Wednesday, March 08, 2006

It's Over

So the 2 weeks that VP and I decided to take away from each other are over. And the results are that so are we. I am not sad or upset about the ending of the situation because I learned something from it. I learned that I am a dreamer. I'll explain what I mean by that.

When VP and I started talking, we both spoke of how we wanted a true family life. We both wanted kids (which he already had). We both wanted careers (which he already had). We both wanted the house and cars (which he already had). I kept thinking that this had to be the man of my dreams that was meant for me. A person that wanted (and already had) the things in life that I wanted. In my head, a dream started to form of us having a life together. I imagined us living together. I imagined us taking vacations together and with the kids. I imagined cooking dinner for him and taking care of "my man." I imagined picking the kids up from school and going to school functions with VP. I imagined having Thanksgiving dinner at our house with our families in attendance. I imagined having more kids. I imagined a lot. It was all a dream and it was a dream that existed only in MY head. All because I thought that he was the man for me. And in the beginning, it seemed that he thought the same thing about me.

But alas, as is with most relationships between Black and Gay men, it didn't last. It seems that he all of a sudden lost interest in me. I tried to do more to be what he wanted, but these last 2 weeks have let me realize that I was making a fool of myself. I realized that I didn't want to let him go because I didn't want to let go of the dream. I realized that he may have wanted the same things that I wanted, just not with me. He just didn't have the balls to tell me. I hate that about men.

I thought that that dream had died, but during my endless thinking, I found out that it hasn't. My dream of having a family is not dead, but my situation with VP is.


Blogger E said...

Yeah...I think we're all dreaming. But I guess there are some positive gay relationships out there. So there's hope.

Glad you still have the dream.

8:33 PM, March 08, 2006  
Blogger lj said...

Hey ...I'm sorry to hear that thing's didn't work out...Don't give up hope though.

7:18 PM, March 09, 2006  
Blogger j_most said...

I'm sorry to hear about this as well. As the previous comment said "Don't give up hope"

7:39 PM, March 09, 2006  
Anonymous byron said...

Sorry to hear about your break up. Altho is sucks, if you can come away from it a better person, its all worth it.

10:48 AM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

I'm not all sad and broken up about it. Some shit just ain't meant to be.

But the funny thing is that I keep having dreams about the nigga. And 15 minutes of every waking hour is spent thinking about "us".

11:38 AM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger Soulful Real said...

I can relate to what you're going through man. We're left with no choice but to keep making better for ourselves in situations like this. Good to know you keepin your head up.

1:32 PM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger That Girl said...

Keep hoping for the dream to become a is what keeps us all going...

8:09 AM, March 12, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...

Just be mindful that dreams still has fire and evolve...

1:06 PM, March 20, 2006  

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