My Bright Idea

Everyone likes to think that his or her ideas are always the best. I am guilty of having this over and over and over again. But we must also realize that other peoples' ideas can be better than ours. On the other hand, there are some things that only you can determine and know what is best for you. This time I am talking about what kind of relationship that I want. And I have determined what kind of relationship I want. I have thought about it and thought about it and have not discussed it with anyone. This is My Bright Idea of the relationship that I want.

First off, I want a relationship with a man. There is no doubt about that. I am gay, a homosexual, SGL or whatever you want to call me. I am attracted to men with all of my heart and soul. That attraction is innate within me. I didn't choose it, it's just a part of me and I have never had a doubt about it. I want to share my romantic and partnered life with a man.

Second I want a relationship where there is a commitment to each other. I am not talking of only monogamy. I am talking about a total life commitment. I want to be as much a part of his life as he is of mine. Where he goes, I go. Where I go, he goes. If one gets a job on the other side of the world, the other ask, "when do we move?" A commitment to encourage each other to do things that will improve both of our lives. If one of us want to quit working to go to school, the other works twice as hard so that we can maintain our lifestyle.

I also want a relationship where there is totally open progressive communication. We have to be able to talk to each other about anything at anytime. We can't be afraid to tell each other anything. Even if it's bad, we have to be able to talk about it. We can't be afraid to speak our minds when we feel it. We have to also be able to understand each others' non-verbal communication. We have to know how to read the other person's actions, even if the words differ from the those actions.

I want a relationship where everything is about us, not him or me. We will have our house in Atlanta, New York, or Chicago. We will have our kids and an active part in their upbringing. We will have our cars where it doesn't matter who drives which one. We will have our money and decide how it should me managed.

I want a relationship where we compromise on the things that become an issue. If one of us spends too much money on clothes, we find a way to keep us both happy. If one of us wants our kids to go to private school and the other wants public, we do what is best for our kids. If we decide to travel to another part of the world for vacation, we make sure that it is a place that we both want to go. And I am not gonna even start on sex. Just as long as both of us is satisfied with that, we are good to go.

I want a relationship where there is complete trust. Neither one of us should have any reason to think that what the other is doing is detrimental to us making a life together.

I don't think that this is too much to ask. But the more I type, the more I think that it is a fantasy. Could this actually happen? Can two black man have a relationship where all of these things occur? Of all the people that I know, I know one black male couple that seems to have a life together that is all about them being and doing together. I want the same thing. I just don't think that I can find a black man that has the same desires for a relationship that I want. I'm starting to give up on that fantasy.