Repost: 2/22/07 Am I Too Independent?
I had to repost this because Beatmug (My Best Friend) and I had a tiff because I refused to do his taxes!!! We cool now though.
When I was 18, my Mother bought me a 1979 Oldsmobile Regency for my high school graduation present. Seven months later, during my freshman year of college, it was stolen. You can best believe that I was devastated to say the least because I had only liability insurance on the car. As no surprise to me, my mother refused to buy me another car. I wasn't upset because I knew that she thought that 1 car was enough. When I was growing up, she taught me to do everything for myself. By the time I was 10, I was able to cook my own breakfast, wash and iron my clothes, and cut the grass. She never taught my siblings or me to depend on others for anything that we needed or wanted. And those teachings have stayed with me.
I tend to think that if I need something, I should attempt to do it myself first before I ask for help. I have NEVER been one to ask for assistance before I attempt it myself first. When I was moving into my apartment in Atlanta, I moved just about everything in by myself. It wasn't until I got to my sofa and loveseat that I needed help. And I had to call 3 people before I was able to find one to come help me. And the only reason that I asked for it then was that I didn't want to damage them. If I could have put them on my back, I would have.
It's not to say that I won't ask someone for help, but I rarely do. The reasoning: I just can't depend on other people for many things. My independent upbringing has a lot to do with it, but it's moreso the fact that people always disappoint when asked for or to do something. I have always believed that if you don't expect something, you can't be dissapointed if it doesn't happen. How many times have you had someone to not show up as scheduled? To not call you "right back" like they said they would? To lie to you when they could have just told the truth?
Another reason that I don't like to ask people for things is that I don't like to inconvenience other people when I can do something myself. If I didn't have a car, I would not ask someone to take me somewhere when there are buses and trains running. If I didn't know something, I would attempt to find it out before I ask someone. If I had no money, I would not expect my friends to pay my way. I don't think that most people think about how things can inconvenience the people whom they ask things of. That bothers me.
I had a friend to ask me to "do" his resume so that he can post it on a website and find a job. My first question was "do you already have one?" His reply: "No, I wanted you to do it." I asked him to do one himself and then I would go over it with him. His reply was "I don't know how to do a resume." I told him that there was a time when I didn't, but I took it upon myself to learn what it took to do a resume. I told him that I would only help him with his resume, not do it for him. He called me a "bitch". I told him that I was a "bitch with a job". *Got his ass right together*
I have been told by several people that I am too rigid. And sometimes, I actually agree, but not most of the time. It's just that I see no reason why a person should not be able to do something for themselves.
I think that a lot of my self assessments have stemmed from the my being tired of being peoples' crutch. I always seem to be the one that people call when they need something. But it seems that there are only 2 people that I can call on when I need something. I can't do it anymore and I won't. People are gonna have to learn to rely on themselves.
When I was 18, my Mother bought me a 1979 Oldsmobile Regency for my high school graduation present. Seven months later, during my freshman year of college, it was stolen. You can best believe that I was devastated to say the least because I had only liability insurance on the car. As no surprise to me, my mother refused to buy me another car. I wasn't upset because I knew that she thought that 1 car was enough. When I was growing up, she taught me to do everything for myself. By the time I was 10, I was able to cook my own breakfast, wash and iron my clothes, and cut the grass. She never taught my siblings or me to depend on others for anything that we needed or wanted. And those teachings have stayed with me.
I tend to think that if I need something, I should attempt to do it myself first before I ask for help. I have NEVER been one to ask for assistance before I attempt it myself first. When I was moving into my apartment in Atlanta, I moved just about everything in by myself. It wasn't until I got to my sofa and loveseat that I needed help. And I had to call 3 people before I was able to find one to come help me. And the only reason that I asked for it then was that I didn't want to damage them. If I could have put them on my back, I would have.
It's not to say that I won't ask someone for help, but I rarely do. The reasoning: I just can't depend on other people for many things. My independent upbringing has a lot to do with it, but it's moreso the fact that people always disappoint when asked for or to do something. I have always believed that if you don't expect something, you can't be dissapointed if it doesn't happen. How many times have you had someone to not show up as scheduled? To not call you "right back" like they said they would? To lie to you when they could have just told the truth?
Another reason that I don't like to ask people for things is that I don't like to inconvenience other people when I can do something myself. If I didn't have a car, I would not ask someone to take me somewhere when there are buses and trains running. If I didn't know something, I would attempt to find it out before I ask someone. If I had no money, I would not expect my friends to pay my way. I don't think that most people think about how things can inconvenience the people whom they ask things of. That bothers me.
I had a friend to ask me to "do" his resume so that he can post it on a website and find a job. My first question was "do you already have one?" His reply: "No, I wanted you to do it." I asked him to do one himself and then I would go over it with him. His reply was "I don't know how to do a resume." I told him that there was a time when I didn't, but I took it upon myself to learn what it took to do a resume. I told him that I would only help him with his resume, not do it for him. He called me a "bitch". I told him that I was a "bitch with a job". *Got his ass right together*
I have been told by several people that I am too rigid. And sometimes, I actually agree, but not most of the time. It's just that I see no reason why a person should not be able to do something for themselves.
I think that a lot of my self assessments have stemmed from the my being tired of being peoples' crutch. I always seem to be the one that people call when they need something. But it seems that there are only 2 people that I can call on when I need something. I can't do it anymore and I won't. People are gonna have to learn to rely on themselves.
Labels: Repost
posted by That Dude Right There at
4/19/2009 12:02:00 AM
8 Comments:
Amen, it is time that people do it for themselves and not depend on others to do things that should come second nature to them.
Brought a Smile reading the post I remember not being able to "find" friends to help on moving day ... so I went by one of my restaurants and got the rollers off the bottom of a couple of trash cans and rolled the stuff right down the hallways and in the door...
I completely agree! I feel exactly the same way. Every now an again I do feel to independent and people do say why do you ask so and so, but once burned.Personally, I don't feel that many people are reliable. They get an A for effort, but I need results.. As I am the only who can ensure the results I want!
Man I'm the same way. I feel like if I've learned how to do things on my own so should you...I'm not your damn daddy. Oh but my favorite part of this whole post is that you are a "bitch with a job" *DEAD*
Yeah, I think about this quite often actually. My mother raised me to be quite independent myself.
I have never needed anything from anyone and I pride myself on that. People have thought of me as rigid in the past, but they can call it whatever, it does not bother me one bit. It is always my phone ringing when someone needs something and not the other way around.
I think that it is really cool to know that you handle your own business. It makes me respect you even more.
I got your back; does he know who you are and how valuable your time truly is??
We're all adults you do for yourself first if you can't figure it out you ask for help but you do not expecte people to do your stuff for you if you are not willing to make the effort.
You have got to be my twin! People are relentlessly LAZY. For so long we allowed people to be Lazy, and when we switch it up on them they get blindsided.
We are gifts to the earth, people must respect it or we must help them respect it. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Stay like you are TWIN!
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