"Ain't No Good Men Out There"
The next person who says this in my presence is gonna get the shit choked out of them. And I mean it. How many times a week do we hear this statement? I think that I hear it at least twice a week and I am sick of hearing it. We hear it all. "I can't find a man. There are no good men out there. He didn't call me. He didn't come over. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't like the things that I do. He doesn't have a job." Complain, complain, complain. Well, have we ever thought about the things that we do or don't do that can fuck up relationships? I had a good man and gave him away.
I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 3 years ago. I thought that I would never get over him. But I did. But not until I stopped blaming him for it all and admitted the things that I did that contributed to the demise of the relationship. While we were together, I said and did some pretty fucked up things to him. No, I didn't cheat, but I criticized, nagged, bitched at, controlled, and manipulated him. I criticized what he wore, the way he drove, the way that he did everything. I nagged him about completing task, about giving up more ass, about going to class, about everything. I bitched at him when he was late, when he drove to fast, when he didn't study, about everything. I tried to control when he went to work, how he spent his money, how he loaded the dishwasher, everything that he did.
Now, when we were together, I thought that I was doing what was right to make the relationship survive. But now, I realize that neither he nor I did and that we both did some dumb shit. But I am only talking about what I did/didn't do. I didn't buy him a card just because. I didn't support him in his endeavors. I didn't massage his tired feet. I didn't cook breakfast before he went to work. I didn't do enough.
It has taken me 3 years, but I realize that I had a good man. But there were things that I did and said that influenced the things that he did and said. I never wanted to admit it, to him or to myself. But now I have. And like people always say, you have to learn from your mistakes. I finally have learned what I did wrong.
So the next time that you start to complain about your man or men in general, think about the things that you do/don't do to maintain your relationship. Re-evaluate what you do.
I know that I am not perfect, but I am getting myself together. Dating and relationships is just one of the parts of my life that I am getting together. And I won't stop there.
I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 3 years ago. I thought that I would never get over him. But I did. But not until I stopped blaming him for it all and admitted the things that I did that contributed to the demise of the relationship. While we were together, I said and did some pretty fucked up things to him. No, I didn't cheat, but I criticized, nagged, bitched at, controlled, and manipulated him. I criticized what he wore, the way he drove, the way that he did everything. I nagged him about completing task, about giving up more ass, about going to class, about everything. I bitched at him when he was late, when he drove to fast, when he didn't study, about everything. I tried to control when he went to work, how he spent his money, how he loaded the dishwasher, everything that he did.
Now, when we were together, I thought that I was doing what was right to make the relationship survive. But now, I realize that neither he nor I did and that we both did some dumb shit. But I am only talking about what I did/didn't do. I didn't buy him a card just because. I didn't support him in his endeavors. I didn't massage his tired feet. I didn't cook breakfast before he went to work. I didn't do enough.
It has taken me 3 years, but I realize that I had a good man. But there were things that I did and said that influenced the things that he did and said. I never wanted to admit it, to him or to myself. But now I have. And like people always say, you have to learn from your mistakes. I finally have learned what I did wrong.
So the next time that you start to complain about your man or men in general, think about the things that you do/don't do to maintain your relationship. Re-evaluate what you do.
I know that I am not perfect, but I am getting myself together. Dating and relationships is just one of the parts of my life that I am getting together. And I won't stop there.
posted by That Dude Right There at
8/15/2005 10:20:00 PM
5 Comments:
Yeah, well. But what about when you are nurturing and supportive and they take advantage of it? Or when they think you're too nice and prefer a "bad boy." Or when they stand you up on a first date...twice! Or when all they want is sex and never want to spend time getting to know you as a whole person. Stuff like that just makes you bitter and cynical. And it wasn't me, it was them.
I don't believe there "ain't no good men out there" but I do think the good ones are getting harder and harder to find.
( to bernie )
Me thinks you missed the point here partner. Sometimes the problem lays within ourselves first and foremost, in spite of what 'he' may or maynot be doing.
And if a guy only wants sex bernie, then why are you dealing with him. See ... we really need to examine ourselves to solve our problems.
this was a great post. and bruthafree hit it on the head ... Be the man you want to be With.
Well (clears throat) I kinda see where bernie is coming from...and where bruthafree is coming from. good men ARE getting harder and harder to find - EVEN IF YOU ARE BEING WHO YOU WANT TO BE WITH.
Don't believe me? Come to Chicago. LOL
Bruthafree got the point across that I was trying to make without me having to say it. There will be a part 2 to this post to address the point that Bernie also made. Stay tuned!
My point was/is, you can be that loving, caring, compassionate, giving person, and wind up attracting "takers." People who see your honestly and kind ways as a weakness for them to exploit.
Is that me not loving myself or others not appreciating what I have to offer?
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