Monday, August 15, 2005

"Ain't No Good Men Out There"

The next person who says this in my presence is gonna get the shit choked out of them. And I mean it. How many times a week do we hear this statement? I think that I hear it at least twice a week and I am sick of hearing it. We hear it all. "I can't find a man. There are no good men out there. He didn't call me. He didn't come over. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't like the things that I do. He doesn't have a job." Complain, complain, complain. Well, have we ever thought about the things that we do or don't do that can fuck up relationships? I had a good man and gave him away.

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 3 years ago. I thought that I would never get over him. But I did. But not until I stopped blaming him for it all and admitted the things that I did that contributed to the demise of the relationship. While we were together, I said and did some pretty fucked up things to him. No, I didn't cheat, but I criticized, nagged, bitched at, controlled, and manipulated him. I criticized what he wore, the way he drove, the way that he did everything. I nagged him about completing task, about giving up more ass, about going to class, about everything. I bitched at him when he was late, when he drove to fast, when he didn't study, about everything. I tried to control when he went to work, how he spent his money, how he loaded the dishwasher, everything that he did.

Now, when we were together, I thought that I was doing what was right to make the relationship survive. But now, I realize that neither he nor I did and that we both did some dumb shit. But I am only talking about what I did/didn't do. I didn't buy him a card just because. I didn't support him in his endeavors. I didn't massage his tired feet. I didn't cook breakfast before he went to work. I didn't do enough.

It has taken me 3 years, but I realize that I had a good man. But there were things that I did and said that influenced the things that he did and said. I never wanted to admit it, to him or to myself. But now I have. And like people always say, you have to learn from your mistakes. I finally have learned what I did wrong.

So the next time that you start to complain about your man or men in general, think about the things that you do/don't do to maintain your relationship. Re-evaluate what you do.

I know that I am not perfect, but I am getting myself together. Dating and relationships is just one of the parts of my life that I am getting together. And I won't stop there.


Anonymous Bernie said...

Yeah, well. But what about when you are nurturing and supportive and they take advantage of it? Or when they think you're too nice and prefer a "bad boy." Or when they stand you up on a first date...twice! Or when all they want is sex and never want to spend time getting to know you as a whole person. Stuff like that just makes you bitter and cynical. And it wasn't me, it was them.

I don't believe there "ain't no good men out there" but I do think the good ones are getting harder and harder to find.

6:22 AM, August 16, 2005  
Blogger plotty said...

Good men are not that hard to find. Like energy attracts like energy. If you are not attracting any good men..maybe you aren't one either.

6:48 AM, August 16, 2005  
Blogger taylorSiluw√© ..... said...

( to bernie )

Me thinks you missed the point here partner. Sometimes the problem lays within ourselves first and foremost, in spite of what 'he' may or maynot be doing.

And if a guy only wants sex bernie, then why are you dealing with him. See ... we really need to examine ourselves to solve our problems.

this was a great post. and bruthafree hit it on the head ... Be the man you want to be With.

9:41 AM, August 16, 2005  
Blogger Tim said...

Well (clears throat) I kinda see where bernie is coming from...and where bruthafree is coming from. good men ARE getting harder and harder to find - EVEN IF YOU ARE BEING WHO YOU WANT TO BE WITH.

Don't believe me? Come to Chicago. LOL

9:53 AM, August 16, 2005  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Bruthafree got the point across that I was trying to make without me having to say it. There will be a part 2 to this post to address the point that Bernie also made. Stay tuned!

10:28 AM, August 16, 2005  
Anonymous Bernie said...

My point was/is, you can be that loving, caring, compassionate, giving person, and wind up attracting "takers." People who see your honestly and kind ways as a weakness for them to exploit.

Is that me not loving myself or others not appreciating what I have to offer?

2:11 PM, August 16, 2005  
Blogger PISTACHIO JOE said...

and when u find out the real intentions of those users and takers, u send their dusty asses on their way. people will eventually reveal who they are to u.

there are a lot of good men out here. there are a lot of good people out here.

they might be taken. they might be available and your overlooking them. but like brutha free said, you get what u give.

3:19 PM, August 16, 2005  

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