. He thought the one in the tennis community was too far away and I thought the 3000 sq ft was too big. So we talked about what we both needed and wanted and this one was the one that stood out!! It's 4br, 2.5ba and about 1900 sq ft. I can't wait to furnish and decorate!!

Update 4/1/2010

Ok, so I have been missing from blogland for quite a while. Don't ask me why, but blogging lost it's luster. I barely even read them anymore. But I think it was a Mary J. Blige kinda thing. As long as I was not so happy, I had something to blog about. Now that happiness is a part of my life, I don't feel like I have as much to talk about.

But anyway...on to the updates of which there aren't many.

1. GE and I are moving in together after only 5 months of dating. Yeah, yeah I know it's soon, but you know what? We love each other and it's something that we are both comfortable with and want to do. I've thought about this for a few weeks and we've discussed it and we have decided to do it. We have decided to lease a house (no more apartments for me) for a year and if things are going well, we will buy one after that.

2. I'm getting closer and closer to getting out of debt. Paying the most I can each month keeps me broke, but I should be credit card debt free within the next 6 months. I'll keep the 2 cards that I use open and pay them off monthly.

3. I have really been enjoying life and making sure that I keep a smile of my face. I learned that happiness is a decision and I decided to be happy. I've been hanging out with my friends a lot more and that has a lot to do with it. They keep my laughing and drinking.

4. After months of speculation, we are about to find out what's happening with my company. Either we will finally work for Hilton or be switched to yet another contract company. There are rumblings that either way we would all be getting pay raises that are competitive with other companies.

5. I still haven't gotten my weight where I want it and i'm back up to 210lbs where I was when I started this blog almost 5 years ago. I just don't have the motivation to work out like I used too. But with this second cruise coming up in October I need to really get on the ball. Luckily it's Spring so I can get back on the tennis court again. And when we move, there will be an LA Fitness right next to the subdivision. Let's hope that helps.

That's all for now, but I wanted to start back on the blog trail and this is something. Let's see if I can post again before the week is over.

Yes...

...I am going to get back into blogging really soon. I just had to take some time to get some things together. But meeting a reader of my blog at a party Saturday has me ready to get back into it.

I've Decided to Purchase...

...a handgun. Yes, i finally made the decision to do it. For years, i've said that I wouldn't get one because I didn't want to ever have to use it, but things have changed. Two weeks ago, I came home to my apartment complex to find 6 police cars outside my building. They were pretty mum on telling us what exactly went on, but I found out that one of my neighbors had been the victim of a home invasion and sexual assault. I'm not sure of all of the details, but as of now, she is doing ok.

So i'm in the market for a handgun and I just have to do some research to find out what kind I should get.

Any suggestion?

For The First Time In My Life...

...I have had the word "nigger" hurled at me from the mouth of a white person. Here's what happened.

I was leaving a gas station waiting to turn left into traffic. Behind me was a white guy driving a black Chevy Tahoe. I guess he thought that I wasn't moving fast enough for me so he tried to go around me. As soon as he turned to go around me, traffic cleared and I pulled out into traffic. I had no idea that I had done something "wrong".

I get to the next traffic light to turn left to get on the interstate and the light is red. I was the second car in line to turn. I noticed the black Tahoe in the right lane next to me waiting to go straight. Just as the light turned green for both of us to proceed, he let's down his window and screams "NIGGER" and floors it away. Because my music was up, I could barely here him, but my eyes could read his mouth clearly.

To my own surprise, I burst out laughing as I made my left turn and laughed for about 10 minutes. I laughed because people still think that calling Black people that word still stings. It may sting to other people, but not me. That doesn't hurt my feelings at all. If you want to hurt my feelings, tell me that I the clearance rack at Banana Republic is gone!

Now I must admit that once I stopped laughing 10 minutes later, I did get upset. I didn't get upset that there are some people who just don't have a clue. They act as though the world still is and always will be ruled by white people. What gave that bastard the idea that he had the privilege to just go around me when I had the right of way. I'm sure if it had been another white person, he wouldn't have tried it. But my second thought was that I am glad that I don't own a firearm. I'm pretty sure that I would have followed his ass and done something regrettable.

But what strikes me as odd is that when I posted this on Facebook, I got a few comments that people feel like occurences of this type don't happen in their parts of the country. I think that people really need to wake up because racism and prejudice occur all over. Recognize and fight it and the world could be a better place.

I Just Realized That...

...whenever I start dating someone consistently I gain weight. I stepped on the scale last week and it read 202lbs. Yes people, I have gained back 10 of the 14 lbs that I lost over the summer.

I thought about way back in college when Dreads and I started dating, I gained weight.

When Chicago and I started dating back in 02, I gained weight.

When VP and I started fucking, I gained weight.

When Hollywood and I started dating I gained weight.

When CC and I started dating, I gained weight.

And now that GE and I have started dating, I have gained weight.

I started wondering why the hell this happens and it didn't take long to figure it out. Most dates include food and drinks. Plain and simple. The other night, GE and I were watching TV and he asked me about 10 times what we were going to eat. He ordered a pizza and wings and we ate most of it. The night before that, we hung out with some of his friends. Between us, we had 6 martinis. He had 4 and I had 2.

And i'm wondering why I have gone back over 200lbs. This shit is going to have to stop. We are going to have to do things that don't involved food and alcohol. I'm going to try to plan dates that involve some kind of physical activity (and sex doesn't count). But hell, what date can you do that involves physical activity?

Any ideas?