Self- Assessment

The other day while at work, I realized something. I realized that I am not a people person. I kept thinking about how I am always snapping at people, have little patience, and a low tolerance for people who don't think. People really irritate me sometimes and I have always wondered why.

I don't like to deal with other people's emotions and I usually don't have much sympathy when something bad happens to people (except for children).

I don't like people who ask questions for something that's obvious. I always wonder why people don't take the time to figure ish out for themselves.


I don't like people to yell at me. I instantly get defensive and yell back. I have tried to not do it, but it's like i'm wired for it.


I don't like to be given orders by anyone. I get irritated when guests at my hotel TELL me to do something instead of ASKING for it. A man told me the other day to get his bags for him. I told him that he would have to get them for himself.


When I get upset, it's not hard to tell. I give straight attitude. I cut my eyes, scowl, and talk with proper diction.

I don't hold my tongue much. When something is one my mind, I usually just say it. In the past years, I have acquired more restraint, but I still tell it like it is.

I don't trust people to do things that they say that they are going to do. I always feel as though I am going to be disappointed. And I usually am.

A lot of times I think about how I act and am disappointed in myself. I sometimes feel guilty about the way that I treat people. But I realize that I am the way that I am because I have always HAD to be LIKE I am. I don't think that my parents and sibling intentionally meant to hurt me, but a lot of the ish that they did has left permanent scars on me and it affect my personality.

I never saw much sympathy growing up. When I got hit by a car when I was 6 years old, I was told that I should not have been riding my bike in the street. There goes my sympathy.

When I had questions for my parents growing up, I was always told to find out for myself or go ask someone else. I then started just doing things on my own.

I got yelled at constantly as a kid and was always afraid to yell back. When I started being more defensive during my high school years, it stuck with me.

I don't hold my tongue because I always use to do it. There were times when I wouldn't talk for days. I would go to school and not say anything to anyone. I would come home and not say anything. The strange thing is that no one ever seemed to notice.

I was always promised things when I was growing up. A bike, a trip to the ice cream shop, new school clothes, my favorite food for dinner, a new set of books, a co-signer on a car loan, and all kinds of things. I never got it, and just don't expect people to fulfill their promises.

A lot of people are unaffected by childhood events, but I am not one of them. I have always wondered why I act the way that I do and have the personality that I have. And over the last few years, I have thought about it and can only come up with the conclusion that I had a fucked up childhood. Some might say that I should get over it and let my what happened in the past go and move on with the future. It sounds so easy. But I invite these same people to examine how their childhood affects them.

Now that I have found the source of my personality woes, it's time for me to get myself together. I have been doing so for the last few years, but I still have a long way to go.