Wednesday, May 16, 2007

What Would You Think, Say, Feel?

"Come over for a quickie."

This is the message that Hollywood got yesterday morning from a fellow flight attendant before his flight to Dallas.

"Are you still up? I need a massage."

This is the text message that Hollywood got just after midnight last night.

What would you think?

What would you feel?

What would you say?

It's been 6 weeks that we have been seeing each other, and as of this moment, there is no standing committment between us to be monogamous. But when I glanced over and saw these messages, I had a strange feeling. Not jealous, just strange.

I didn' t know what to think, say, or feel. So I did something that I usually don't do. I left it alone. I didn't feel like talking about it or feeling any kind of way or thinking anything of it.

But then I woke up the next morning and I did feel something. I felt as though he hasn't been honest with me. I thought that he wasn't being honest with me when I asked him if he was seeing someone or had the intentions of seeing someone in the future. I said nothing to him.

What will I think in the future? What will I feel in the future? What will I say in the future?

But as of 12:26pm on this Wednesday, May 16th, 2007, I still don't know what to feel.

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Blogger Ladynay said...


I would think say and feel the generic stuff.

*double sigh*

The fact that you just happened to see more than one of his text messages kinda implies to me that something in you was looking for what you found.

12:15 PM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

Let’s see…since you specifically asked the question of whether he would be seeing anyone while seeing you and it appears he responded that he wouldn’t, you probably…

Feel deceived and betrayed. There’s nothing like asking specific questions, getting specific answers and finding those answers are lies.

Think that he is a liar and a playa. When folks lie about something (or attempt to deceive about something) that doesn’t appear necessary to do, it sets off all the alarms. You begin to question everything and you wonder how much is going on that you’re not aware of.

Say what’s on your mind. I’ve found that if I try to hold stuff back to avoid an argument or a fight, it festers. By the time the issue blows up you are ready to ring his neck for holding the door for the guy walking behind him. He’ll have you walking out of your house, walking back in and asking, “Did I see a guy just leave here?!” Bring it up now…while it’s fresh. Folks hate to address old stuff. He’ll tell you it was ages ago if you wait.

It’s early. Make it a point to ask why he lied when you asked the question about dating other folks. Listen carefully. If things are not what they seem; if he tells you it ain’t none of your business, etc. Two things: 1. You can ask why he didn’t mention that it wasn’t your business when you initially asked – not when he got caught and 2. It’s early and the summer is about to be on and poppin’… enjoy the HOT summer and save yourself from some cold fall and winter nights.

Good luck pa!

2:03 PM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

@ladynay - I actually wasn't looking for anything. We were laying in the bed, he was reading his text messages, and I glanced and saw them.

@Cocoa Rican - I actually don't feel betrayed and haven't come to any judgement. But for now, I am gonna forget that I saw the messages, but keep my eyes open.

2:10 PM, May 16, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do nothing, file it away for later. If you are having sex with him stop. ( You don't want to be just another piece) You are right you have no commitment yet so there is not much to say. He cant help what others ask for, he can control only how he reacts. I assume he stayed with you the rest of the night? I've been there and be thankful, if you are anything like me that was a reailty check and allows you to get perspective. I would just be cool and ease off and slow down a bit until I was sure I was not going to my heart busted wide open.

2:40 PM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

@KennonPurdy - I know that we haven't seen eye to eye in the past, but I totally agree with you.

3:09 PM, May 16, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, so i've read all the replies about what you should do and i'll give my two cents.

a) he wanted you to see those messages or else you would have never seen them. so that raises two questions. 1) was he trying to get a reaction out of you? 2) was he trying to get you to blow up on him so that then he has an easy out?

b) if you two had a verbal agreement not to see or have sex with other people, then it's clearly time for you to move on. he broke the deal and is not to be trusted. this is only the beginning. i'm sure everyone here would agree that it's only downhill from that first indescretion.

as far as how to handle it, either address it or keep quiet but either way you need to establish a clear plan of action for how you will deal with him from this point on. i, however, believe that keeping quiet would only foster resentment in your heart that would inevitalbly begin to color your dealings with him.

3:15 PM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger ThisMightBeMe said...

I can honestly say that you handled yourself very maturely. Sometimes you have to take some time just to re-evaluate situations. It's imperative that you guys communicate because feelings can easily get hurt due to miscommunication and assumptions. You'll be alright. Best Wishes.

5:01 PM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger Bernie said...

It's been 6 weeks that we have been seeing each other, and as of this moment, there is no standing committment between us to be monogamous.

Your own words.

What needs to be established is how you both view this relationship and where you both want it to go. For you to have a reaction to these messages suggests you have invested feelings towards him. Have you told him? Have you asked him directly how he feels about you?

If you both have a clear understanding of what you both mean to one another, then those invitations from his past relationships should either fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes, as the case may be) or give you legitimate cause for concern.

But you yourself said you have no standing commitment.

5:04 PM, May 16, 2007  
Blogger Rahshek said...

You may fnd is useful to open lines of communications on matters as such, especially if you intend to take the relationship to the next level. Allowing the situtation to spoil in your mind, without discussion, may create problems in the long term. Never be afraid to address what is on your mind, especially if it involves someone of interest. In my opinion a start to a healthy and productive relationship is one where both parties feel comfortable addressing any issues or concerns, that have the potential to alter the relationship.

8:35 AM, May 17, 2007  
Blogger ReddMann said...

"there is no standing committment between us to be monogamous."... until there is a committment I dont think you can get upset (not saying that you are).

if you do happen to get jealous it is apparent you want more and you should let him know that.

10:29 AM, May 17, 2007  
Blogger E said...

Wow...I totally understand your reaction. I don't know what to think either. I would probably file it and be mindful of any other signs like you said.

But maybe it is time to have that talk. You know, about where you both see the relationship going?

10:23 PM, May 17, 2007  
Blogger life said...

I guess, you really can't say anything.....there is no commitment between the two of you. I do think some conversation needs to take place about where you guys are heading.

10:54 PM, May 17, 2007  
Blogger Valentino said...

F$#%^K that !!!! Just because " It's been 6 weeks that we have been seeing each other....." doesn't mean your feelings don't matter. Yeah you both may be ABLE to see other people since there is no commitment but that doesn't mean you want to know about it or even get the notion that its happening. He knows you saw those texts right? I think you should talk about it. But hey, I'm not a whiz on relationships so...

10:26 AM, May 18, 2007  
Anonymous kennyking78 said...

I know I am late, as usual, but I will tell you from experience that you want to ask the questions... yeah, you can deny it, because there is no "committment" between the two of you, but that does not mean that you don't have feelings. If you don't ask the question, then once you two do decide to make this thing official I would address the text situation as something you would not put up with from that point on. I would just hate for you to get two or three years down the path with unresolved questions. Get them out. Allow him to answer. Push forward.

See, I like your blog. You keep it most real!

2:08 PM, May 21, 2007  

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