Friday, April 20, 2007

Better Left Unsaid

In the past I use to say whatever was on my mind no matter if it made someone upset, pissed them off, or offended them. I honestly didn't care. I felt like letting people know how I felt about things was the most important thing. But as I have gotten older, I have learned that some things are just better left unsaid. In other words, I shut the fuck up when my mind says "shut the fuck up."

I wrote this post because a blogger (this one) left a comment on my post about my Current Interest. It reads as follows.

"And, what's so diffrent about this one? Something tell (sic) me in a few weeks we will be reading why this one did not work out..look from within.."

Now when I first read it, I just brushed it off. But then I left a comment my damn self because I kept asking myself, "was that comment really necessary"? I read all of the other comments and they mostly were of the encouraging type. I'm cool with those. But this particular comment just smelled of negativity. I just couldn't understand why he left it until I read his blog. So I left a comment of my own.

"This one is different because he is taking a very active role in getting to know me. He is paying attention to my actions and reactions and learning from them. And I am doing the same with him.

And if in a few weeks, you are hearing that it didn't work out, then oh well. I just didn't work out."

I know that I have dated many guys trying to find one with whom I am compatible, so I know my track record. I date to find what I want and don't want in a dude. If I am dating someone and I see that it isn't working out, I stop dating him. It's a simple as that. And in my almost 2 years of blogging, I have posted about my experiences with most of them. But this is the first comment of this type that I have gotten. Believe me when I say that it took me for a loop.

Now granted, he wasn't obliged to leave an encouraging message, but damn, did he have to imply that I am not capable of dating someone longer than a few weeks and the "problem" is me. Maybe I am not capable of dating long term and the problem is me, but like I said, some things are just better left unsaid. I make it a point not to leave negative or discouraging comments on others' blogs. Why rain on someone's parade?

I say all this to point to an old adage that says "If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all".

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Anonymous Steve said...

Hi N. Your point is taken. It's easy to bring someone down with a stinging comment, even to do so unintentionally.

I wouldn't freak about it, though. His point, considered from a certain perspective, is very true. I think your blog is about that very concept. It's why you titled it "Getting myself together." I don't personally see his comment as a slam, even if he intended it to be. In the time I've followed your blog, you seem to be making a conscious effort to better yourself, and to understand the forces at work in your life, and to try to find happiness. We would all be better if we did the same thing.

I know I review my own failed relationships from time to time, and there are some common threads. In all these relationships, however, the only consistent thread is myself. So I have to conclude there is something there to examine. Somewhat like you, I think I'm settling for the wrong guy, and I've determined I'm not going to do that so easily this time.

Anyway, just don't let it get you down. You get so many good comments from supportive people. Take them all in the balance.

Keep on!

11:24 PM, April 20, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My comment is not meant to be negative or discouraging, you must internalize for yourself why you took it that way. I will respond to your Blog in my blog. I think this is becoming a problem. People wanting their friends to make them feel better about their fuck ups...or people who want thier friend to wallow in self pitty with them.

12:02 AM, April 21, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

Okay...the deal is simple... we share on our blogs (some of us more than others... God knows I share too darn much sometimes) and by doing so we open ourselves up to both the positive and negative criticism. To be honest, sometimes the negative (or what appears to be negative) can give a different insight into things. In the end, most of the blogger comments on our pages are from folks who don't really know us... so hold your head up, do your thing and take it with a grain of salt. Shoot if he read my blog he'd think that every guy I date is the next King of Sodom, until he checks in the week after...LOL... Keep your head up pa... and just roll with the punches. :)

1:23 AM, April 21, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see both sides of this however, there are somethings like the title says that are better left unsaid. Simply because I'm sure the author of this blog knows their short comings, they may or not be struggling to get themselves together and the comment made (whether it be true or not) may not have needed to be said. someone said when we blog we open ourselves up to both the positive and the negative and some have good intentions when they point out ya negatives. I know I'm rambling however, sometimes when the obvious is we really have to add our stamp to it or can we just nod and move on?

8:25 PM, April 21, 2007  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Thank you anonymous. I couldn't have said it better myself.

11:49 AM, April 22, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

Like CocoaRican said...when we post, we run several risks. Sometimes cool people will find your blog, become a fan, and a loyal reader. Then you'll get those who just want to spread negativity.

Don't let anyone rain on your parade. Keep on posting and keep enjoying the new guy in your life.

3:31 PM, April 25, 2007  
Blogger E said...

Man I can't even think of how many lemons I've dated over the years before finally finding the guy for me. And it's like you said, both of us are trying to get to know each other and despite our imperfections, are doing everything to try to make things work out.

You'll find your prince charming. I mean if I can...*LOL*.

As for comments, I try to take them with a grain of salt. I haven't had too many negative ones but the ones that I have, I usually evaluate it to see if it has any merit and then move on to the next topic.

8:53 PM, April 26, 2007  

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