Monday, December 17, 2007

Ignoring the Naysayers

Has anyone ever noticed that people sometimes don't want to support a seemingly positive change in you? Or they don't believe that you can keep a commitment to yourself that you have proclaimed to keep. Or they try to talk you out of doing something that you know will benefit you?

Case in point here. I have discussed with a few people that I am on a journey to cut drinking to a minimum (1 drink per week), not have sex, and not date or meet anyone new for at least 4 months. Can you believe that most of the responses have been of the "you aren't gonna make it" tone? At first, I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but the more I thought about it, this happens all of the time. I think people are just conditioned not to have faith in other people.

I was told by one person that he doesn't expect me to last a month without sex, excessive drinking or dating. I didn't get upset or anything because maybe I can't last. But I left him with an "I can show you better than I can tell you". But I really didn't have to say that because I only have to prove my strength and resolve to myself. But just a little support from the bastards would be nice.

I make it a point that when people say that they are gonna do something that they think will improve their well being, to give a few encouraging words even if I don't believe that they can do it. Why? I do it because some people need a little push to get started. You may have that person who wants to start an exercise regimen, but hasn't gotten started. A little encouragement may be what they need to get them started. Not doubt and negativity.

I don't want to make this a long and drawn out "fuck the naysayers" post, but that is just what I am saying. When you do something to improve yourself, fuck the naysayers and do it to prove them wrong. Do it to make you a better person and let the outside forces see that you are stronger than they think you are.

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Blogger Bernie said...

If you want to make changes that will affect your life, why the need to tell anyone about it? Just do it. Then you won't have naysayers.

9:40 AM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger D.LavarJames said...

Man, I know EXACTLY how that is, my friend that is moving has been getting all kinds of negative feedback from those that should be the most supportive, I mean it's one thing to feel sad but a whole nother to just be a total ass when people are tryin to reach for the stars.

9:59 AM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

Misery loves company. Someone once said that if you don’t believe that statement, you should look at a fly strip. You never see any of the flies that are stuck on the strip saying, “Go around!” That said, there are several things I’ve attempted to or am still actively making a dent in with regard to my self improvement. One of those, the gym, has always been something that I stick with, but I’ve had many different gym partners throughout the years… most claiming to be ready for the long haul. Ultimately, I work out alone most times and I still support the new comer’s desire to change. Not everyone feels that way. Some folks feel threatened by your desire to change, since that change sometimes involves the realization that they need to be dropped too. Basically, if we only drink or have sex when we hang and those are the very things I’m looking to put down, you will be anxiety ridden! Do you pa…and do it well.

10:10 AM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger WhozHe said...

Allow the nays to strengthen your resolve to accomplish your goals!

10:26 AM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger fuzzy said...

I believe that people wait to see others fail because they cannot succede at the thing you are trying to succeed at. Its a "misery loves company" type of deal...

You go strong and prove that you can do it. If for nothing else that you can beet the odds they have set for you! I refrained from cursing and masturbation for 6 months cold turkey, If I can stop J/o I know you can refrain from anything you want to!

10:31 AM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger Robert said...

faith is acceptance of hope. the lack of hope may be an indicator of low self esteem. follow your path. be true to yourself.

11:14 AM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger life said...

you know, sometimes it's just best to keep things to yourself. Then, tell ppl about the result after you complete the task.

12:09 PM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger Thaddeus Lonzie Works said...

Man, Do you and don't listen to what people have to say. People will let you down. Even if you do not meet your goal at lest you made some type of achievement.

6:24 PM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger Darius T. Williams said...

I hear u on this one. it could be that misery loves company or it could really be that our past is that different from the change we want to male that people just can see it. this happens in all types of me, I've been the victim and the victor. maybe we should commit to tolerance and appreciation for all choices and chuck these past ignorant actions up to human nature.

10:03 PM, December 18, 2007  
Anonymous Steve said...

Norris, I doubt a naysayer will drag you down, but can relate to the need to have support among your friends. While some say you should just keep it to yourself, that's difficult to do with friends. When you have a friend who doesn't support you, it can be a set back, but, like I said above, you seem strong enough to take a little of that.

I've sometimes been the naysayer to a friend myself, and, in retrospect, I so regret that! How easy it would be to be supportive, to encourage self improvement, and not fall into the trap of being negative about others.

I fully support your attempt to cut down on the sex and alcohol. You might find that many of your relationship disappointments will abate. On the other hand, if eliminating these means you'll be removing yourself from social atmospheres, you may find yourself alone and lonely. That's no fun either. See if you can find a happy medium where you can meet people but not cross those lines.

It is possible. I made that deal for myself a number of years ago, and have been able to stick with it. I expect you will be able to as well.

Good luck!

11:35 PM, December 18, 2007  
Blogger E said...

Yeah I'm one that usually keeps things to myself for that exact reason.

1:21 AM, December 19, 2007  
Blogger Ladynay said...

All I will add is AMEN and the Condy post was funny.

9:40 AM, December 19, 2007  
Blogger Kyon Saucier said...

Ignore them you can do anything you set your mind tooo especially sine you are doingthese things for the right reasons I have fiath in you.

3:52 PM, December 19, 2007  
Blogger Chet said...

Check this out Man; let the naysayers say what they want instead listening to their negativity do what you feel is best for you, and if that means change is in the works then you and only you can do that for you. Feed the naysayer brunt beans and show them kats that you can and will make it as long as you decide. I appreciate hearing of your courage and I know all to well about letting myself go to the limits and I have since learned to set limits. When exactly are you going to start? I have some goals I need to accomplish and when you start I will take the initiative to do the same. Sorta of a support for each other, because apparently we are the only ones who believe.

8:20 PM, December 19, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What if you eventually fail as they predict?

10:07 PM, December 19, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Jones said...

Is this dedicated to me? If so, I feel honored. I think I said something about you and sex the other day. You let it go, but it obviously festered. Didn't realize that effect.

12:15 PM, December 20, 2007  
Anonymous kennyking78 said...

Man, the sooner you shake the haters the off the better off you will be. The way I see it, misery loves company, but I can't kick it with "misery."

Keep us posted.

11:06 PM, December 27, 2007  
Blogger yet another black guy said...

sometimes it's not even about saying, "Fuck the naysayers!" so much as it is about hearing, "You can do it!"

why more people can't do that is beyond my comprehension.

11:56 PM, December 28, 2007  

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