I Don't Understand How...
...some people think. I really can't figure them out. I know i'm not perfect, but I at least think about things before I do them. Here's what inspired this post.
Wednesday, a friend of mine (Friend A) said that he wanted to go get something to drink. I was tired and sore from working out at the gym, so I suggested we go Thursday instead to which he said "cool". I also called another friend of mine (Friend B) and invited him also since the 3 of us were kinds making this hanging out a habit. We were to meet at 8:30pm at Joe's On Juniper to have a few drinks and some wings.
So Thursday comes and about 8:00pm I was just about to walk out the door. Something told me to confirm the time. So I text Friend A to confirm the time with him. I get a text back that said "I'm at the gym in Camp Creek, i'll text you when I get to my car." Now I sat back down and started thinking that if you were to meet people at 8:30 why would you be at a gym 20 miles from your house at 8:00? I didn't understand it.
I get a text from Friend B asking what time to meet and I explain to him the situation. He says cool. He's going to take a shower and to call him back with a new time. So I just suggested then that we just meet there at 9 to give him time to get his shower and make it to the restaurant. I sent Friend A a text telling him to just meet us at the restaurant when he could.
So I got in my car at 8:30 so that I could get to Midtown and find a place to park and go ahead and get a table. I made it there and rode around looking for a parking space before I found one around the corner. Something told me not to get out of the car, so I sat there for a while on the phone talking to my new boo (not Tuscany; that's over). I look up at the clock and it's 9:15. So I called Friend B to see how far away he is. He didn't answer. At that point, my mind told me to just drive back home. So I sent him a text saying "I just wanted to know how far away you are so that I don't get a table too soon". I get one back saying "Oh, i'm just getting dressed". I sent one back saying, "I'm just going to head home. I don't feel like waiting another hour". And I started my car and start driving home pissed off.
About 5 minutes into my drive Friend A called me and said that he was about 20 minutes away. I told him that I was just heading home because I was no longer in the mood to be around anyone. Of course I told him about himself and reminded him what ADVANCED NOTICE is when you are altering plans. His excuse for being late: He got free 1-day passes to go to the gym with his co-workers and wanted to use it. Really? So you wait to go the gym at 7:30 when you are supposed to meet your friends at 8:30? Really.
While talking to him, Friend B calls and without even telling Friend A, I just swapped calls (yeah I know it was rude) and started getting Friend B together. He asked me to come back because he was on his way and told me that I texted him initially he was just getting home and needed time to unwind. I asked him why the hell couldn't he have just said that before I got in my fucking car and drove 20 damn miles for him to be at home unwinding!!!!!!!
Maybe I just overreacted, but if you tell me a time for something, that's when I will be ready to do it. If I can't do something or will be late, i'll give you as much notice as possible. I always thought that this was common courtesy. But I guess it isn't all that common.
I've always been courteous to people and I always keep my word when I say that I will do something. But it's getting to the point that I feel that I am being taken for granted. I refuse to feel that way anymore. I'm tired of being the good one who everyone can rely on, but having no one to rely on for myself. I'm sick of it.
I guess my issue is that because I always keep my word to do something or give plenty of notice that I can't, I expect other people to be just as responsible. Well I was always told that if you never expect anything, you won't be disappointed.
So I guess what i'll do is treat people how I am treated. I'll start committing to events and happenings and not show up or be extremely late. I'll stop returning emails, text messages, and phone calls. I'll stop jumping up to help people when they need something. I'll stop being a shoulder to cry on when a boyfriend has them crying. I'll just be a bitch when I don't need to.
Since no one notices the good shit about me, let's see how soon they can notice the bad.
Wednesday, a friend of mine (Friend A) said that he wanted to go get something to drink. I was tired and sore from working out at the gym, so I suggested we go Thursday instead to which he said "cool". I also called another friend of mine (Friend B) and invited him also since the 3 of us were kinds making this hanging out a habit. We were to meet at 8:30pm at Joe's On Juniper to have a few drinks and some wings.
So Thursday comes and about 8:00pm I was just about to walk out the door. Something told me to confirm the time. So I text Friend A to confirm the time with him. I get a text back that said "I'm at the gym in Camp Creek, i'll text you when I get to my car." Now I sat back down and started thinking that if you were to meet people at 8:30 why would you be at a gym 20 miles from your house at 8:00? I didn't understand it.
I get a text from Friend B asking what time to meet and I explain to him the situation. He says cool. He's going to take a shower and to call him back with a new time. So I just suggested then that we just meet there at 9 to give him time to get his shower and make it to the restaurant. I sent Friend A a text telling him to just meet us at the restaurant when he could.
So I got in my car at 8:30 so that I could get to Midtown and find a place to park and go ahead and get a table. I made it there and rode around looking for a parking space before I found one around the corner. Something told me not to get out of the car, so I sat there for a while on the phone talking to my new boo (not Tuscany; that's over). I look up at the clock and it's 9:15. So I called Friend B to see how far away he is. He didn't answer. At that point, my mind told me to just drive back home. So I sent him a text saying "I just wanted to know how far away you are so that I don't get a table too soon". I get one back saying "Oh, i'm just getting dressed". I sent one back saying, "I'm just going to head home. I don't feel like waiting another hour". And I started my car and start driving home pissed off.
About 5 minutes into my drive Friend A called me and said that he was about 20 minutes away. I told him that I was just heading home because I was no longer in the mood to be around anyone. Of course I told him about himself and reminded him what ADVANCED NOTICE is when you are altering plans. His excuse for being late: He got free 1-day passes to go to the gym with his co-workers and wanted to use it. Really? So you wait to go the gym at 7:30 when you are supposed to meet your friends at 8:30? Really.
While talking to him, Friend B calls and without even telling Friend A, I just swapped calls (yeah I know it was rude) and started getting Friend B together. He asked me to come back because he was on his way and told me that I texted him initially he was just getting home and needed time to unwind. I asked him why the hell couldn't he have just said that before I got in my fucking car and drove 20 damn miles for him to be at home unwinding!!!!!!!
Maybe I just overreacted, but if you tell me a time for something, that's when I will be ready to do it. If I can't do something or will be late, i'll give you as much notice as possible. I always thought that this was common courtesy. But I guess it isn't all that common.
I've always been courteous to people and I always keep my word when I say that I will do something. But it's getting to the point that I feel that I am being taken for granted. I refuse to feel that way anymore. I'm tired of being the good one who everyone can rely on, but having no one to rely on for myself. I'm sick of it.
I guess my issue is that because I always keep my word to do something or give plenty of notice that I can't, I expect other people to be just as responsible. Well I was always told that if you never expect anything, you won't be disappointed.
So I guess what i'll do is treat people how I am treated. I'll start committing to events and happenings and not show up or be extremely late. I'll stop returning emails, text messages, and phone calls. I'll stop jumping up to help people when they need something. I'll stop being a shoulder to cry on when a boyfriend has them crying. I'll just be a bitch when I don't need to.
Since no one notices the good shit about me, let's see how soon they can notice the bad.
Labels: Rant, Self-Assessment
posted by That Dude Right There at
4/10/2009 10:22:00 AM
12 Comments:
I think you are well within your right to be unsettled by this scenario. It is disrespectful to agree on a day and time and then casually not honor it. And worse, what would have happened if you had not called them. Apparently, they have friends or associates who do not hold them accountable to holding up their end of an agreement. This is not acceptable and you need to set some boundaries with them so that this will not happen again. You need to explain to them how disrespectful it is, and also how it makes you feel.
I agree with you, and personally can't stand when people do it. I don't think you over reacted, or were out of line one bit.
Ooh do we have the same friends. I went through this and I am the one who is always on time. I felt like a fool sometimes but I learned to chill and give back a taste of medicine to all of them.
Now I pick places where I can sit at the bar and at least flirt with the bartender while the "girls" take their time to get to the bar or restaurant. I am never mad and I don't expect much from them so no disappointment.
I'm not saying you are wrong for how you felt. Just saying that you have to know people and act accordingly. I have a brother who says 5 minutes which means 40. I know how to deal with him.
Same thing happened to me recently, only I waited for an hour before heading home.
I don't think you overreacted at all. They underreacted, if anything.
I think you are completely in the right. As we mature, we should recognize that the teenage behavior of being inconsiderate with folks' time will not be tolerated. There's nothing to be sorry for and you didn't overreact. Hey, you did more than I would have done. I don't think I would've changed the meeting time, called AND texted follow-ups. Move on to more considerate hang-out partners. Time is a-wastin'!
Like BPS 4.0 : Soul Exposure says, know who your friends are and you won't be surpised by their actions or have to second guess your own reactions.
Yea u "always" keep ur word...boy boo
Yeah, i wouldn't hang out with anyone who can't think beyond themselves. There are other people out there who would appreciate your courteousness... people just suck sometimes.
Well if it means anything I would show up on time.
Cardinal Rule Number 2: Never ever hangout with more than one other good good friend. Then there's Rule Number One: Always do you and leave out the need to be with a clique and their mess...
I think that people really don't see themselves... I think you are in your right too....I have more to say on this later!
Norris...you are so preaching to the choir. I'm one that says if I'll be there at 8:30, then I'll be there at 8:30. I hate when I make plans with folks and then they waltz in an hour or two late. One thing I'll say about my ex-Rock, despite our issues, I credit him with at least being a prompt person. If he says he'll be there at a certain time, he usually is and if he can't, he'll give you advance notice. Apparently it's hard to find that basic quality in folks.
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