Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Bits and Pieces

Earlier today I was reading YABG's blog entitled One Big Circle. In it he said "once you give someone a piece of your heart, you never get it back" and it really brought some emotions flooding back into my head. It got me to thinking about some of the men that I have dated and especially about the one's who still have a piece of my heart. Those men are in chronological order, Dreads, Chicago, VP, and Hollywood.

As I was driving home from work today, I started to wonder why each one of these men still captures my heart (and/or mind). It didn't take long for me to figure it out. There was something about each of them that I got from them that I still desire.

Dreads: What was it that Dreads gave me that I still desire in a partner? I figured out that this man was there for ME unconditionally. He did everything for me that I wanted and needed. I never had to worry about anything. When I got transferred to Birmingham, he moved with me. When we first started dating and I didn't have money, he gave me money. Even though he was 100% top when we met, he gave up some booty every once in a blue moon. His focus was all about keeping me happy and satisfied. I still want a man that puts me first. Even though it's been almost 7 years since we dissolved our relationship, he still holds and most likely will always own a piece of my heart.

Chicago-What was it that Chicago gave me that I still desire in a partner? I figured out that he was a truly kind, understanding, thoughful, and genuine person who cared about me. I could see it in his eyes each time I looked at him and he SHOWED it everytime we saw each other. We dated long distance for a year and I loved it. I'll never forget our first date when he took me to Giordano's Pizza, a movie, and around the city of Chicago. Each time I visited him (except that 1 time), he had planned something for us to do each time. I never doubted that he cared about me and I really felt like he was making sure that I knew that he cared about me. And I always felt comfortable with him. I still want a man that makes me feel comfortable and cared about. Even though we stopped dating 5 years ago, he still holds a piece of my heart.

VP-What was it that VP gave me that I still desire in a partner? Physically, he was everything that I wanted in a man. He was tall, attractive, sexy, thick-bodied, and did I say sexy? I loved looking at him, touching him, sexing him, holding him and just being around him. I had an affinity for VP that I couldn't and still can't explain. And I still do. In addition, he made me feel like I was the sexiest man on earth. The way that he looked at me. The way that he held me. The way that he sexed me. The compliments that he gave me. How he jumped in the shower with me and showered took the soap and towel and finished bathing me. The things that he did, just made me feel sexy and desired. I want a man to make me feel like that again. I'm not sure if it's my heart or my head that he still has a piece of, but he still has a piece of me in some form.

Hollywood-What was it that Hollywood gave me that I still desire in a partner? Hollywood had that confident, independent, "i'm a man and i'm your man" type of vibe going on. I loved his confidence. I loved his aggression and assertive attitude. He was the type of guy that could make a decision for both of us and I could agree with it. He could plan something and all I had to do was show up. He didn't ask me to do things that he could do himself. I didn't have to prod him to do anything. I didn't have pay for every date or drive to every date. He let me put my mind to rest while I was with him. And I still want a man with an independent spirit (like I have). Even though it's been over a year that we broke up, Hollywood still has a piece of my heart.

Even though each relationship or situation ended years ago, I'm still learning from them. In addition, if either one of these men asked me to get back to them, I can't say that I would say "no" to them. Each one still has that something about them that I want. The only issue is that i'm hoping to meet someone that has most of the qualities that I want.

So some of you may ask, " when do you move on" and I'll answer with this. You move on when the quality that the person has/had loses importance to you or you meet someone else who has it. I have yet to move on, but i'll be glad when I can.

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10 Comments:

Anonymous kennyking78 said...

You know what? That same comment on Royce's blog got me to thinking as well. I guess that the smallest pieces of truth resonate with us all.

Wouldn't be great if you could combine all of those individual things you liked in your exes into one person?

12:10 PM, November 06, 2008  
Blogger Joey Bahamas said...

I think you have a list of things you look for and what in your perfect dude by examining what it was about those men that still touches your heart. Use it! Luv!!

JB

1:16 PM, November 06, 2008  
Blogger Corey Keith said...

I am still friends with most of my exes...

5:37 PM, November 07, 2008  
Blogger Darius T. Williams said...

Man, it's hard sometimes. You ain't even gotta tell me - you're PREACHING to the choir here. I'm not sure why it is that years from an experience we still hold on to shit from the past. I'm the same way. And you know what's interesting is that I bet them nuccas have gone on with their lives and aren't thinking a thing about me.

We could share a few drinks and talk about this one for sure!

7:24 PM, November 07, 2008  
Blogger Chet said...

Dude, you have had some wonderful men in your life, it appears that you have had the creme of the crop.

Dreads is the man for sho! The brotha took good care of you mentally and physically.

Chicago was a true Chicago brotha he showed you a good time, made you feel safe and put it down in the bedroom.

VP. Now my boi had Player in him, but respected you just as all the brothas you have been with or at least the brotha you mentioned here; VP was not relationship material.

Hollywood appears to have been independant, a good provider if need be and loves attention, but not quite ready for prime time.

7:27 PM, November 07, 2008  
Blogger D-Place said...

You have yet to move on because you have pieces of their heart with you as well. It's good that you remember the good things about them.

4:11 PM, November 09, 2008  
Blogger fuzzy said...

Do you ever really move on? I was in talks with a best friend, she told me that she started feelin for one of her Exs. This is an ex she cried for months about back in 03 and she moved on. Now she is torn cause he came back in her life. Did she truly move on, or just place a mental and emotional block over him? one would think...

1:17 PM, November 10, 2008  
Blogger E said...

It'd be so nice to find a bit of each of those guys in the next relationship. It's like this old Chante Moore song called My Special Perfect One, where she's talking piecing together the perfect man.

At least since you're taken inventory on the significant guys in your life, you'll know what you want for the next lucky guy.

2:09 AM, November 11, 2008  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

And let the chuuuuurch say...PREACH BLACK MAN!!!

You already know my situation with the whole moving on thing. And the sex was phenomenal, btw.

11:01 AM, November 12, 2008  
Blogger JACK said...

I can't even begin to draft such a soliloquy about my ex's. If I go through this exercise it would cause me way too much conflict. lol. But I'll go with dread man.

6:23 PM, November 17, 2008  

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