Sunday, October 16, 2005

Leftovers

A few months ago, I answered a question in a Yahoo group poll concerning whether or not I would date or form a relationship with the ex-boyfriend of a friend. I answered that I would. The problem with this is that my best friend, BeatMug, is also a member of this group. He saw my email address under the "yes, I see nothing wrong with it" column. His email address was under the "No, I would never do that to my friend" cloumn. He and I actually had a disagreement for the first time in years that bordered on an arguement. Let me talk about this issue for a minute.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with getting involved with the ex of a friend. But there are exceptions on that. I would never get involved with the ex if there was love between them and my friend. Just couldn't do it. I would also never get involved if there was infidelity on the part of the friend's ex. I would also never get involved if there was any kind of abuse from the ex. And lastly, if it was going to affect my friendship, I would not do it.

Now if the situation between the ex and the friend ended amicably for whatever reason and it was OK with the friend, I would date the ex. Many people believe that this is tacky and crass. But opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. I don't see anything wrong with it. Just because it didn't work out for the ex and the friend, does not mean that it will not work out with you and the ex.

Also, I have noticed that in the SGL community, you cannot date someone who has not dated someone that you know. It's almost impossible. I have mentioned a few guys that I have met to friends and have gotten "oh, I used to talk to him," or "so and so use to date him" a number of time.

But saying all of this, I have determined that I want to date someone that no one with whom I am aquainted has dated. I want to learn all about the person from my experiences, not from someone elses.

So tell me, how do you feel about dating a the ex of a friend?

7 Comments:

Anonymous Bernie said...

I agree with you 100%. Just because your friend and their ex didn't work out, doesn't mean you won't have better luck. You are different people and there will be a different dynamic to the relationship.

Furthermore, if we cut ourselves off from ex-es of friends, as you say, in our community, there may be no one left to date!

Any single available person is fair game regardless of their past associations.

8:36 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger *Madosi said...

if the friend is kool with it and the guy is as well .. then go for it ...

if not then don't try it!

9:22 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger piscesgurrl said...

I can understand where you're coming from. Sometimes that a hard situation, I married my husband who was good friends with my ex boyfriend and his ex wife and I were friends. It didn't work for them but its working for us. We can't direct which way our blessing come in, usually from all different directions.

2:29 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Blush said...

i think its best to not to double-dip. it keeps things simple. but i have never been interested in my best friends guys because we have totally different tastes in men. one time i got involved with my ex-bf's friend and it wasnt pretty. i would avoid that situation at all costs. friends are more consistent than lovers.

4:27 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger E said...

That's kinda iffy. I don't think I'd want my friends leftovers either. Granted that pretty much limits your pool somewhat, especially in the gay community, but I would want to avoid any potential conflicts of interest that may pop up. Then again, I tend to avoid conflict so that could be why I feel the way I do...*LOL*.

9:21 AM, October 19, 2005  
Blogger That Girl said...

This is a touchy one...I could do it...but it would definately depend on if the friend still had friends for the person and how the relationship ended...maybe even how much of a friend the friend is to me.

3:19 PM, October 20, 2005  
Blogger Bobby Brown Jr. said...

ok first of all gotta shout out a fellow pisces...thats whats up..as it relates to this post, i read anxiously lookin for the significant piece of information that would definitely make the difference for me and you hit it right on the head. IF THE FRIEND IS OK WITH IT then its all good. thats all that matters. last but certainly not least effective immediately you've been added to the BBBJR blogroll..I'll def be back!

2:22 AM, October 26, 2005  

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