Monday, October 03, 2005

Got To Give It Up!

I have had something on my mind for the last few weeks. I think it's something that a 99% of people in the world think about each day. In fact, it is said that men think about it at least 10 times a day. Also, people say that it's like air. You don't think about it till you ain't getting any. That item that I am talking about is of course, SEX.

For the last few weeks, I have been thinking about abstaining from sex. And I am quite sure that the readers of this post will wonder why this has been on my mind. So ill tell you. And there are a few reasons.

Reason #1-Back in August, I took my bi-annual HIV test. I took the Ora-Quick test at AidAtlanta so that I would only have to wait 20 minutes as opposed to 1-2 weeks for results. The test came back negative and I want to keep it that way.

Reason#2-I have not had great sex since session #2 with TBSIEH last December. (I promise to do a part II). I don't think that it's been bad, but it just hasn't been great. It's like once it's over, i'm thinking "why did I do that?" It just hasn't been as pleasurable as it use to be.

Reason #3-I have been having sex with guys too soon after I meet them. I have had a few "first date" sex sessions. I think that this is a contribution to Reason #2. I have not taken the time to care about a person since my last relationship. Sex with strangers just ain't what people make it out to be.

Reason #4-Some men equate sex with love. There have been a few times that I had sex that was supposed to be a one time thing. But for some reason, the fellas thought that I wanted more than that and I ended up dating them only to have to dump them days or weeks later.

Now, I said that I had been THINKING about abstaining, but I can't do that. But I have made a compromise with myself. I will not have sex with a man until I feel like I care for him and he cares for me. There will be no sex of any kind until that point. No anal, oral, or any other kind of sex. I don't care how blue my balls turn or how much I ache for it, there will be no more sex with "strangers." I also will not be sleeping over at anyone's house. I will not kiss anyone. There will be no massages. There will be very limited physical contact of any sort.

It may be a long time before I have sex again, but this is one resolution that I am gonna keep.


Blogger *Madosi said...


that is why i passed on sex for so long!

it has not been good, it has been a waste and its been too emotional.

what are we to do?! lol

3:25 PM, October 03, 2005  
Anonymous Bernie said...

I also feel you on this one. It's about quality, not quantity. I've gone without meaningless sex with total strangers for quite awhile now and don't regret it.

I agree that too many men equate sex with love, or rather settle for sex when what they really seek is emotional closeness. But I also think men are capable of being physically intimate without taking it all the way to sex. Finding someone who believes and understands that possibility is rare however.

5:35 PM, October 03, 2005  
Blogger Blush said...

i decided a long time ago not to have sex without intimacy. i have been celibate since then. it gets harder and harder every day.

6:03 PM, October 03, 2005  
Blogger E said...

Even though I had some this past weekend, I feel your comments. Good luck with it.

I'm getting tested next month for HIV. That's always a stressful time for me. And you know, I don't really need the stress. I have enough of it at my job as it is.

7:47 PM, October 03, 2005  
Blogger Tim said...

Man, I feel you on that. A long time ago I said I would abstain from sex.

It lasted about three weeks.

Good luck with that man. Keep us posted!

8:15 PM, October 03, 2005  
Blogger Unconquerable Soul said...

i feel you on this post.. but shyt gets tough.. stay strong

8:45 AM, October 04, 2005  
Blogger ~ Eclectic Soul ~ said...

I so feel you... I can't do casual sex. I did a few times and it just leaves you with that fugged up emptiness after-effect. You end up wondering why the hell ya did it. Horniness is like a mosquito bite tho... scratching it just makes it worse, takes longer to heal... Stick to your decision. It gets easier in time, trust that... I was celibate by choice for 5 years once... It was hard at first, but the emotional/spiritual fullness I felt down the line was soooooooo worth it. Honor you own spirit and you'll be amazed at what you discover about yourself in the process.

Btw... I love your blog...

10:13 AM, October 04, 2005  
Blogger Rose said...

Sex without protection is like a volcano preparing to explode...BOOM! I think you should get to know your sex partners anyway. Jumping in and out of bed is a serious no no. Until you meet someone that you trust, close everything up and put a sign on you...No talk, No Knowledge about you, No Love from me....

10:39 AM, October 06, 2005  

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