Thursday, January 29, 2009

After 5 Years of...

...having online "dating" accounts, I decided that it was time to get rid of them. "Why did you do that?", some may ask. I did it because it's a part of my plan to get rid of things that aren't doing me any real good.


When I sat back and thought about it, I realized that I spent countless hours on A4A and M4N when I could have been using that time to do something more constructive. I could have spent those hours volunteering. I could have spent those hours in the gym. I could have spent those hours with my family and friends. I could have spent those hours getting better at my job. I could have been doing something that was beneficial to my life.


But in all honesty, I thought that I was doing just that. I thought that I would meet the man that I would build and maintain a relationship with. Alas, I didn't. What I did get was a plenty of one-night stands that could and should have been no-night stands. I also got a bunch of heartache from a few of the guys that I attempted to date. Now I can't say that everything was bad. I did meet a few guys that actually knew what a date was, but nothing ever came after that. And I met 1 person who I can now consider a dear friend.


I guess it seemed like meeting a guy online was easier to do. I didn't have to leave the house. I didn't have to spend any money. I didn't have to do anything but login, select a dude, and say hello. It made dating so easy. Or so I thought. The problem was that I would start chatting with 1 dude and get get intrigued, only to start chatting with another dude and get the same feeling. It made it seem like there was always something better one click away. Then on other times, I would see a dude out and about that I was attracted to. I wouldn't say anything to him there, but if I saw him online, I would strike up a conversation. Being shy and scared is so unbecoming that I always felt ashamed when I did that.


But on Monday, I decided that it was not working for me. I would spend hours chatting with dudes never to meet them. I chose not to meet most of them because I could see that they weren't what I wanted. And after you realize that most guys are internet liars you start to get tired of it. They are one thing online, but something totally different in person. I've met quite a few dudes who aged 5 years, or gained 50 pounds, or their dicks shrunk from the time between us chatting to us meeting. Or worse yet, the guys who have no picture but want to meet you. Why guys have to lie or deceive I never will understand. But I don't have to worry about that anymore.


The online profiles are gone and so are the problems and issues that go along with them. So long!!

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17 Comments:

Blogger Pharaoh said...

Dude,
I HEAR YOU! I did it too. I was away from online dating for 2 years. I felt free. I read a lot of books then.

After a while, the loneliness caught up. The hormones kick in. The lack of options become apparent. Something in you waivers. A about a month ago I learned about BGC.com I think I have a different perspective now. I have had some good conversations with some guys.

I don't think I will be on it too much longer....I have no intention of carring it into 2010.

I say that because I sincerely you you avoid the trap I found myself in, and if you do PLEASE SHARE! =)

2:51 AM, January 30, 2009  
Blogger ShawnQt said...

CONGRADULATIONS, I COMMEND YOU, FOR REAL!

SOMETIMES ITS JUST NOT WORTH IT.

10:51 AM, January 30, 2009  
Blogger life said...

It seems like you've made a good move. Hopefully, you will use the time to become more productive as you stated.

2:33 PM, January 30, 2009  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

Good. Good riddance to them damn things. They're the devil.

3:04 PM, January 30, 2009  
Blogger jaila said...

I see u ova here gettin all grown sugaplum...I like it :-)

10:02 PM, January 30, 2009  
Blogger BPS 3.0 : Dallas said...

No complaints about this action. You are so right about this one, Good move.

12:27 AM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger iKensington said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:59 AM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger iKensington said...

So eloquently said. I have a love-hate relationship with BGC and A4A...I delete my accounts and a short while later, when boredom erupts, I create another. It is crazy though..the lies, the useless idealism, everyone looking for "something real" when in actuality its most likely an ILLUSION. I would say that with restraint, one can function with them. But when they are gone, it does allow an individual who truly aspires to be whole to encounter new beauty in the flesh...and most often, to grow himself.

4:00 AM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger houstonmacbro said...

I don't judge people that use those services, but it is probably a good thing to ditch some (or all) of them.

Hopefully you'll meet someone the good old fashioned way: at the gym, the barber shop (yes, the barber shop!), Home Depot (you'd be surprised), or the good old fashioned standby ... church.

Hope that was good for a chuckle or two.

9:28 AM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger Troy N. said...

(shouts Halelujah! And does one ole happy-joy-happy dance.)Luvin' the new you..

1:28 PM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger C. Baptiste-Williams said...

i think all things are whatever you make of it.

but with that said good to see you are making the improvements you deem necessary for you.

3:57 PM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger life said...

Where you at the club last night? I think I saw you, but those darn Patron shot may have had me disillusion

8:17 PM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger E said...

I totally hear you about chucking those IDs away. The funny thing of being a member of those infamous sites is that some of the profiles have the same old pics from years ago. One guy had this pic from when I guess he was a young stud and then when I saw him on cam, he looked like an old man and I was like..there's no way I'm meeting you..*LOL*.

11:12 PM, January 31, 2009  
Blogger Losojosnuevos said...

I totally feel you. I deleted my profile about one month ago. It was so liberating. Right before you finalize your decision to delete, you get a message that says "Your action cannot be reversed." I could care less. It's basically a sex site. If you're looking for a relationship, you won't find it there.

Relationship-minded LGBT folks have to develop better ways of networking and fellowshipping. I've got a few ideas, but I'm not sharing (just yet).

5:01 PM, February 01, 2009  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

They serve their purpose and I have to believe if we (were) on those sites they couldn't be THAT bad. That said, I deleted my profile once I was serious about BD. Haven't even been tempted.

10:20 AM, February 02, 2009  
Blogger Keisha Kornbread said...

I reached the same point last year and began deleting or hiding my profiles. Nowadays I don't have any interest in the whole dating online thing. I remember waking up and grabbing the laptop to check if I had messages. How sad, huh?

7:04 AM, February 17, 2009  
Blogger ToddyEnglish said...

I loved this post. One year ago I decided to give online dating a try. It was a complete and utter disaster!
I went on 22 dates and all of them were bad except three...The three that were actually nice had overly photoshopped their pictures and lied about their ages(shaving off two or three years is onething...But when you're 50ish and say you're 39 that's another entirely).
Between them and the jerks who had, "Looking for a LTR" in their profile but really wanted to hook up it was just too much...And don't get me started on the Asian guy I went out with that just "wanted to see what it was like to be with a black man."
You would be surprised to know I had these experiences on Yahoo! personals and Match.com.
Online dating is the pits, forreal. I deleted all of my profiles and I've relegated myself to just meeting someone the old fashioned way...Like at church or something.

1:40 PM, March 12, 2009  

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