Sunday, August 19, 2007

What To Do Now

There comes a point when you are dating someone when you feel ready to make it real and commit yourself to the other person. You just feel that it's that time. You make this decision even if the other person isn't there yet.

I've been dating Hollywood for 4.5 months as of the writing of this post. I'm at that point where I feel like it's now or nothing. I've had this feeling for the last few weeks and think that it's time for us to transition into something or nothing.

It may be sad to say, but this is the longest period of time that I have dated someone in about 3 years. I think that's so because I made a real decision this time. I've actually committed myself to making some real changes within myself. I made these changes in the hopes that they would allow me to just let go and let the situation flow. And they have and I am proud of myself.

Right now, I feel that I have to make the decision as to whether Hollywood is the man for me to commit myself to. I don't know it yet. I just don't. Sometimes, I want to continue dating other people. And other times I imagine growing old with him. Sometimes I want to snuggle up under him and stay there. Sometimes I don't want to be anywhere near him. Sometime I want to fcuk him till he cries. Sometimes I don't want to think about sex with him.

We had a little argument Saturday afternoon because he thought that I was putting my friends ahead of him. That wasn't the case. A friend of mine had a party that I agreed to help with. Hollywood didn't want to go because he was tired. I was running late when he called me and asked me to stop by his house. When I told him that I couldn't because I was running late, he asked me if the party was more important than him. I told him to never ask me a question like that because he may not like the answer.

Now I understand that he was leaving for work on Sunday morning, but I had made a commitment to do something for a friend and I was gonna do it. One of the reasons that I continued dating him was that we have similar work schedules. He is a flight attendant and I am an implementation specialist. We both travel and understand that we won't always be able to see each other. Or at least I thought that he understood that.

I just talked to him a little while ago and told him that I really did want to see him, but I had said that I would do something and had to do it. His reply was "it's cool".

I'm going to take my time on this situation. I don't want to make any hasty decisions as it comes to our dating situation. It's not yet a relationship. But i'm wondering if it will get there.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that if someone is "the one" you are supposed to commit to then there's never really any question. You don't have to wonder when the time is right. You don't have to wonder if they feel the same. You KNOW the time is right. You KNOW they feel the same.

12:23 AM, August 20, 2007  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

You're ability to stay calm and reason are what has helped you guys through so far, so count on it to help in the future. If you're anything like me, you have the ability to devour your prey whole - meaning, you have a tongue that is similar to a ginsu knife (hence the 'you won't like the answer' comment) but know (as I'm realizing) that our powers shouldn't be turned on our partners (or potential partners). We must only use our powers for good...LOL
So, cut him some slack, cut yourself some slack and let it roll. Nothing of the 'catastrophic' nature has happened, so why even go there with the 'drop'em'
Chill pa...that light at the end of the tunnel isn't an oncoming train, but a beautiful future built on compromises and patience...

9:10 AM, August 20, 2007  
Blogger yet another black guy said...

an interesting thing you brought up, was that you two have been dating for 4.5 months, yet you don't classify it as a relationship.

how long can you date someone and say it's not a relationship?

at what point does it turn into a relationship by default?

and what exactly differentiates a relationship from 'just dating'?

12:19 PM, August 20, 2007  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

@Anonymous-That was damn near my first paragraph until I changed it.

@Cocoa-I'm not using my powers against him. But he should never try to play the "who's more important" game with me. He will get his feelings hurt each time.

@YABG-In my book, it's not a relationship until we BOTH agree that it is. I believe in labels because they keep shit clear.

2:43 PM, August 20, 2007  
Blogger lj said...

Well he was being more than a little immature there.

4:57 PM, August 20, 2007  
Blogger life said... may want to get to the reason of why he doesn't want to commit. It's a terrible thing to be committed to someone who is not committed to you

7:16 PM, August 20, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn C. Rican, you need to publish yo! You put it down like an elder. Honors.

"Dude..." The things you speak of takes time and is simply a part of the process. Remember, it's a journey. You're a beautiful man (inside and out)and worthy of the best.

Remember Love!

-jump off JOE

11:38 PM, August 20, 2007  
Blogger Lavohn said...

Keep doing what you are doing. I can see that you both are meant for each other and you both have a lot in common. Just keep having an open mind, keep the communication flowing and everything will workout perfectly for you guys.

11:12 AM, August 21, 2007  
Blogger J said...

dating is a pain in the ass. Spoken from a chick who can't seem to meet anyone worth what!

12:11 PM, August 21, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Momz would say: "If you have to ask you already know the answer"

5:06 PM, August 21, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do what you feel in your heart. If you're willing to commit to this person, do it because you want to (which you are, which is good).

You've come a long way. God has a way of bringing people into your life for various reasons. I agree with Cocoa... Keep it slow and steady and don't sweat the small stuff.

I've never dated a flight attendant but I can imagine there to be a little turbulence every now and again. Definitely have a conversation with him about exclusively dating.

10:10 AM, August 23, 2007  
Anonymous kennyking78 said...

You did the right thing by going to the party... Either he will be okay with it or not... the things you do now in the preparation stage of the relationship (or whatever you want to call it) will, no doubt, dictate how things will flow later on in the relationship (or whatever you want to call it).

10:55 AM, August 23, 2007  
Blogger ZDK said...

I understand everything you are going through. I am at the same point in my relationship where I am wondering should I stay or should I go?

12:47 AM, September 08, 2007  

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