Am I That Person?

You know how you always think "that will never be me." Or "I would never let myself be put into that situation." But when the situation happens to you, you deny it to yourself and everybody who points it out to you. You tell yourself that it's ok because your situation isn't as bad as other's that you have seen. But when it comes down to it, you are still in THAT situation.

I don't have to tell you what situation it is because you can probably figure it out. But I am going to tell you just to keep your thoughts in the right place. It's my situation with VP. It's been 3.5 months that we have been seeing each other and I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea what is going on between us. I keep thinking that while I want to progress with him, I am not sure that that is the best thing for us to do.

We still have arguments about me wanting to spend more time with him and him not making time for me. That's the only notable issue that we have. I know that my schedule and his schedule won't allow us to spend days, weeks, and hours at a time together, but when I am at home in Atlanta, I make time for him. I don't feel that he does the same for me. Although, since I have been home since Thursday we have seen each other twice. Friday morning I took him to pick up his new S500 and Sunday we spent time at my apartment burning CDs and listening to music. I told him that that was all that I really want from him. Just for us to be in each others' presence.

I think that he thinks that I want to just tie him down and get married tomorrow. A few times I have thought that I would love to do just that, but I am not trying to rush the situation. Like I have said over and over, I am doing things differently. I want to wait until I know and can feel that he really cares about me before I even entertain the thought of a relationship.

Another part of doing things differently is to think about what I am doing that won't allow the situation to progress. Because there is no formal committment between us, I feel that it's ok to meet other fellas. I told you about Infiniti in another post, but there have been a few other guys that I have met. At this point, I have decided to not go on a date with anyone else. If I keep doing that, then I can't possibly focus on us. I can't put anyone else into our situation.

I also need to control my attitude. He says that I tend to get a little hot headed when I don't get my way or get irritated. And I admit that I do. Example. The other day, I was showing him the new Jaguar XK in a magazine. When he asked me what it was, I yelled "read it and see". I immediately realized what I had done, grabbed his faced and kissed him and apologized. I have to keep outburst like that in check.

So all in all, while I have seen people in situations like the one that I am in and thought that they were crazy for staying in them, I am now in that situation myself. No one understands the situation between myself and VP, but us. So, while I have listened to other people tell me that the situation will go nowhere and that I need to drop him, I am not listening to them. Each time I think about dropping him, something tells me to remain patient and hold out. And that's just what I am gonna do.