Role Models

I'm sitting here watching Grey's Anatomy and saw a gay couple take their son into the hospital for an injury. I don't know about anybody else, but each time I see a couple like this, especially when they look happy, I become a little happier.

Why you may ask? I become a little happier because it's so far and in between that you see a gay couple that appears to be happy together. It seems that most people are single or in relationships or situations where they are unhappy. Seeing a gay couple together who appear to be happy gives me hope that one day, I will be happy with someone. I look at other gay couples as my role models even though I know that when I see them looking happy, that there may be not-so-happy parts of their relationships. But I can't and don't want to see that.

I wonder how they met. What they do to make each other happy. How they handle their arguments. How they handle family issues. How they handle everything.

I know that many people think that I harp on and on about being with someone, but that's just one of the things that I have always wanted in my life. I guess it stems from the fact that I have a hard time feeling that people care about and love me. And, I shouldn't, but I do blame it on my parents lack of expressing love to me. It may be because I was adopted. I don't know. But I want someone in my life that can tell me that they love me and I can believe it. That's the most important thing in life to me.

I guess taking this time to be away from VP has made me realize that he and I aren't gonna happen. Not that I don't want it to, but because he doesn't want it to. Even tough he won't talk to me about it, I know it. Once again a dream has died. This time, I don't know if it's gonna be ressurected. But I will maintain hope.