So It Wasn't As...
...hard as I thought it was to let go of the exes and the old dates. To keep it basic, I told CC "no, you can't visit me when you drive through Atlanta" and then I told him why. I didn't say anything to Hollywood because I didn't have to. I told Infiniti that if nothing has happened in 3 years but sex, then nothing is going to happen and we're done. I deleted Delta's number. I deleted Coca-Cola's number. And any dude i've met recently, I just deleted his number. But one of them just doesn't want to let go. If you guessed that it was Dreads, then you guessed correctly.
He sent me a text message last week saying that he thinks that it's on purpose that I haven't called him in over a month. When I told him that the my phone is a 2 way device that makes and receives calls, he got perturbed. This reminded me of one of the reasons why we broke up 7 years ago. We had a conversation where he told me that I couldn't make a decision on my own to end contact with him without his input!! EXCUSE ME!!!! He got an earful of how what decisions I make are mine to make and that as a grown ass man, I have that right and that privilege. We let the conversation simmer down to where we could talk without defense and just listen.
We both agreed that it's time for things to come to a close or for us to become a couple again. We also agreed that a conversaton on that subject would be better in person. So I agreed to drive the 3 hours to the city where I went to college and he still lives. As I was preparing my mind for the drive, he informed me that he was having dinner with his other ex and his exes friends (oh really). So I said that I would wait until a better time.
Even though I agreed to wait to have this talk, I had already made my decision. I'm not waiting any longer. It's time to let go and move on completely. I'm done with thinking that one day, he and I will pick up where we left off (although with a lot more maturity). I'm done comparing every new dude with him. I'm done feeling as though I owe him my loyalty. I'm done with being the person he runs to when things go wrong in his life. I'm done with being his decision maker. I'm done with him.
I can imagine that when I start to think of the good times we had, i'm going to miss him. But it's what I need to do to prepare myself for my life partner. For some reason, I feel that time is near and I have to be completely available.
I told myself that 2009 was MY year of change for the better. I'm going to make sure that happens.
He sent me a text message last week saying that he thinks that it's on purpose that I haven't called him in over a month. When I told him that the my phone is a 2 way device that makes and receives calls, he got perturbed. This reminded me of one of the reasons why we broke up 7 years ago. We had a conversation where he told me that I couldn't make a decision on my own to end contact with him without his input!! EXCUSE ME!!!! He got an earful of how what decisions I make are mine to make and that as a grown ass man, I have that right and that privilege. We let the conversation simmer down to where we could talk without defense and just listen.
We both agreed that it's time for things to come to a close or for us to become a couple again. We also agreed that a conversaton on that subject would be better in person. So I agreed to drive the 3 hours to the city where I went to college and he still lives. As I was preparing my mind for the drive, he informed me that he was having dinner with his other ex and his exes friends (oh really). So I said that I would wait until a better time.
Even though I agreed to wait to have this talk, I had already made my decision. I'm not waiting any longer. It's time to let go and move on completely. I'm done with thinking that one day, he and I will pick up where we left off (although with a lot more maturity). I'm done comparing every new dude with him. I'm done feeling as though I owe him my loyalty. I'm done with being the person he runs to when things go wrong in his life. I'm done with being his decision maker. I'm done with him.
I can imagine that when I start to think of the good times we had, i'm going to miss him. But it's what I need to do to prepare myself for my life partner. For some reason, I feel that time is near and I have to be completely available.
I told myself that 2009 was MY year of change for the better. I'm going to make sure that happens.
Labels: Dating, men, Relationships, Self-Assessment
posted by That Dude Right There at
1/25/2009 12:37:00 AM
10 Comments:
You were actually going to drive three hours to break up with him in person. You are a special kind of something because I wouldn't do that. Wouldn't have even been a thought. LOL!!
I'm all for you breaking ties to make room for your life partner. I guess you assessed the roles the exes played in your life and made the decisions as a result. I guess I got lucky and I'm still friends with some of my exes. But we aren't romantically tied to each other and they are dating others so it makes it easier.
Spring cleaning is always a good look. Make the heart clean and spacious for the new stuff :-)
Yessss for being done!!!! Some days you have to be done...just say good bye and move on. If there's no growth, there is no life...and sometimes we out grow people. Luv!!!
JB
i could totally relate to needing to rid your life of someone because they're just toxic. it is a new year and it is time to make room for the real thing. i'm on that same path. good luck to you!
Pleased to hear that you have decided to set those damn disposible ex lovers at the curb and pull off; you certainly made a wise choice, but a damn tough one.
Tossing that excess baggage doesn't always come easy because the travels and the good times clog our memories and that makes it oh so tough to let go even though we know the excess baggage will wear us down, hold us back and confuse our direction.
May you find much happiness in 2009 and someone whom deserves you and can truly appreciate you.
I love u for this new strength you are embracing suga plum. Seriously.
Its not going to be easy and they are not going to go away easy (no change for the better comes without its obstacles and problems) but you are moving forward and thats all that matters.
Smooches - sistagurl
Man, thank you for waking up and doing you. The important thing is that you have had the chances to love, lust and everything in between. If you do the right thing and take what you NEED to take from those relationships/situations/lessons then you will be in the prime position to step into something a little more permanent... granted you choose the right guy.
Congratulations and good luck to you!
you'll be great!
say it with me "no more drama", now didn't that feel good?
Norris, I know Dreads will definitely be the hardest one to let go. He's your Mr. Big! Heh...if you watched SaTC, cause I know you did...*LOL*.
I do like your new resolve to make 2009 your year of change. Actually I'm trying to do the same in 2009 as well, including doing a clean sweep on my house. I've let it go and need to bring order back.
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