Sunday, January 11, 2009

Last Night I...

...went out to The Bachelors Mill here in DC. I wasn't expecting to see anyone that I knew there because I know hardly anyone in DC. But of course I did. I saw a few people from Atlanta that i've seen out and about, but then I saw someone (I'll call him, 4Runner)that I used to date. Well, I guess we didn't really date. We had sex a few times and talked on the phone a lot but nothing really came of it because he lived in northern Florida and I in Birmingham at the time. But seeing him last night was nice. The dude has gotten sexier in these last 5 years.

But that's not why i'm writing this post. I'm writing because I had the strangest dream when I finally did get showered and in the bed to sleep. I had a dream that involved 4 guys that I used to date: Hollywood, Delta, CC, and Dreads. In the dream, I was trying to get get each of them out of my life, but as soon as I did, another one would come along and mess up my plan. I wonder if seeing 4Runner triggered me to have this dream.

I find it uncanny that I would have this dream because i've been struggling with whether or not it's a good idea to keep in contact with dudes that I stop dating. It seems that I have an issue cutting someone completely off after we are no longer romantically linked. And it seems that they have the same issue. Dreads and I broke up almost 7 years ago. Hollywood and I broke up in September 2007. Delta and I never never really went out on a date. We just spent a lot of time at each others' apartments and haven't done that in 2 years. CC and I stopped dating in July of 08. I still talk to these dudes and a few more that I used to date.

I guess once a dude get's into my heart, he's there to stay. I can't imagine never talking to Dreads or Hollywood again. I think that would break my heart. Delta and CC, I could most likely do it with no problem. But I wonder if that's what I need to do to clear the way for my life partner to come into my life.

I'll have to think about this one and seek some advice (that's a hint to those reading this).

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Blogger AGB said...

Oh the ragedy ass Mill. LOL

where did you live at n N Fla?

3:13 PM, January 11, 2009  
Blogger thegayte-keeper said...

I was going to say that maybe these men are coming to you in your dreams to let you that they've prepared you for the ONE

5:23 PM, January 11, 2009  
Blogger Joey Bahamas said...

What I wana know you came to my city and didn't let me know. I know what, Jesus is my savior and I'm a good Christian woman! HUMPF!


7:08 PM, January 11, 2009  
Blogger SpecialK261 said...

IT really depends on whther yous still ahve romantic attachments to these guys. If are still emotionally attached then being around them will prevent you from moving on. If you legit friends then keep them around becuase they can only be good for you. I personally don't agree with cutting off communication completely , once they know the deal.

8:23 PM, January 11, 2009  
Blogger BPS 3.0 : Dallas said...

First, dreams are the visuals of your deepest desires. Second, there isn't always a message in a dream. Third, I believe you dreamt of these men because you still desire them.

I guess you have to ask yourself this question: Am I alone or lonely at the moment? Do I need intimacy? I'm sure you do because you are human.

But the thing is that you can't let these men go because deep in your heart you value something there. You are getting something from them that you can't give yourself. Again, nothing wrong with it, you're human.

As far as clearing the space for the life partner to come: I have found when talking to my friends, who are married or in a long relationship, that they have all said that the person they felt was their life partner filled so much of their lives that they didn't have time for past lovers. They could barely even keep up with friends. So don't concern yourself with that.

But in the end, I believe you know the answer to why you dreamt of them. IMO, just own it and continue to work with it if it works for you.

8:26 PM, January 11, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well sugaplum, FOR ME...I learned a little while ago that I was keeping dudes around because it was better than being/feeling totally alone. Even tho I wasn't with them, i knew they were a call away and that was like my security blanket. It wasn't until I was able to be honest with myself in that area was I able to totally and complete cut them off and shut em down when they attempted to come back. Its hard and lonely but beneficial for me. Just something to ponder *smooches*

9:14 PM, January 11, 2009  
Anonymous kennyking78 said...

It is important for you to come to grips with what purpose these guys fulfill in your life.

If you still have romantic ties then they gotta go, if not, then it is possible for them to stay, but you will definitely have to explain to your next why they are in your life...

10:41 PM, January 11, 2009  
Blogger C. Baptiste-Williams said...

why are you in DC... are you stalking me again?

and why the hell would you go to the Mill?

8:51 AM, January 12, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Kenny. You must explain why they are still in your life.

I actually had an issue similar to yours. This guy I dated was friends with his exes. I didn't find out they were exes until months later... from someone else.

4:46 PM, January 12, 2009  
Blogger fuzzy said...

I don't see anything fron g with staying in contact with an ex once the romantic link is removed. But has the romantic link been completely removed? or has it just been loosened?

You also have to realize that there are many types of loves. I believe your true friends make it in your heart, as well as the ones that you're romantically involved with. You have to figure out what kind of love you have for them.

12:03 PM, January 13, 2009  
Blogger houstonmacbro said...

IF they serve no purpose in your current life, then cut them out. They are out of your life for a reason.

2:57 PM, January 13, 2009  
Blogger antneya said...

damn well thanks for the heads up on the

4:39 PM, January 13, 2009  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

I'm friends with virtually all my exes, but I did take a minute to disconnect from them and allow the flaming embers to cool. It's difficult to start something new and give it a REAL chance if the comparison is so real, vivid and recent. Give it time...get into someone new...reconnect with the exes...there you go.

8:26 PM, January 13, 2009  
Blogger Chet said...

Bachelor Mill? Now I know there had to be someplace else that could have accomodated your evening out, but I gotta admit many years ago it was the spot for some, I remember going to Bachelor's on Sundays and Trax on Saturday, shyte I was inebriated one evening and wondered into a Go Go Club.

My brotha you have some baggage with you and it is about time you let that baggage go, old lovers can wear us down, the thing is to let go and move on, it is okay to entertain the thought of them from time to time, but if you think on them to much you start measuring all other prospects (men) to them, and that will get in the way of: getting the right Life Partner.

The dreams indicate you lone for some attention: don't we all? Yes you have sex and that satisfies your body, but your mind needs to be caressed to, but by the right partner, you have a void in your life and you are just trying to fill it the dream indicates that or something of that nature.

6:52 PM, January 14, 2009  
Blogger Darius T. Williams said...

I can totally understand why they're still in your heart. I have the SAME problem. It's a blessing just as much as it's a curse.

9:57 PM, January 19, 2009  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

Is the Mill still as banjee as ever?

As for the content of this entry, we already talked.

10:15 AM, January 20, 2009  

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