On My Mind

1. Have you ever noticed that when some people are miserable in their lives, they do things to make others miserable with them? The may do things unconsciously and not know that they are doing them. I thought about this because of the way that my dad use to treat me. He hated his life and did shit to make my miserable. He wouldn't let me play sports, play with friends, or do anything that would have put a smile on my face.

2. The other day a while I was driving, I stopped at a traffic light. As I always do, I looked around me. When I looked to my left, I saw a young white woman lock her doors. As many times as this has happened to me, it shouldn't bother me anymore. But each time it happens, I get pissed off. But in this instance, I just locked mine and put a terrified look on my face. Sometimes I really hate being stereotyped. Shit like this makes me feel as though I should have robbed and attacked her stupid ass.

3. Why is dating so hard? Hollywood and I have had 3 serious arguments already. The first one occured because he believed that something that someone else told him. He found out that a guy he used to date is a friend of mine. So he said that I may have dated someone that he know. He asked me if I knew a person named "D" and I told him that I did not know that person. Well the next day, he asked "D" if he and I had ever fucked around. In true sissy fashion, "D" refused to answer the question and just laughed. Hollywood asked him again and he repeated the action. So Hollywood calls me at 3 in the morning upset and yelling at me asking me again if I knew "D". I told him that I didn't know any fucking body named "D". So he described the dudes car, where he went to school, and where he lives. A light bulb came on at that moment and I told Hollywood that his name is "T" and not "D" and that the bastard and I never had sex or dated or anything like that. "T" or "D" or whatever he wants to be called these days has a history of lying. He lied and told me ex-boyfriend current boyfriend that me and the ex were still having sex. If I see "T", I have no idea what I may do to him.

4. Why the hell did Progressive charge me $2200 a year for car insurance, but 21st Century only charges me $1140? I still live in the same place, have the same car, and have the same credit history. I don't get it, but you can best believe that I switched to 21st Century.

5. Have you ever had the urge to just slap the shit out of someone? Hollywood and I were at a restaurant last week and one of the servers started flirting with him. The devil in my said to get up and slap this lust out of the dude. But the angel said to just watch and see how Hollywood would react. I saw him giving the dude a look and I checked his ass on it. He said that the dude always flirts with him when he goes there. Well, even though we aren't a couple yet and are still in "current interest" state, that shit can't happen. It's just disrespectful.

6. I had a wonderful weekend hanging out with Beatmug and his boyfriend, and Hollywood. We went out to eat, drink, a birthday party, mini-race car driving, Piedmont park, and to a club. It was cool hanging with Beatmug since I hadn't seen him in 3 months.

7. I am moving to a new apartment next month. At issue is whether to hire movers or to rent a truck and do it myself. Hiring movers will cost about $500 if I include a tip. Renting a truck and doing it myself will cost about $90 and I can do it on my own time. I'm still not sure what I want to do. But I have been advised to just hire a truck and hire some Mexican day-laborers to move it for me. I don't think that I will do that. It just doesn't seem right.

8. I have gained 13 pound over the last 2 months and I can clearly see it. On my birthday, I weighed in at 180lbs and now I weigh 193lbs. I attest this quick weight gain to dating. Hollywood and I have been out to eat and drink at least 3 times a week. Looks like it's time to go back on a diet.

9. My boss still hasn't said anything about a raise and has not answered the 2 emails that I have sent to him. I think that it's time to start looking for another job. I have worked my ass off for the last year to learn to do all of these projects and think that I am due for a pay increase. If I don't get it by May 21st, I will started spreading my resume around.

10. My family is planning a trip to Orlando in June. They are planning to rent a timeshare home with 6 bedrooms. Each of my brothers is bringing his wife or girlfriend and their children. Am I going? Hell no. I will not be left to be a babysitter while they go out and harty-hearty. Hell to the no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In addition to that, I don't want to be the only single person their.

Better Left Unsaid

In the past I use to say whatever was on my mind no matter if it made someone upset, pissed them off, or offended them. I honestly didn't care. I felt like letting people know how I felt about things was the most important thing. But as I have gotten older, I have learned that some things are just better left unsaid. In other words, I shut the fuck up when my mind says "shut the fuck up."

I wrote this post because a blogger (this one) left a comment on my post about my Current Interest. It reads as follows.

"And, what's so diffrent about this one? Something tell (sic) me in a few weeks we will be reading why this one did not work out..look from within.."

Now when I first read it, I just brushed it off. But then I left a comment my damn self because I kept asking myself, "was that comment really necessary"? I read all of the other comments and they mostly were of the encouraging type. I'm cool with those. But this particular comment just smelled of negativity. I just couldn't understand why he left it until I read his blog. So I left a comment of my own.

"This one is different because he is taking a very active role in getting to know me. He is paying attention to my actions and reactions and learning from them. And I am doing the same with him.

And if in a few weeks, you are hearing that it didn't work out, then oh well. I just didn't work out."

I know that I have dated many guys trying to find one with whom I am compatible, so I know my track record. I date to find what I want and don't want in a dude. If I am dating someone and I see that it isn't working out, I stop dating him. It's a simple as that. And in my almost 2 years of blogging, I have posted about my experiences with most of them. But this is the first comment of this type that I have gotten. Believe me when I say that it took me for a loop.

Now granted, he wasn't obliged to leave an encouraging message, but damn, did he have to imply that I am not capable of dating someone longer than a few weeks and the "problem" is me. Maybe I am not capable of dating long term and the problem is me, but like I said, some things are just better left unsaid. I make it a point not to leave negative or discouraging comments on others' blogs. Why rain on someone's parade?

I say all this to point to an old adage that says "If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all".

My Current Interest

I've been keeping a secret from everyone for about 2 weeks. There is a current romantic interest in my life (I stole the current interest label from B-Free). I decided to keep him a secret because I get tired of people thinking that I jump from man to man (I kinda do, but it's by choice).

His name will be Hollywood from this point on. We actually met online and chatted for a few weeks before he decided that we should meet. I say that HE decided that we should meet because I really had no intentions of meeting him or anyone else. One day he called me and invited me out to get something to eat. I agreed because this was the first dude in a while that wanted to do something outside of the house. I took that as a good sign.

It's been 2 weeks since we met in person and the dude has really wowed me. This is the FIRST dude that I have met that has answered his phone EVERY time that I have called and returned EVERY text message that I have sent. I am amazed. He is also the FIRST dude that has an interest in talking about what we both want. He is all about compatibility just as I am. That's a good thing. He has also amazed me because he DOES want to go out on dates. When one date is over, we are planning the next. And I think that he has something up for me this weekend because he keeps asking me if I have to work on Sunday.

The only issue that we may have is that Hollywood is a flight attendant and I am an implementation specialist. In other words, we both travel quite frequently. But that won't be a problem because we are both cool with it. It means that we won't see each other when we want to, but when we do see each other it will be cool.

So even though everything is going well and he has passed the 2 week longevity test, I am sticking to my policy of not expecting anything and not getting excited. We will see what happens.

In the words of Jay-Z, "Welcome to Hollywood Baby"

Speaking the Truth!

This was funny as hell, but she was speaking some truth.

Imus, Imus, Imus

This post doesn't have a direction, it's just to get some shit off my chest about this Imus bullshit.

Imus's ass should have been fired a long time ago. If I were to say something like that on my J-O-B then I would be fired on the spot and sent packing. He and his accomplice were wrong for saying what they said on national radio. Did they not know that there would be consequences? But the reason that Imus was fired is not what he said, but because he lost sponsorship Old Boss upstairs couldn't care less what Imus says as long as he doesn't lose money.

In fact, I am glad that Tim Hardaway, Ann Coulter, and Don Imus have spoken their minds. It just reminds people that there are still discriminatory people in the world. People have started wearing rose-colored glasses thinking and believing that all is well and that there is no discrimination or hatred. These 3 people have shown us that we gaven't gotten far. If not for laws and regulations, we as black people would still be living by Jim Crow laws. Don't believe me, ask Mr. Imus if he would like to be able to tell one of those "jiggaboos" to move from a table that he wants in a restaurant.

The reason that we as minorities are allowed to make fun of white people with no fanfare is simple. We don't hate them and internalize it like they do us. When white people attempt to poke fun at black folk for our ways and customs, they do it with malice. Not humor.

I do not look at a white man with disdain or a white woman with contempt in my heart. But when a white man looks at me, I wonder what's he thinking of me. If I get on an elevator and a white woman get's on after me, I get off. For the most part, I think that white people hate or at least don't like minorities. They are scared of us because they don't understand our culture. They are scared of us because they are not exposed to us. Have you ever noticed how little white children will stare at you for hours when they see you? Watch one of them one day.

As much as I travel, I see this shit all of the time. White people honestly feel that their race makes them better than us. And this is a worldwide phenomenon. Ask Thierry Henry of the French National soccer team how many times he has been insulted with racial epithets in European countries. As your minority neighbor how may instances of discrimination they have witness to or been a victim of this year. See what they say.

This shit is never going to end because white people won't let go of the stereotypes and beliefs that have long ago been proven as bullshit. No matter what we do, the will still see a "nigger" when they see a Black person. They will still see a "spic" when they see a Hispanic person. They will still see a "kike" when they see a Jewish person. They will still see a "chink" when they see an Asian person. They will still see a "towel head" when they see a Middle Eastern person. This shit ain't gonna end.

Debt Diet

Like most people that I know or know of, I am not the best when it comes to money. Time and time again, I have tried to save money and have some savings to fall back on if needed. I was succesful in that only once back in 2004. Well, I am about to hit 30 years old in 11 months and it's past time to get serious about my finances. There are certain things that I want to accomplish that just aren't gonna happen if I continue my spending and no-saving habits.

I'm not broke my any means. But I am living from paycheck to paycheck and that just won't do anymore. It's high time that I start saving some money. So the whole purpose of this debt diet is to cut back on luxuries so that I can put money in the bank and not have to touch it.

So I decided to enroll in my own debt diet. I first heard about a debt diet watching the one and only, Ms Oprah Winfrey. I was watching this show and heard about a woman who was able to save $13000 in one year by cutting out all unnecessary things from her budget. She didn't go to the movies, she didn't go out to eat, she didn't spend money on anything that wasn't a necessity. Now I don't think that I could sacrifice that much, but I realized that I do have to sacrifice from now on.

Granted, I do have bills that can't be avoided, such as housing, car, insurance, and other fixed bills. But I think that my eating out, driving all over the place, clubbing and drinking, and things of that nature may just need to be cut back. For instance, I went out on Sunday evening to Django and set a budget of $20. Normally I would just get $40 from the ATM and tell myself that I will only spend $20. But of course, I end up spending it all. This time, I only spent the $20 that I got. When I left the club, I felt as though I had just as good a time as if I spent $100. I have also found out that I feel just as good when I cook instead of going out to eat. Lessons have been learned.

So I have set April 15th to be the beginning of my debt diet. I am not gonna have to cut out little habits like picking up things that I really don't need. I am gonna have to cut out treating friends to dinner or a night on the town. I am gonna have to stop feeling like I have to have cash in my pocket. I am gonna have to stop buying lottery tickets. I am gonna have to decrease haircuts to every 10 days instead of every seven.

I'm gonna have to do a lot of sacrificing, but the biggest sacrifice is gonna be my time. I'm getting a part time job at a hotel. I talked with the Assistant General Manager of the hotel I was working at last week and he said that I could come work for part-time. I thought about being a subsitute teacher, but they only allow people to start at the beginning of the school year in August. But I am gonna apply to start then.

In addition I am due for a raise on my job. I will be talking with my boss tomorrow about this. I have been at this job for 1 year and am able to do 5 of the 6 projects that we have. There are people that have been there for 5 or 6 years and are still only doing one. I think that I deserve to be properly rewarded for my achievement.

So wish me luck as I embark on this debt diet. I don't have a lot of will power when it comes to money, so i'm gonna need all the luck I can get. And speaking of luck, I think that I may just buy one last lottery ticket.

Repost "The Best Sex I Ever Had"

I originally post this wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back in September of 2005. But Reddmann inspired me to repost this one.


I have been thinking about this post for a while. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to post it because I felt that it didn't have any depth and would add nothing to my blog. But, it's been on my mind to write about it for a few days. Ladies, if sex between two men offends you, stop reading when you finish the 5th paragraph.

I met TBSIEH at a club on one of my many trips to Atlanta with BeatMug (my best friend). We were being rich that weekend and got a suite at the Embassy Suites Atlanta Perimeter so that each of us could have our own room. Now actually, BeatMug saw him first and mentioned to me that he was sexy as hell. I agreed, but he was kinda short (he is 5'9" and I am 6'2") so I really didn't pay him any attention. Then BeatMug asked me to go over and tell TBSIEH that he wanted to holla at him. So, that's what I did. They talked for a few minutes and then we left to get something to eat at 4am. After we left the diner, BeatMug invited him back to the hotel with him (thank goodness for suites). I thought that they would be tearing the room up having sex, but they sat up all night talking loudly and keeping me up. At the end of the day, they didn't do anything and only spoke on the phone once after that.

Fast forward a year later and I was back in Atlanta with BeatMug and we ran into TBSIEH at another club. He and BeatMug talked for a minute and then BeatMug came back and told me that TBSIEH wanted to holla at me. I was like "huh, ain't that the dude that you met once and never talked to again." Anyway, TBSIEH and I talked for a minute and he told me that I was really the one that he wanted to talk to when he and BeatMug met, but he didn't think that I would be interested in him. We talked and exchanged numbers and he promised to call me the next day so that we could go out.

The next day he called me and asked me to come over to his crib and I obliged. For some reason, sex never even crossed my mind (that's the honest to God truth). When I arrived at his house, he was dressed in some basketball shorts and a tank top. All I saw was chest, ass, arms, and dick. And that was the moment that sex crossed my mind. The man was sexy as hell.We went into his bedroom to watch TV because he had just moved in and had no living room furniture. We ended up talking for about 2 hours and he told me that he was really attracted to me. I told him the same. He was a cool cat for real. In the most innocent voice, he ask me to have sex with him. I thought about it for a minute and said yes.

NOW FOR THE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the best damn feeling that my body had ever felt. And this was before I even had an orgasm. Front the start, he got out a condom and some lube. I noticed that it was a flavored condom, so I decided to put it on him with my tongue. If you have never done that, practice doing it with a banana or cucumber, not on a dick, cause you gone fuck it up the first time. After I put the condom on his dick (and yes it was thick and long) I rocked his mic for a few minutes. Most times when a guy enjoys oral sex, he is silent or may moan a little. TBSIEH was loud and expressive, just like I am when I am getting some head, and just the way that I like them to be. He was grabbing my head, grabbing the sheets, and moaning like he was gonna bust real soon. That shit was turning me on like whoa! It made me want to be penetrated like I had never wanted to before.

After about 10 minutes of sucking his dick, I was ready for some dick. I can't even explain how badly he made me want it. You just have to imagine it. I got on my back and he put my legs in the air and he started to penetrate me. I was trying to relax because we know how it can be if you don't. Not an issue here. I was feigning for this man, so my body accepted him with no issues. He started with a long stroke, moving in and out really slowly. Already, I was going out of my mind. Out of all the times that I have had sex, I had never felt the feeling that TBSIEH was giving me. It felt like I was having an orgasm already, but I wasn't. But my body felt like it was melting. That's the only way that I can describe it. I felt this feeling all over my body. From my feet to my head and especially in my ass. He was still long stroking, but had picked up his pace. I looked into his face and all I could see was pure pleasure. I knew that he was enjoying it too. Mind you, it had probably been about 10 minutes since the initial penetration. Most times it's over by this point.

We then changed positions so that I was riding him (my second favorite position. It felt kinda ackward because he was so much shorter than me, but oh well, (good) sex is (good) sex. Once I put him back inside of me, that look of pleasure returned to his face and to mine. That feeling returned and my body started shaking, but I still wasn't having an orgasm. I had never felt it before, but I wasn't complaining. I didn't want it to stop. I was riding that man like no other. The whole time, I was squeezing my ass with each up and down or back and forth motion. (Kagel Exercises do pay off for men and women). Each time that I squeezed, his face would grimace and he would push harder. I knew that he was enjoying it just as much as I was.

We then changed positions again. This time, he stood by the side of the bed and I lay on the edge of the bed on my back. He entered my body again and went to work. He never did that thing were men just push in and pump. He had a constant in/out motion (fellas take a hint here). All I could do was moan, scream and holla. It had been about 30 minutes since the initial penetration and he was still going strong. But the look on his face and his pace told me that he was working for a nut. So I started the Kagel's again. I also grabbed my dick and started jacking. After about 3 more minutes, my body started convulsing and I started screaming "i' coming, i'm coming!" As soon as I said that, he screamed the same thing. I grabbed the sheets for leaverage and I had the orgasm of my life. Nut went everywhere. All over both of us and the bed. I guess that was all that he needed. He started screaming like a baboon and roaring like a lion. His body started shaking and he started nutting. He never pulled out,but kept right on stroking until he just fell on top of me. We were both still kinda jumping and twitching for a few minutes before either of us could move. We laid there for about 5 minutes before we got up.

We had no choice but to take a shower and that's what we did. A long, hot shower we both needed because we both were drenched in sex sweat. After the shower, he changed the sheets and bedspread and we laid back down for a minute. He then got up and cooked some breakfast foods even though it was 2 in the afternoon. After we ate, I got up to leave, but he asked me to stay. We then just laid in the bed and eventually fell asleep holding each other.I needed the sleep after the assault my body had just taken.Afte I got back home to Birmingham, we talked on the phone a lot, but neither one wanted to get serious because of the distance thing. I certainly wasn't gonna do the long distance thing again. But a few weeks later, I did make another weekend trip to Atlanta.

Anybody wanna know what happeded?