Monday, October 08, 2007

So We...

...finally talked about our breakup and what lead to it. And yes, I called him. Apparently, there were 2 other things that he didn't tell me about why he wanted to end our relationship.

1. We didn't spend enough time together. We both travel. When we first started dating, we spent a lot of time together because I wasn't working as much. But our schedule always picks up for the summer and drops in the fall. So yes, our time was limited, but I forewarned him about that when we started dating. But, in my defense, I tried to make that time quality time.

2. He felt like he was changing me and he didn't want me to change me being me. Some of the things that Hollywood brought up were valid points. I did drink a lot. I did yell a lot when I got mad. I did take criticism badly. But all of these things were points that I actively changes. I cut my drinking. I stopped the yelling completely. I started listening to his criticisms. I don't think that he understood that I was changing for me and not just for the sake of the relationship. I actually take criticism and examine it to see if it will help me to be a better person.

Now, I still don't feel like these were great reason. But then again, I wasn't the one that wanted to break up. I really believe that any issue can be overcome, even infidelity, as long as both parties want to overcome the issue. I also believe that 2 people don't have to be 100% or even 50% compatible to make a relationship work. As long as you 2 are willing to work TOGETHER, then the relationship can be fulfilling and lasting.

But I think the problem here is that I was just more willing to work than he was. And that always seems to be the case with me. Once I get it in my head that I want to try a relationship with someone, I commit myself to that even if the other person hasn't gotten there. I am not even gonna say that i'm gonna work on that, because it's just a part of me and I know that it's not going anywhere.

That's all.

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Blogger Ailed LittleKnight said...

I dont think I would like you so much as my BF. I would want you to breakup with me and all you would do is wanna work it out! What the hell! At least you called him. From reading your last post i was gonna say that text and email are so impersonal and words can be taken so many different ways...

What will you do now that you have called him?

1:56 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Wait, let me get this str8... You drank to much and decided to limit it, you stopped arguing and nagging, and you started listening more and he felt that these were not good changes...? O I get it.


2:11 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

@Ailed-If you ever want to break up with someone, just tell them. I hate when people don't have the courage to say how they really feel.

@Blaq-Right!!!!! Next!!!!!!!!!

2:31 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger Ailed LittleKnight said...

its not that easy when there are other factors present. Other fears present. When you have normal circumstances, let it go and move on to the next. When you are in my shoes, next doesn't come so quickly! If it comes at all!

3:08 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger Cash S. said...

Well I guess you got some closure

3:40 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger fuzzy said...

its cool that you wanted to change for the better. Maybe he didn't see it that way, but it still was good.

7:11 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger J said...

well sweetie momma (me) feels like people come and go out of our lives for reasons and seasons. Hollywoods purpose in your life was a REASON. and he accomplished that (probably without even knowing it). You have cut back on the swig and have calmed enough to not lash out (yelling). I say it ran its course cause his purpose was fulfilled.

Next is right. Just take the best out of the relationship and float on.

And u know momma always has a big ass pitcher of red sugared up koolaid waitin on u when u need a hug (smile)

7:48 PM, October 08, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah hell.... men are pigs. str8 or gay. :) Those are crappy reasons (on his part) to break up with you. How is that not good changes?

'sides, one can't really use the "busy schedule" excuse. Many people have busy schedule. I have crazy schedules. Which includes the *ahem* military. OK... this last tour was really straining... but shit, we're trying to work things out.

Well as long as it's a learning experience and u take something out of it.

10:02 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said... you know. Knowing (even if it's their version) helps us to move on. Silence is sometimes worse that the most cruel reality. That said, breaking up is painful all the same. Don't revert back on the things you recognized as positive changes and let the next brother enjoy how Hollywood has helped you grow into a better man. ...just seems that after he got the man to freshen up those areas he had issues with he would've stuck with it. You know what pa? The right man is on the horizon.

10:54 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger life said...

It's a good thing you called. It allowed you to get some understanding. You're right, goodbye is not permanent, but that's another post. It seem like you got some good things out of the relationship, but I'm glad you're smart enough to know that the person doesn't want it as much as you do.

11:13 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger E said...

I have to agree. Hollywood's reasons for breaking up do sound suspect.

But it's good that you two talked it out at least.

11:18 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger WhozHe said...

I'm glad the two of you talked. His reasons however seemed somewhat incomplete. Even though I believe they were real issues for him, something seems to be going unsaid. Maybe it doesn't matter, the important thing is that you grew in the relationship and you're a better person as a result.

11:48 PM, October 08, 2007  
Blogger Soldier said...

You came out a better person.
Now that's something to be proud of.

next !!!!

12:11 AM, October 09, 2007  
Blogger Kensilo said...

As long as you feel that you got something out of the realtionship or at least learned something from it then it was worth the expierence. Change is good and growing is wondeful.

8:53 AM, October 09, 2007  
Blogger jump off JOE said...

It hurts? Good! Sometimes matters of the heart only heal through pain. I am so proud of you. Sometimes you have to invite your demons (no reference to Holly who?)for a sit down and make sure they understand that you will rise, fall, but definitely rise again. Sounds like you are standing tall. The feelings you are experiencing are quite natural and expected.

You are grieving. However, you like many of us have a history of triumphant moments that we can reflect on and say, "Damn! I am resilient. I am wonderful! I have skills! I can make informed choices! I know disappointment, but will not allow it to define my life and glorious potential. I choose to be happy! I am beautiful and deserve the best of the best!"

Brother man, the things you have shared on your blog about yourself are many of the same qualities and anchors that kind, descent and righteous brothers are looking for. And will not settle for anything less. Keep doing you and expect the very type of relationship and companion that will compliment your kind, gentle, loving, giving and refined spirit. It has been stated that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I am glad you showed up.

Live each day with expectations!

p.s. Sorry for such a long response. It’s just that sometimes I am so moved by your brute honesty – another one of your strengths.

10:53 AM, October 09, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

Well...that's that, right? Now you know the deal and can eventually move on to someone else.

Spilled milk is just that...spilled milk. Clean it up and move on.

Don't criticize yourself or over-editorialize the situation. You deserve somebody who gives the same type of effort that you do.

1:23 PM, October 09, 2007  
Blogger yet another black guy said...

well, i'm just sorry that he took your changing as a sigh that you weren't going to be yourself. you realized certain things could be better and worked on them, good for you.

it's easy to yell NEXT! when it's not you doing it, take some time to put yourself back together brother.

time to hang with friends and tell them not to speak about you-know-who so you can concentrate on just having a good time.

10:01 AM, October 23, 2007  
Anonymous photogreg said...

Glad you're doing better. I went through the same thing with my ex. It was tough. I didn't want to give up. He did.

But I'm a stronger person today because of it.

The best to ya.

10:29 AM, November 12, 2007  

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